Living a lie
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My partner was arrested spring 2025 and between then and now had not spoken about his offence with me or his family. I have fully supported him both emotionally and financially through this awful time. But recently found out at court that a younger family member has been photographed by him and shared. We are now at the stage of sentencing in next few weeks. All information i have has been given during court attendances. I feel there is no future for our marriage but my emotions and thoughts are everywhere. How do i move on from this? I feel as if our whole 40 yrs together has been a lie.
Im sorry that this has happened to you. You have to grieve the person you used to know. How long that will take you, will vary.
It is scary to start again, but you can do it, if that is what you want to do. You dont have to make any quick decisions either.
It is scary to start again, but you can do it, if that is what you want to do. You dont have to make any quick decisions either.
Sunshine & Rainbows thank you for your reply. I feel i cannot trust him but i am so worried that if i do leave he will harm himself and i would never forgive myself if that happened. My daughters are split on whether i stay or go. When this hits the wider family i worry this will destroy my family. I just want to protect my daughters and grandchildren. Sometimes feel im the one who had done wrong.
Wow I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds uncannily similar to my OHs offence involving a family member on my side (no contact but photo shared in a social media group). As it happens when my family member was visited by the police for safe guarding reasons (my OH has no contact with this family member), their dad contacted the police to find out more information. I had no idea about this at all. I can totally relate to your fear of it being revealed to the wider family. It has happened now in mine. I am appalled and so angry. I feel utterly betrayed by the man I've known for 34 years.
The shame we carry for these men is not worth it. I am now realising it is not mine to own. I have done nothing wrong and I am not responsible for the dangerous online behaviour unknown to me at the time. Sending hugs x
The shame we carry for these men is not worth it. I am now realising it is not mine to own. I have done nothing wrong and I am not responsible for the dangerous online behaviour unknown to me at the time. Sending hugs x
One other question - have you started therapy? I'm finding it so important to my healing and recovery. We matter. We are not to blame.
Hi
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such an awful time. I was in your position 5yrs ago.
People that commit these offences have to be manipulative and lie in order to hide what they are doing from you. In my experience this doesn't change after they've been caught, I believe avoiding accountability is easier then having to accept that they were/are sexually attracted to children, as much as we never want to believe this, I certainly didn't, but while they are accessing indecent images, they are.
I just wanted to reassure you that there is a future and you will be ok, I honestly thought my life was over and I couldn't live without my ex. Please find yourself some counselling, social services can provide it if you ask.
Good luck
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such an awful time. I was in your position 5yrs ago.
People that commit these offences have to be manipulative and lie in order to hide what they are doing from you. In my experience this doesn't change after they've been caught, I believe avoiding accountability is easier then having to accept that they were/are sexually attracted to children, as much as we never want to believe this, I certainly didn't, but while they are accessing indecent images, they are.
I just wanted to reassure you that there is a future and you will be ok, I honestly thought my life was over and I couldn't live without my ex. Please find yourself some counselling, social services can provide it if you ask.
Good luck
