My world is upside down
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This is my first post, after reading some people's situations that are similar to my own, I thought I might find something to help me feel less alone if I wrote one myself.
My person is my dad. I'm in my 30's, I don't live with him but the knock came 6 days ago, another family member called me to tell me that he had been arrested for 'IP address concerns'. I spent the day worrying and trying to be hopeful that it would be a mistake. He arrived at my house later that day, crying and in shock, saying he had 'f***ed up'. He has been clean from alcoholism for nearly 30 years, but apparently has been addicted to pornography for the last three years, and was arrested for something relating to CA. He told me that he hasn't been doing what I think he's been doing. He was asked to leave the house, and when I was saying goodbye to him I could tell his head was a mess, he was like a completely different person, I was scared he'd take his own life.
I have no idea what the process is and I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. My partner and my mother know and have been supporting me through it, but I can't help but feel isolated. I never imagined this sort of thing would happen. My dad is a great dad and has always been there for me, he's the first person I would call and we've always had a close bond. But now I feel like my version of normal wasn't normal at all, and I feel this big sense of betrayal. I can't stop replaying when he arrived at my house, it's in my head constantly, I'm struggling to sleep and I can hardly eat. I feel like I'm grieving even though no one has died, and I'm having conflicting feelings where I miss my dad, but I feel like I don't know who he is now. I'm a worrier on a normal day and if I think about this situation then I end up spiralling... it's my birthday soon and I don't feel bothered about it. I'm scared how things will be at Christmas as ever since I was little, I have stayed over at my dad's on Christmas Eve, but now I won't be doing that, I don't even know if I will see him? How can you exchange presents and spend 'quality' time with someone after this has happened? I'm terrified of the future, the local news, people finding out. I'm scared for my dad if people do find out.
I'm trying to do little things during the day so I can gain some sort of routine, even drinking water or having a shower. It feels like I've rambled, but if anyone can offer any sort of advice or words of encouragement to get me through the day, I'd be extremely grateful. Thank you
My person is my dad. I'm in my 30's, I don't live with him but the knock came 6 days ago, another family member called me to tell me that he had been arrested for 'IP address concerns'. I spent the day worrying and trying to be hopeful that it would be a mistake. He arrived at my house later that day, crying and in shock, saying he had 'f***ed up'. He has been clean from alcoholism for nearly 30 years, but apparently has been addicted to pornography for the last three years, and was arrested for something relating to CA. He told me that he hasn't been doing what I think he's been doing. He was asked to leave the house, and when I was saying goodbye to him I could tell his head was a mess, he was like a completely different person, I was scared he'd take his own life.
I have no idea what the process is and I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. My partner and my mother know and have been supporting me through it, but I can't help but feel isolated. I never imagined this sort of thing would happen. My dad is a great dad and has always been there for me, he's the first person I would call and we've always had a close bond. But now I feel like my version of normal wasn't normal at all, and I feel this big sense of betrayal. I can't stop replaying when he arrived at my house, it's in my head constantly, I'm struggling to sleep and I can hardly eat. I feel like I'm grieving even though no one has died, and I'm having conflicting feelings where I miss my dad, but I feel like I don't know who he is now. I'm a worrier on a normal day and if I think about this situation then I end up spiralling... it's my birthday soon and I don't feel bothered about it. I'm scared how things will be at Christmas as ever since I was little, I have stayed over at my dad's on Christmas Eve, but now I won't be doing that, I don't even know if I will see him? How can you exchange presents and spend 'quality' time with someone after this has happened? I'm terrified of the future, the local news, people finding out. I'm scared for my dad if people do find out.
I'm trying to do little things during the day so I can gain some sort of routine, even drinking water or having a shower. It feels like I've rambled, but if anyone can offer any sort of advice or words of encouragement to get me through the day, I'd be extremely grateful. Thank you
Hi,
I just wanted to reach out because so much of what you've written reflects the shock and confusion that many of us have felt.
First of all, please know that you are not rambling. Everything you're describing sounds like a very normal response to an incredibly distressing and life-changing situation. Six days is such a short amount of time, and it sounds as though you're still trying to process a huge amount of information whilst also worrying about your dad, your mum, your future, and even what things like birthdays and Christmas will look like now.
What stood out to me was when you said you feel like you're grieving even though nobody has died. Its a feeling so many of us experience. The person you thought you knew, the future you expected, and the sense of safety and normality you've always had with your dad have all been shaken. It's understandable that you're feeling loss, sadness, anger, confusion and love all at once.
It's also important to remember that right now you don't have all the facts. In the early days our minds often try to fill in the gaps, which can lead us into spiralling thoughts and catastrophic scenarios. For now, it may help to focus only on what you actually know today rather than what might happen weeks or months down the line.
I was glad to read that you're managing small things like drinking water, having a shower and trying to keep some routine. Those may seem insignificant, but when you're living through a trauma they are important achievements. Sometimes getting through the next hour is enough.
You don't have to decide today what your relationship with your dad will look like in the future, whether you'll see him at Christmas, or how you'll feel months from now. Those answers can come later. Right now, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself space to process what has happened.
Most of all, please know that you're not alone. Many of us arrived here feeling isolated, frightened and unable to imagine how life could ever feel normal again. The fact that you've shared your story is a positive step, and I hope you'll continue to post whenever you need support.
Take care of yourself, one day at a time. You may not believe it now but life won't always feel this hard.
I just wanted to reach out because so much of what you've written reflects the shock and confusion that many of us have felt.
First of all, please know that you are not rambling. Everything you're describing sounds like a very normal response to an incredibly distressing and life-changing situation. Six days is such a short amount of time, and it sounds as though you're still trying to process a huge amount of information whilst also worrying about your dad, your mum, your future, and even what things like birthdays and Christmas will look like now.
What stood out to me was when you said you feel like you're grieving even though nobody has died. Its a feeling so many of us experience. The person you thought you knew, the future you expected, and the sense of safety and normality you've always had with your dad have all been shaken. It's understandable that you're feeling loss, sadness, anger, confusion and love all at once.
It's also important to remember that right now you don't have all the facts. In the early days our minds often try to fill in the gaps, which can lead us into spiralling thoughts and catastrophic scenarios. For now, it may help to focus only on what you actually know today rather than what might happen weeks or months down the line.
I was glad to read that you're managing small things like drinking water, having a shower and trying to keep some routine. Those may seem insignificant, but when you're living through a trauma they are important achievements. Sometimes getting through the next hour is enough.
You don't have to decide today what your relationship with your dad will look like in the future, whether you'll see him at Christmas, or how you'll feel months from now. Those answers can come later. Right now, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself space to process what has happened.
Most of all, please know that you're not alone. Many of us arrived here feeling isolated, frightened and unable to imagine how life could ever feel normal again. The fact that you've shared your story is a positive step, and I hope you'll continue to post whenever you need support.
Take care of yourself, one day at a time. You may not believe it now but life won't always feel this hard.
