Almost at sentencing
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Hi,
Very long time since I've posted, been reading frequently in the background.
Over 3 years since the knock and almost at sentencing (finally). Hubby has been charged with attempted communication. Only evidence is one conversation with what turns out to be a police decoy, but hubby admits this happy.
We paid for a specialist solicitor, who has been fantastic. Hubby pleaded guilty at magistrates court, and has sentencing on 2nd November.
He's had to sign on the SOR and had first visit from police today, luckily I was at work so didn't need to go through the trauma of police in the house again.
I've written my letter of support for court, as has his mum. Has anyone found that these help?
Hubby has been open about everything. There are no excuses, but his mental health was awful and he was looking for an escape. He has since done a course through LFF, uses the phone line and has been in counselling since the knock.
I've never doubted whether I should have stayed with him, he is my rock and just fell into a bad place (many years of ignoring his declining mental health) and has dug his way out of it.
The wait for court and sentencing has been horrendous. And I am feeling relieved that things are coming to an end.
I know it's not the end, because he will still have his sentence to get through and the time on the SOR and probably a SHPO based on what the solicitor has said. But knowing what is to come is helping.
The bit that scares me is knowing that as he is now on the SOR the police can turn up at any time. I still get palpitations when the door goes unexpectedly and I dread them turning up when I'm here.
Not really sure what the point of my post is, other than sharing my thoughts with others who maybe understand why a knock on the door can be so triggering. Xx
Very long time since I've posted, been reading frequently in the background.
Over 3 years since the knock and almost at sentencing (finally). Hubby has been charged with attempted communication. Only evidence is one conversation with what turns out to be a police decoy, but hubby admits this happy.
We paid for a specialist solicitor, who has been fantastic. Hubby pleaded guilty at magistrates court, and has sentencing on 2nd November.
He's had to sign on the SOR and had first visit from police today, luckily I was at work so didn't need to go through the trauma of police in the house again.
I've written my letter of support for court, as has his mum. Has anyone found that these help?
Hubby has been open about everything. There are no excuses, but his mental health was awful and he was looking for an escape. He has since done a course through LFF, uses the phone line and has been in counselling since the knock.
I've never doubted whether I should have stayed with him, he is my rock and just fell into a bad place (many years of ignoring his declining mental health) and has dug his way out of it.
The wait for court and sentencing has been horrendous. And I am feeling relieved that things are coming to an end.
I know it's not the end, because he will still have his sentence to get through and the time on the SOR and probably a SHPO based on what the solicitor has said. But knowing what is to come is helping.
The bit that scares me is knowing that as he is now on the SOR the police can turn up at any time. I still get palpitations when the door goes unexpectedly and I dread them turning up when I'm here.
Not really sure what the point of my post is, other than sharing my thoughts with others who maybe understand why a knock on the door can be so triggering. Xx
I couldn't just read and not respond. A year ago I was in exactly your position.
My husband was awaiting sentencing for one conversation with a police decoy and 2 images found on his device. He too had been ignoring his declining mental health, and kept it hidden from me so I had no idea just how low he had got.
Between the initial arrest and sentencing he worked extremely hard on improving his mental health and did absolutely everything that was asked of him to discover how this had happened and prevent it from ever happening again. He did courses, had counselling, and left his toxic workplace, even though that was very hard financially.
I'm not sure if your OH is being sentenced at Magistrates or Crown Court - mine was the former. We too had an extremely good solicitor who was compassionate and experienced.
The outcome for us was 5 years SOR and 5 years SHPO, 180 hours community service and 18 month probation.
DO not be afraid to challenge any SHPO restrictions that you feel to be OTT. Our solicitor argued that NO contact with under 18s was too restrictive to daily life, so it was lessened to 'not to remain in a household with.......'. we had to get permission to see the grandchildren but they can now visit with a parent being present and we can go to theirs. However we were able to go to a family wedding earlier this year as it was not 'in a household'.
Both me and my adult daughter wrote character references and the magistrate acknowledged that these were instrumental in his sentence not being custodial so yes, they help.
If you need some support in the coming days and weeks, please don't be afraid to message me x
My husband was awaiting sentencing for one conversation with a police decoy and 2 images found on his device. He too had been ignoring his declining mental health, and kept it hidden from me so I had no idea just how low he had got.
Between the initial arrest and sentencing he worked extremely hard on improving his mental health and did absolutely everything that was asked of him to discover how this had happened and prevent it from ever happening again. He did courses, had counselling, and left his toxic workplace, even though that was very hard financially.
I'm not sure if your OH is being sentenced at Magistrates or Crown Court - mine was the former. We too had an extremely good solicitor who was compassionate and experienced.
The outcome for us was 5 years SOR and 5 years SHPO, 180 hours community service and 18 month probation.
DO not be afraid to challenge any SHPO restrictions that you feel to be OTT. Our solicitor argued that NO contact with under 18s was too restrictive to daily life, so it was lessened to 'not to remain in a household with.......'. we had to get permission to see the grandchildren but they can now visit with a parent being present and we can go to theirs. However we were able to go to a family wedding earlier this year as it was not 'in a household'.
Both me and my adult daughter wrote character references and the magistrate acknowledged that these were instrumental in his sentence not being custodial so yes, they help.
If you need some support in the coming days and weeks, please don't be afraid to message me x
Have recently been in Crown Court and judge commented the character references from myself, daughter and son in law was the main reason he did not have a custodial sentence, solicitor said before that between 3-5 references were good to have but one would be better than nothing. I attended both magistrates and crown which was very stressful and hard to listen to information read out although I had been told most of the information before.
Agree the waiting and unknown is a horrible place to be as mind can't switch off, especially the length of time some people have to wait for outcome without any communication of process. Sending best wishes to you and everyone who is going through the same though no fault of their own.
Agree the waiting and unknown is a horrible place to be as mind can't switch off, especially the length of time some people have to wait for outcome without any communication of process. Sending best wishes to you and everyone who is going through the same though no fault of their own.
Character references are very relevant to the outcome, so please write them. You can find templates online, or examples on this site, or you can run it through chat GPT - but if you do that make sure you adapt it so it sounds like your own words, not computer generated.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply ??
Hubby is being sentenced in Magistrates (which is a huge relief financially as much as anything!) both me and his mum have written statements with his solicitors support, but all our own words.
Keeping our fingers crossed for a good outcome, well as good as we can get. Because he pleaded guilty he's already signed on the SOR and solicitor has said SHPO is almost certain and is hoping for a community order.
One thing is for sure, I am so thankful for the support available through this forum and also available to hubby through the Lucy faithful foundation, I am almost certain that without that help, my hubby wouldn't still be with us today as his mental health hit absolute rock bottom after the knock.
Hubby is being sentenced in Magistrates (which is a huge relief financially as much as anything!) both me and his mum have written statements with his solicitors support, but all our own words.
Keeping our fingers crossed for a good outcome, well as good as we can get. Because he pleaded guilty he's already signed on the SOR and solicitor has said SHPO is almost certain and is hoping for a community order.
One thing is for sure, I am so thankful for the support available through this forum and also available to hubby through the Lucy faithful foundation, I am almost certain that without that help, my hubby wouldn't still be with us today as his mental health hit absolute rock bottom after the knock.