People Who Stayed with their OH
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Hi,
I am very interested to hear from people who stayed with their OH following convictions.
It's very very early days since the knock, and I think my brain is on overdrive right now. We have the charges but I guess it'll depend on what is actually found as to the final charge and conviction.
I could leave, and rid my hands of this, but if I'm honest, I love him, he is my world and we always say there's nothing we can't get through. I understand this is an addiction that got out of hand and he is actively seeking support and therapy already.
I understand by staying, this will financially cost a lot in laywers fees and I have to consider if he goes to prison what that would look like. Plus I wouldn't be able to travel abroad anymore etc. I also have to consider the affect to my reputation if this goes public if media stick their damn noses in.
I would be really interested to hear from people who did stay, what that looked like and how you navigates the changes. Obviously only as much as you feel comfortable sharing!
Gosh I'm so grateful for this forum, reading things have already helped a lot <3
I am very interested to hear from people who stayed with their OH following convictions.
It's very very early days since the knock, and I think my brain is on overdrive right now. We have the charges but I guess it'll depend on what is actually found as to the final charge and conviction.
I could leave, and rid my hands of this, but if I'm honest, I love him, he is my world and we always say there's nothing we can't get through. I understand this is an addiction that got out of hand and he is actively seeking support and therapy already.
I understand by staying, this will financially cost a lot in laywers fees and I have to consider if he goes to prison what that would look like. Plus I wouldn't be able to travel abroad anymore etc. I also have to consider the affect to my reputation if this goes public if media stick their damn noses in.
I would be really interested to hear from people who did stay, what that looked like and how you navigates the changes. Obviously only as much as you feel comfortable sharing!
Gosh I'm so grateful for this forum, reading things have already helped a lot <3
Hi, how early on are you?
I thought this at the very beginning but no one should expect you to make a rash decision, and although people will have their opinions they can't really comment until they are put in your situation.
For me, we are now a year since the knock. It took me a few months to get my head around all of this, and I have a daughter so had a lot of Social Services involvement which has been another stress but I came to realise that I needed to focus on myself, and my daughter and was it really fair for our future to change because of what he had done - NO! I felt I would have to live a secret life, and literally go off radar and that wasn't doing me any good mentally. I can't see past any of it - I think there's a lot he is hiding and isn't telling me truth. He 'doesn't remember' what conversations he had, so he doesn't want to tell me more than whats on social media incase ir never comes out. Since he was arrested after those months past I don't see him as the same person anymore.
I hope you manage to figure things out.
I thought this at the very beginning but no one should expect you to make a rash decision, and although people will have their opinions they can't really comment until they are put in your situation.
For me, we are now a year since the knock. It took me a few months to get my head around all of this, and I have a daughter so had a lot of Social Services involvement which has been another stress but I came to realise that I needed to focus on myself, and my daughter and was it really fair for our future to change because of what he had done - NO! I felt I would have to live a secret life, and literally go off radar and that wasn't doing me any good mentally. I can't see past any of it - I think there's a lot he is hiding and isn't telling me truth. He 'doesn't remember' what conversations he had, so he doesn't want to tell me more than whats on social media incase ir never comes out. Since he was arrested after those months past I don't see him as the same person anymore.
I hope you manage to figure things out.
Thank you for your reply!
I do believe my OH is telling me everything and I have to trust him on that. He is also seeking help too and is genuinely very remorseful.
I just feel if I left it's because of the impact on my life not that I don't love him if that makes sense which makes it harder to know what to do.
That's why I was hoping to hear from people who did stay to just feel better informed.
Thank you for your side I really appreciate it.
I do believe my OH is telling me everything and I have to trust him on that. He is also seeking help too and is genuinely very remorseful.
I just feel if I left it's because of the impact on my life not that I don't love him if that makes sense which makes it harder to know what to do.
That's why I was hoping to hear from people who did stay to just feel better informed.
Thank you for your side I really appreciate it.
It'll be 2 years in February since our first knock. As it happens it took so long for his one device to be checked (lack of resources more than anything else) that we were graced with a 2nd knock in July! So retraumatised all over again!
I take one day at a time. I have 3 boys (2 teens and an almost 12 year old) so they keep me focused and grounded. I don't really know what I will do. We have a lot tied up financially so we have a lot to consider. I love the person but I hate what he has done to our life, family. The future is so uncertain. His case has not even been passed to CPS yet. There are just so many of these cases. His dangerous, secret online behaviour has made me feel unsafe and social services are all over us like a rash. Since his rearrest in July, contact has been paused. He can't talk about any of it to me as he feels so ashamed. Plus it is so out of character so there is more to it than viewing IIOC. I want him to talk about it because I am emotionally drained with 'trickle truth'. It's like whip lash.
As time goes on you'll be in a better position to make the decision that is right for you and your family.
I take one day at a time. I have 3 boys (2 teens and an almost 12 year old) so they keep me focused and grounded. I don't really know what I will do. We have a lot tied up financially so we have a lot to consider. I love the person but I hate what he has done to our life, family. The future is so uncertain. His case has not even been passed to CPS yet. There are just so many of these cases. His dangerous, secret online behaviour has made me feel unsafe and social services are all over us like a rash. Since his rearrest in July, contact has been paused. He can't talk about any of it to me as he feels so ashamed. Plus it is so out of character so there is more to it than viewing IIOC. I want him to talk about it because I am emotionally drained with 'trickle truth'. It's like whip lash.
As time goes on you'll be in a better position to make the decision that is right for you and your family.
Thank you JoLo for your reply!
I'm so sorry for all you've been going through.
May I ask (you do not have to say!) if the re-arrest was for a new charge? I'm just worried if that is a possibility in cases like this?
All the best
I'm so sorry for all you've been going through.
May I ask (you do not have to say!) if the re-arrest was for a new charge? I'm just worried if that is a possibility in cases like this?
All the best
