Family member 'stung' and we're all numb
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Hi all, horrible to see so many people going through the same thing.
My uncle was 'stung' by an online group recently and due to other local family being away, I have been the only family member around. My uncle has undiagnosed learning difficulities and lives with my grandmother; she's away with my mum visiting family overseas.
Even though he admitted everything in the live stream, it's still hard to know what is fact and what is not as they were so agressive towards him. He admitted to knowing he was speaking to a 13 y/o girl and to sending her indecent images and requesting them from her. He swears it was an one off, but you start spiralling and questioning everything. I have had no contact since and don't plan to, but I'm so worried about my family. My mum isn't eating or sleeping, my nan had a medical incident a few hours after it happened (due to the shock) and isn't doing well mentally. They're due home in a few days and he's out on bail at her house but I don't know what I can do to support my family while still respecting my boundaries.
Obviously the concern is that he may harm himself but I cannot place that on myself right now. He is due back in 3 weeks which seems fast compared to what I've been reading? Should we expect this to be extended and go on much longer? It's so hard to get any information from him according to my mum, he's basically shut down.
I just feel like such a ball of anxiety right now and feel like so much in mine and my familieis life has been turned upside down.
My uncle was 'stung' by an online group recently and due to other local family being away, I have been the only family member around. My uncle has undiagnosed learning difficulities and lives with my grandmother; she's away with my mum visiting family overseas.
Even though he admitted everything in the live stream, it's still hard to know what is fact and what is not as they were so agressive towards him. He admitted to knowing he was speaking to a 13 y/o girl and to sending her indecent images and requesting them from her. He swears it was an one off, but you start spiralling and questioning everything. I have had no contact since and don't plan to, but I'm so worried about my family. My mum isn't eating or sleeping, my nan had a medical incident a few hours after it happened (due to the shock) and isn't doing well mentally. They're due home in a few days and he's out on bail at her house but I don't know what I can do to support my family while still respecting my boundaries.
Obviously the concern is that he may harm himself but I cannot place that on myself right now. He is due back in 3 weeks which seems fast compared to what I've been reading? Should we expect this to be extended and go on much longer? It's so hard to get any information from him according to my mum, he's basically shut down.
I just feel like such a ball of anxiety right now and feel like so much in mine and my familieis life has been turned upside down.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. It sounds like an absolutely enormous amount to have landed on your shoulders all at once, especially with your mum and nan being away and you suddenly finding yourself trying to hold everything together.
It’s completely reasonable to have boundaries and to step back from contact if you feel thats right for you. You can care about your uncle as a person while also recognising that what he has admitted to is deeply concerning.
I also wouldn’t put too much weight on what was or wasn’t said during the livestream. If he was being aggressively confronted, you simply may not have enough reliable information to know the full picture, and spiralling through every possibility is only going to make an already awful situation harder for you. The investigation and legal process will establish what can actually be established.
As for the bail/review date, I’d try not to read too much into the three weeks. There can be different reasons for the timescales involved, and things can change. His solicitor should be the person to explain what his particular bail conditions and next steps mean.
Most importantly, please try and look after yourself too. Eat something, sleep where you can, talk to someone you trust, and give yourself permission not to be the person who holds the whole family together.
None of this is your fault. You didn't cause this, you can't fix it, and you don't have to carry the consequences of his actions on your shoulders. It sounds like you're doing the best you can in an incredibly distressing situation. Please be gentle with yourself.
It’s completely reasonable to have boundaries and to step back from contact if you feel thats right for you. You can care about your uncle as a person while also recognising that what he has admitted to is deeply concerning.
I also wouldn’t put too much weight on what was or wasn’t said during the livestream. If he was being aggressively confronted, you simply may not have enough reliable information to know the full picture, and spiralling through every possibility is only going to make an already awful situation harder for you. The investigation and legal process will establish what can actually be established.
As for the bail/review date, I’d try not to read too much into the three weeks. There can be different reasons for the timescales involved, and things can change. His solicitor should be the person to explain what his particular bail conditions and next steps mean.
Most importantly, please try and look after yourself too. Eat something, sleep where you can, talk to someone you trust, and give yourself permission not to be the person who holds the whole family together.
None of this is your fault. You didn't cause this, you can't fix it, and you don't have to carry the consequences of his actions on your shoulders. It sounds like you're doing the best you can in an incredibly distressing situation. Please be gentle with yourself.
