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Our whole world was turned upside down last Thursday. House full of police my husband was arrested
I am struggling as still do not know the full details of the case just an allegation of talking to someone underage on snapchat
Bail conditions are he can not see our son unsupervised and he is staying at his parents house. I do not feel ready to talk to him.social services rang yesterday but are not coming to the house. My son is struggling to comes to terms with the massive changes.
I have my older daughters for support but have so many unanswered questions and dont know where to start.
Have I got the right to ask for details of the case?
Hoping for some answers or someone to talk to who understands
Thankyou
I am struggling as still do not know the full details of the case just an allegation of talking to someone underage on snapchat
Bail conditions are he can not see our son unsupervised and he is staying at his parents house. I do not feel ready to talk to him.social services rang yesterday but are not coming to the house. My son is struggling to comes to terms with the massive changes.
I have my older daughters for support but have so many unanswered questions and dont know where to start.
Have I got the right to ask for details of the case?
Hoping for some answers or someone to talk to who understands
Thankyou
Hi,
my husband was also arrested last week after chatting to underage on Snapchat. They searched the house.
He has no where to go so is staying at house but not allowed unsupervised with my daughter so is out a lot of the time.
I am new to all this as well so not sure if you can ask for details. I have the number of the DC who arrested him and he said I could phone but just feel too scared to.
im just taking it hour by hour and trying to survive for the sake of my daughter. Hope someone else can help you with an answer to this.
my husband was also arrested last week after chatting to underage on Snapchat. They searched the house.
He has no where to go so is staying at house but not allowed unsupervised with my daughter so is out a lot of the time.
I am new to all this as well so not sure if you can ask for details. I have the number of the DC who arrested him and he said I could phone but just feel too scared to.
im just taking it hour by hour and trying to survive for the sake of my daughter. Hope someone else can help you with an answer to this.
Thankyou for the reply
This was also on snapchat
My husband is not allowed to sleep in a house with anyone under the age of 16. So he is at his parents At the moment my daughter is doing the supervision. I feel bad for her
I am coming to terms that I wont get the answers I need. I just feel so let down even by Social Services they spoke on the phone and that was it all they wanted to know who was doing the supervision
Our 14 year old is really not doing well he went to the gym with his Dad every evening and does not get why he can no longer do this.I have explained it as best i can
Ive taken time off work. I need to try and get back to some sort of normal but am struggling to even leave the house.
Same as you taking it hour by hour for now
This was also on snapchat
My husband is not allowed to sleep in a house with anyone under the age of 16. So he is at his parents At the moment my daughter is doing the supervision. I feel bad for her
I am coming to terms that I wont get the answers I need. I just feel so let down even by Social Services they spoke on the phone and that was it all they wanted to know who was doing the supervision
Our 14 year old is really not doing well he went to the gym with his Dad every evening and does not get why he can no longer do this.I have explained it as best i can
Ive taken time off work. I need to try and get back to some sort of normal but am struggling to even leave the house.
Same as you taking it hour by hour for now
I don't have much information as I'm only a few weeks ahead of you in terms of the knock happening as I've seen people say on here.
It happened on a Friday, we were left a police contact number. Other than them ringing to get someone to pick him up from police station we've had zero contact with police. We've left voicemails/called a few times but the police in general haven't been helpful. This forum however was my lifesaver in the first week especially. This is the first time I've posted because I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. As much as none of us want to be in this situation unfortunately we are.
My other half has to stay at his Mum's as we have a young child together. No overnight stays and any visits supervised by me. On the Monday social services went to my ex's house where my eldest daughter was staying. He has asked for her to have no contact at all with my partner, which I of course signed. Social services then rang me to tell me they had spoken to my eldest daughter, and that they would be sending someone to my house to put some kind of plan in place for my youngest. Basically that was just the bail conditions and for me to supervise at all times/no personal care etc
Maybe a week and a half after the arrest my partner was visited by a social worker who took notes for a report and explained we would be going to conference. Health visitor rang the next day and visited, she also explained about the conference to me as I was clueless. The outcome of that was that we have been put on a child protection plan
That's as far as we've got so far, probably just over 3 weeks since he was arrested. So I can't tell you if you can ask for information. Police don't respond to us. At conference and meetings with any health professionals they have constantly said they can't give out information because it's an ongoing investigation which I understand, but it's incredibly hard to decide if I can believe what I've been told by my partner when he's obviously lied to me already. If I could just see for myself details I'd feel much more comfortable in telling him to save his breath, it's over, or see if I think this is something I could forgive. And they have reiterated that this is going to be a long process. They are keen to tell me probably a year minimum but don't be surprised if it goes on longer
Anyway I have massively rambled here and I apologise for that. Like I say, never posted, never opened up to anyone about this. Still just as confused as you a few weeks down the line. It just feels like nothing about this is going to be a quick process really, so be prepared for those frustrations to come
It happened on a Friday, we were left a police contact number. Other than them ringing to get someone to pick him up from police station we've had zero contact with police. We've left voicemails/called a few times but the police in general haven't been helpful. This forum however was my lifesaver in the first week especially. This is the first time I've posted because I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. As much as none of us want to be in this situation unfortunately we are.
My other half has to stay at his Mum's as we have a young child together. No overnight stays and any visits supervised by me. On the Monday social services went to my ex's house where my eldest daughter was staying. He has asked for her to have no contact at all with my partner, which I of course signed. Social services then rang me to tell me they had spoken to my eldest daughter, and that they would be sending someone to my house to put some kind of plan in place for my youngest. Basically that was just the bail conditions and for me to supervise at all times/no personal care etc
Maybe a week and a half after the arrest my partner was visited by a social worker who took notes for a report and explained we would be going to conference. Health visitor rang the next day and visited, she also explained about the conference to me as I was clueless. The outcome of that was that we have been put on a child protection plan
That's as far as we've got so far, probably just over 3 weeks since he was arrested. So I can't tell you if you can ask for information. Police don't respond to us. At conference and meetings with any health professionals they have constantly said they can't give out information because it's an ongoing investigation which I understand, but it's incredibly hard to decide if I can believe what I've been told by my partner when he's obviously lied to me already. If I could just see for myself details I'd feel much more comfortable in telling him to save his breath, it's over, or see if I think this is something I could forgive. And they have reiterated that this is going to be a long process. They are keen to tell me probably a year minimum but don't be surprised if it goes on longer
Anyway I have massively rambled here and I apologise for that. Like I say, never posted, never opened up to anyone about this. Still just as confused as you a few weeks down the line. It just feels like nothing about this is going to be a quick process really, so be prepared for those frustrations to come
I am 19 months in. Even if you asked your OH what has happened you won't get the truth. You'll likely get 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember'. As time goes on you might be lucky to find out snippets known as 'trickle truth'. Usually with this type of offence, the shame is too much for them to give full disclosure. That is where I am right now.
The police have not been helpful. They are only helpful if they need information from you. Social services seem to forget that as partners, wives etc we are victims too and have done nothing wrong, yet we are the ones dealing with the fall out of the dangerous, online choices our partners have made without our knowledge. It's devastating even now as I have 3 boys to protect, keep safe all the while the police are so overwhelmed with the cases they are investigating, that it is yet to be passed to CPS.
I genuinely thought it would all be over by now. I've been advised it could be another 9-12 months. Another year of uncertainty. The only positive to come out of this is that I recently started therapy. I need to heal as this has taken a huge amount of joy from my life. From my boys lives. Although my OH says he is remorseful and regrets what he did, I want to see full accountability. Until then it is about one day at a time.
The police have not been helpful. They are only helpful if they need information from you. Social services seem to forget that as partners, wives etc we are victims too and have done nothing wrong, yet we are the ones dealing with the fall out of the dangerous, online choices our partners have made without our knowledge. It's devastating even now as I have 3 boys to protect, keep safe all the while the police are so overwhelmed with the cases they are investigating, that it is yet to be passed to CPS.
I genuinely thought it would all be over by now. I've been advised it could be another 9-12 months. Another year of uncertainty. The only positive to come out of this is that I recently started therapy. I need to heal as this has taken a huge amount of joy from my life. From my boys lives. Although my OH says he is remorseful and regrets what he did, I want to see full accountability. Until then it is about one day at a time.
Hi Odette
So sorry to hear you are going through such an awful time. I was you 6yrs ago.
My now Ex was convicted 5yrs ago so I totally understand how you are currently feeling. From the experience I had social services didn't get to involved until my ex was convicted, then it was quite full on and intrusive and I would recommend you mentally prepare yourself for this.
In my experience I had the right to know what my now ex allowed me to know, they have the right to ask you are only told the minimum which would be what they are charged with and if your children are involved. After conviction you should then have a visit from their supervising officer who will do a full disclosure of the conviction.
We can never understand why people commit these offences, they live a life of lies and manipulation in order to hide what they are doing from you, in my experience this doesn't stop just because they get caught.
Please if you can get yourself some counselling, it will really help you understand your own feelings on what your partner has done and help you with finding a way forward.
So sorry to hear you are going through such an awful time. I was you 6yrs ago.
My now Ex was convicted 5yrs ago so I totally understand how you are currently feeling. From the experience I had social services didn't get to involved until my ex was convicted, then it was quite full on and intrusive and I would recommend you mentally prepare yourself for this.
In my experience I had the right to know what my now ex allowed me to know, they have the right to ask you are only told the minimum which would be what they are charged with and if your children are involved. After conviction you should then have a visit from their supervising officer who will do a full disclosure of the conviction.
We can never understand why people commit these offences, they live a life of lies and manipulation in order to hide what they are doing from you, in my experience this doesn't stop just because they get caught.
Please if you can get yourself some counselling, it will really help you understand your own feelings on what your partner has done and help you with finding a way forward.
