No Fault Divorce is Unfair
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I am currently going through a divorce that my ex has stretched out for two years. The knock for us came in 2023 and was a complete shock for me.
The divorce process just seems to be in his favour. I can't understand why his crimes don't come into it and he still gets 50/50. Even when he only has supervised access once a month, me having the kids 100% of the time does not come into it. He earns 2.5 times as much as me and will only have to pay child maintenance. It all seems so unfair, I did nothing wrong, he was the one who ruined our marriage yet I'm literally the one paying for everything in the divorce. He refuses to get a solicitor so my solicitor is doing everything. I'm just so frustrated and want to get this sorted. He has had mental health issues and is saying that he can't cope with it and won't make a decision until he feels able to. I just need to move on but he won't let me.
The divorce process just seems to be in his favour. I can't understand why his crimes don't come into it and he still gets 50/50. Even when he only has supervised access once a month, me having the kids 100% of the time does not come into it. He earns 2.5 times as much as me and will only have to pay child maintenance. It all seems so unfair, I did nothing wrong, he was the one who ruined our marriage yet I'm literally the one paying for everything in the divorce. He refuses to get a solicitor so my solicitor is doing everything. I'm just so frustrated and want to get this sorted. He has had mental health issues and is saying that he can't cope with it and won't make a decision until he feels able to. I just need to move on but he won't let me.
Even though my story is different..Brother rather than partner. Ive said so many times ive lost count. Their actions are our consequences . And it is the most angering frustrating thing of all time.
It is very frustrating and though I have not divorced my OH I have considered it. Though divorce is no fault the fact that you have the children 100% of the time can be factored in, as well as his and yours earning power. There is a good source of information on mumsnet. They have a divorce forum which had loads of advice. You do not have to have an account with mumsnet or log in as i have neither. I read the posts to try and give myself as much information as i can in case i do decide to divorce.
I whole heartedly understand how you feel. Im in a similar position OH has been bailed pending investigation, hes kept living in the family home while ive had to move back to my parents. I had to start the proceedings because he is refusing to sell the home to release my equity. I have his child 100% and wouldn't have it any other way because I dont trust him anymore, guilty or not. Hes taking me to court over contact with our child but doesnt see what harm and distress hes caused. Its so frustrating. Keep your head held high, vent to your family and friends and dont let him get under your skin!
Yep; sucks doesn't it
In divorce it's 50/50 for everything.
I earn more, had a better pension (he'd never bothered with a few work ones where I'd made my contributions). Yet he's entitled to half of everything-even any future money I may come into, even if I remarry or win the lottery. I initiated the divorce so I paid for all of it, including all the costs of changing joint details on everything. I got a financial order to sever our financial connections after divorce. I also had to pay him his share of equity in the house. I was saddled with two home improvement loans as I kept the house. His offences have had a big cost; my health, the future I'd planned, very nearly my job, and a lot of money. But I knew I had to get out, move on and start to recover without the old ties and my own peace of mind and securing control over my own future was worth it.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, never paid for a divorce.
In divorce it's 50/50 for everything.
I earn more, had a better pension (he'd never bothered with a few work ones where I'd made my contributions). Yet he's entitled to half of everything-even any future money I may come into, even if I remarry or win the lottery. I initiated the divorce so I paid for all of it, including all the costs of changing joint details on everything. I got a financial order to sever our financial connections after divorce. I also had to pay him his share of equity in the house. I was saddled with two home improvement loans as I kept the house. His offences have had a big cost; my health, the future I'd planned, very nearly my job, and a lot of money. But I knew I had to get out, move on and start to recover without the old ties and my own peace of mind and securing control over my own future was worth it.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, never paid for a divorce.
If you have had the financial part severed he isn't entitled to future windfalls such as inheritance, lottery etc - that is the reason for that part of the divorce process.
Holdingthegrenade your last comment made me laugh.
I was advised to get a minute of agreement- which he signed and paid half for without realizing what he had signed i think. I did it to protect my pension and an inheritance from my mum. He said he wouldn't come after my money but at that point I didn't believe a word he said.
I sold the house and he had half even though he had wanted some of the expensive things out of it. But that was fine as I just wanted rid of the house and him.
He has been rehoused by the council whereas at the age of 58 I had to get a 10 year mortgage so no early retirement for me.
But it was all worth it as I am very happy and content with my new life.
I was advised to get a minute of agreement- which he signed and paid half for without realizing what he had signed i think. I did it to protect my pension and an inheritance from my mum. He said he wouldn't come after my money but at that point I didn't believe a word he said.
I sold the house and he had half even though he had wanted some of the expensive things out of it. But that was fine as I just wanted rid of the house and him.
He has been rehoused by the council whereas at the age of 58 I had to get a 10 year mortgage so no early retirement for me.
But it was all worth it as I am very happy and content with my new life.