I’m so angry and full of resentment
Notifications OFF
Hi all. It's been a while since I've posted on here and recently I'm really struggling and I'm full of resentment and hurt.
The knock for us was January 2024 ... so quite a while ago. He was found guilty, got 10 years on the register, SHPO, 2 years suspended sentence. He lost his job and wasn't allowed to see our daughter while SS did an assessment.
This came back that he could only see her with supervised access until she's 18. But I stopped this when I found out he had made AI images of her (and my eldest)
Move on 2 1/2 years and I feel trapped and full of anger and resentment.
Our daughter is now 7, he pays no money towards her upbringing and he doesn't see her.
I have a good job and good wage, but it's only enough to get by with a few luxuries, nothing extravagant, as I have to pay for everything. The mortgage, child care costs, etc etc I can't claim any benefits.
I feel trapped. I can't change my job which is hard and demanding, as I can't afford to drop my wage.
Everything is going up in price so that leaves me with less each month.
It's not the life I had planned. I though I would be able to enjoy going away more, nice days out, dinners out etc etc but I can't as I can't afford these things... and I work so hard, so many hours etc I don't get to go out on my own, baby sitters just adds to the price of the evening, I don't get a lot of help with childcare.
He still refuses to change her legal surname, he still has full PR even though he doesn't do anything for her. It makes me angry.
Im sorry for the rant and I appreciate anyone who has got to the bottom of this.
I don't even know what I want anyone to say, I just wanted to share with others who might understand some of it.
Take care all.
The knock for us was January 2024 ... so quite a while ago. He was found guilty, got 10 years on the register, SHPO, 2 years suspended sentence. He lost his job and wasn't allowed to see our daughter while SS did an assessment.
This came back that he could only see her with supervised access until she's 18. But I stopped this when I found out he had made AI images of her (and my eldest)
Move on 2 1/2 years and I feel trapped and full of anger and resentment.
Our daughter is now 7, he pays no money towards her upbringing and he doesn't see her.
I have a good job and good wage, but it's only enough to get by with a few luxuries, nothing extravagant, as I have to pay for everything. The mortgage, child care costs, etc etc I can't claim any benefits.
I feel trapped. I can't change my job which is hard and demanding, as I can't afford to drop my wage.
Everything is going up in price so that leaves me with less each month.
It's not the life I had planned. I though I would be able to enjoy going away more, nice days out, dinners out etc etc but I can't as I can't afford these things... and I work so hard, so many hours etc I don't get to go out on my own, baby sitters just adds to the price of the evening, I don't get a lot of help with childcare.
He still refuses to change her legal surname, he still has full PR even though he doesn't do anything for her. It makes me angry.
Im sorry for the rant and I appreciate anyone who has got to the bottom of this.
I don't even know what I want anyone to say, I just wanted to share with others who might understand some of it.
Take care all.
Hello,
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
We hope that someone will respond to your post soon, so that you can receive some support from our Forum users.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Thank you for posting on the Family and Friends Forum. We wanted to contribute to your thread as it seems you have not received a response just yet, but we hope that some of our Forum users will be able to respond to offer you some support soon. Our Forum is quite active, so occasionally posts may be missed, but we encourage you to check in frequently for a reply, as responses often come in with time.
In the meantime, if you have not already reached out, I would gently encourage you to contact our Stop It Now helpline. It is a free, confidential, and anonymous service available on 0808 1000 900. Our trained advisors are there to listen, explore your situation with you, and provide tailored support. You can find more information about the helpline and chat service, as well as our opening hours here.
We hope that someone will respond to your post soon, so that you can receive some support from our Forum users.
Take care,
The Forum Team
Hi, I found this site after reflecting on my own anger and resentment after finding out that my husband at the time of almost ten years was being arrested for viewing and possessing child pornography. The police showed up on my doorstep about a year and a half ago and that's how I found out that my marriage was over and nothing in my life was going to be the same.
i feel fortunate that we didn't have biological children together (I miscarried or we would have) but my three kids from a previous marriage, though they were adults by the time this happened, he'd been in their lives as a stepparent for almost ten years.
I can relate to what you said about this not being how you expected your life to be. No words can describe the grief- and anger and resentment as part of that- that you feel when a person you trusted and had a family with turns out to be someone capable of horrible monstrous things. There's just no way to explain it to anyone who hasn't gone through it. And you're in the position at some point of trying to help your kids understand something you can't even understand yourself.
Some days I think I'm better, that I'm putting it behind me. But there's a loneliness to this, maybe it is that piece that no one can understand this kind of betrayal and how it destroys what you thought was your life and future.
This was my second marriage and I thought this was the person I'd grow old with. Now, I contemplate whether I ever even want to try to love or trust another partner again.
It feels so unfair, not the lives we planned or the lives we deserved. I'm so sorry for your struggles...
i feel fortunate that we didn't have biological children together (I miscarried or we would have) but my three kids from a previous marriage, though they were adults by the time this happened, he'd been in their lives as a stepparent for almost ten years.
I can relate to what you said about this not being how you expected your life to be. No words can describe the grief- and anger and resentment as part of that- that you feel when a person you trusted and had a family with turns out to be someone capable of horrible monstrous things. There's just no way to explain it to anyone who hasn't gone through it. And you're in the position at some point of trying to help your kids understand something you can't even understand yourself.
Some days I think I'm better, that I'm putting it behind me. But there's a loneliness to this, maybe it is that piece that no one can understand this kind of betrayal and how it destroys what you thought was your life and future.
This was my second marriage and I thought this was the person I'd grow old with. Now, I contemplate whether I ever even want to try to love or trust another partner again.
It feels so unfair, not the lives we planned or the lives we deserved. I'm so sorry for your struggles...
Mine isn't the life I thought it would be after 32 years of marriage. Kids away. Retiring. Doing stuff together. I grieved that for a while.
4 years on I feel nothing for him and even though I now have a mortgage to pay out of my very average wage and no early retirement is on the cards due to said mortgage I'm happier than I have ever been.
No more treading on eggshells waiting for the shit to hit the fan again.
I have met someone new and 2 years in it feels so right. I'm more content. Don't need holidays, meals out or more stuff.
I hope you too can reach a happier place soon.
4 years on I feel nothing for him and even though I now have a mortgage to pay out of my very average wage and no early retirement is on the cards due to said mortgage I'm happier than I have ever been.
No more treading on eggshells waiting for the shit to hit the fan again.
I have met someone new and 2 years in it feels so right. I'm more content. Don't need holidays, meals out or more stuff.
I hope you too can reach a happier place soon.
