Looking for advise
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My husband was taken by the police 4 weeks ago for contacting a minor which was actually a undercover policeman. I know its bad enough he spoke to her/policeman but he never made any suggestions in our 14 year marriage before. He told me he was in a bad place and somehow this happened. Please dont judge as I am very much in pain with this all. I do believe him as this behaviour is not normal for him.
We have 3 boys and with social services involved they havent had any contact with him at all. And I follow the rules even its painful as they miss their dad and dont understand why he hasn't contacted them as even when he was away dunno work he would always call them regularly.
This alone is hard to manage. Since them I lost my job and life seems going down.
So far I havent told them what happened so I wonder how others have breaker the news to their children.
Also has anyone experience in first offence and can give me some ideas how this will go.
I have a ICPPM next week and very worried as social services assessment clearly says that my marriage and contact to my husband is worrying them as they dont think I can protect my children even if it says as well that I am working with them, taking therapy sessions to deal with everything and being in contactvwith stopitnow.
He has been charged but not found not guilty or not. This is all still to come.
I also struggle with social services as constantly the name of my son is spelled wrong and dates and places are made up. I need to trust them that they make the right decision about my family but dont even address all facts right.
I have contacted a lawyer but as this all is at the start they can only advise to work with social workers.
I would just love to hear some advise as this feels so lonely.
We have 3 boys and with social services involved they havent had any contact with him at all. And I follow the rules even its painful as they miss their dad and dont understand why he hasn't contacted them as even when he was away dunno work he would always call them regularly.
This alone is hard to manage. Since them I lost my job and life seems going down.
So far I havent told them what happened so I wonder how others have breaker the news to their children.
Also has anyone experience in first offence and can give me some ideas how this will go.
I have a ICPPM next week and very worried as social services assessment clearly says that my marriage and contact to my husband is worrying them as they dont think I can protect my children even if it says as well that I am working with them, taking therapy sessions to deal with everything and being in contactvwith stopitnow.
He has been charged but not found not guilty or not. This is all still to come.
I also struggle with social services as constantly the name of my son is spelled wrong and dates and places are made up. I need to trust them that they make the right decision about my family but dont even address all facts right.
I have contacted a lawyer but as this all is at the start they can only advise to work with social workers.
I would just love to hear some advise as this feels so lonely.
Hi, I'm sorry you find yourself having to deal with social services, I remember that additional worry only to well.
Social services will want to see that you are focusing on the children's safety above everything else. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop loving or supporting your husband, but it does mean showing that you understand why professionals are concerned and that you take those concerns seriously.
A few things that may help:
• Be honest and open with social workers. Try to avoid minimising what has happened or defending your husband as that can make them worry that the risks are not being fully recognised.
• Acknowledge that, because of the offence and the information available, there will be risks that need to be assessed. You don't have to say you believe he is definitely a danger, but it is helpful to show that you understand why an assessment is needed.
• Make it clear that the children's safety and emotional wellbeing come first, even when that is difficult personally.
• Follow any safety plans, or professional advice consistently. Demonstrating reliability and cooperation can make a difference.
• Engage positively with any support offered, such as parenting work, counselling, or family support programmes.
• Keep communication calm, respectful and child-focused when speaking with professionals. Even when you disagree, showing that you can work constructively with them is important.
• If your husband is taking responsibility for his actions and engaging with any recommended programmes or assessments, make sure this is evidenced.
And remember that social services are looking for evidence of protective parenting. They will want to feel confident that if concerns arose in the future, you would recognise them and act to protect the children, even if that meant making difficult decisions.
It might be an idea to speak with your children before the meeting with social services. You'd then be able to tell them that you've spoken to the children without them telling you it's something you need to do.
I wish you all the best.
Social services will want to see that you are focusing on the children's safety above everything else. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop loving or supporting your husband, but it does mean showing that you understand why professionals are concerned and that you take those concerns seriously.
A few things that may help:
• Be honest and open with social workers. Try to avoid minimising what has happened or defending your husband as that can make them worry that the risks are not being fully recognised.
• Acknowledge that, because of the offence and the information available, there will be risks that need to be assessed. You don't have to say you believe he is definitely a danger, but it is helpful to show that you understand why an assessment is needed.
• Make it clear that the children's safety and emotional wellbeing come first, even when that is difficult personally.
• Follow any safety plans, or professional advice consistently. Demonstrating reliability and cooperation can make a difference.
• Engage positively with any support offered, such as parenting work, counselling, or family support programmes.
• Keep communication calm, respectful and child-focused when speaking with professionals. Even when you disagree, showing that you can work constructively with them is important.
• If your husband is taking responsibility for his actions and engaging with any recommended programmes or assessments, make sure this is evidenced.
And remember that social services are looking for evidence of protective parenting. They will want to feel confident that if concerns arose in the future, you would recognise them and act to protect the children, even if that meant making difficult decisions.
It might be an idea to speak with your children before the meeting with social services. You'd then be able to tell them that you've spoken to the children without them telling you it's something you need to do.
I wish you all the best.