After its all over
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Is there anyone here who has been through the whole process? Knock, waiting, court, sentencing? What is life like after all the legal stuff is over and you've living with someone on the register? Did family come round ever? Can't contemplate a life after....
Hi Ann P
We're 18 months post knock and 6 months post sentencing. We stayed together and the sentence was suspended for 2 years.
Before we even got home after court it had been reported in local media and was all over Facebook. There was no physical threat to us but we felt very unsafe for quite some time.
Our 2 sides of the family have dealt with it very differently and I am now estranged from some of mine as they cannot accept that I stayed with him.
My husband no longer works, we had to leave our home and are still not settled in permanent accommodation.
Life goes on each day but it is always there in the background.
It's been a rough 6 months and I cant quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but I'm hopefull of getting there.
My advice is to take each day as it comes, you will have good & bad.
I wish you all the best.
We're 18 months post knock and 6 months post sentencing. We stayed together and the sentence was suspended for 2 years.
Before we even got home after court it had been reported in local media and was all over Facebook. There was no physical threat to us but we felt very unsafe for quite some time.
Our 2 sides of the family have dealt with it very differently and I am now estranged from some of mine as they cannot accept that I stayed with him.
My husband no longer works, we had to leave our home and are still not settled in permanent accommodation.
Life goes on each day but it is always there in the background.
It's been a rough 6 months and I cant quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but I'm hopefull of getting there.
My advice is to take each day as it comes, you will have good & bad.
I wish you all the best.
Thanks Bella Rose just had a particularly crap day. My grown up children are all hurting in different ways and that hurts me. Hard to see a way through. But yes you're right ond day at a time. This too shall pass.
Hello. ANN
18 months since my partner was convicted.. We live in a culdisac, neighbours now completely blank us as it was reported in the local and national press. We have had no issues and accept how the neighbours now treat us.
His growth up family and children have all disowned him and he has zero contact which is very sad. My family have been supportive and a few are still sociable to my hubby.
Life does move forward, neither of us now use social media which is a blessing as it wasn't something which we needed, in hindsight I don't miss it.
My only regret is the future strain it will put on my own childrens children. My partner will be forever Persona non Gratia.... which means having the grandchildren sleep over and weekends away an impossibility.
Best wishes
18 months since my partner was convicted.. We live in a culdisac, neighbours now completely blank us as it was reported in the local and national press. We have had no issues and accept how the neighbours now treat us.
His growth up family and children have all disowned him and he has zero contact which is very sad. My family have been supportive and a few are still sociable to my hubby.
Life does move forward, neither of us now use social media which is a blessing as it wasn't something which we needed, in hindsight I don't miss it.
My only regret is the future strain it will put on my own childrens children. My partner will be forever Persona non Gratia.... which means having the grandchildren sleep over and weekends away an impossibility.
Best wishes
Thank you Snowdrop and poster
Another sort of life is possible I suppose just very hard to imagine right now. We have grandchildren already and I don't think they'll ever stay with us again even with their parents. For me this has been the worst and hardest part. When no one knew except police, solicitor and a few other professionals it wasn't too bad. Now more people know (the family) everything has gone very rapidly downhill. My children are so, so angry. I don't think they'll be able to be any where near him for a very long time. I'm just relieved that so far they haven't cut off contact with me for deciding to stay. Without me he really has nothing and no one and just simple humanity makes me stay. Our relationship will never be the same. It's our 44th wedding anniversary today and that just makes me sad.
Another sort of life is possible I suppose just very hard to imagine right now. We have grandchildren already and I don't think they'll ever stay with us again even with their parents. For me this has been the worst and hardest part. When no one knew except police, solicitor and a few other professionals it wasn't too bad. Now more people know (the family) everything has gone very rapidly downhill. My children are so, so angry. I don't think they'll be able to be any where near him for a very long time. I'm just relieved that so far they haven't cut off contact with me for deciding to stay. Without me he really has nothing and no one and just simple humanity makes me stay. Our relationship will never be the same. It's our 44th wedding anniversary today and that just makes me sad.
My partner was sentenced 6 months ago with a two year sentence suspended for two years and 200 hours community service. On the register for 10years and sexual prevention order.
He hasn't seen his kids in three years and is working with SS to arrange going back to court to get some sort of visitation rights. No one in my family know about his conviction and I dread the day they might find out. His family and friends were quite supportive but his uncle has disowned him and his ex wife has cut pretty much all ties (she is forced by the courts to give him monthly updates on the kids).
We go day by day. When it comes to making sure we follow the various conditions and requirements we go for better safe than safe approach. Need to be mindful of changes in life situations (including getting a new car) need to be reported. He isn't allowed to stay over night if a child is present and this caused some tension with the police over new year. We didn't think to check if children were going to stay over too at a friend's house and the police didn't believe my partner so checked with his friend (who wasn't impressed, he is supportive of my partner but coz he has a young child the police act as if he should not be friends with my partner. Even tho we understand and agree my partner will not interact with his friends' children).
As someone said elsewhere, life isn't ideal but manageable.
He hasn't seen his kids in three years and is working with SS to arrange going back to court to get some sort of visitation rights. No one in my family know about his conviction and I dread the day they might find out. His family and friends were quite supportive but his uncle has disowned him and his ex wife has cut pretty much all ties (she is forced by the courts to give him monthly updates on the kids).
We go day by day. When it comes to making sure we follow the various conditions and requirements we go for better safe than safe approach. Need to be mindful of changes in life situations (including getting a new car) need to be reported. He isn't allowed to stay over night if a child is present and this caused some tension with the police over new year. We didn't think to check if children were going to stay over too at a friend's house and the police didn't believe my partner so checked with his friend (who wasn't impressed, he is supportive of my partner but coz he has a young child the police act as if he should not be friends with my partner. Even tho we understand and agree my partner will not interact with his friends' children).
As someone said elsewhere, life isn't ideal but manageable.
We are 14 months post knock and 2 weeks from sentencing. Its hard. It was in papers so we cant really go back to work. I can get new one but my husband will have a problem. Ss have closed our case long time ago giving my husband unsupervised contact with our children but now his probation officer is not happy for me to go to work and leave him with our kids???!!! So what are we supposed to do? I was hoping it will be easier when all will hit the court eventually but life after is not easier as there is no one to help. Im sorry for being so miserable but just feel at the moment like Im fighting with entire world so we will not die starving but I just dont have anyones help. Every time I come up with a new plan it goes into the bin. I dont want much. I just want to make sure we have enough for food and pay all the bills. Im sorry cause I realise that it should be more optimistic but at the moment its really hard. I actually wanted to do new topic of positive stories. Just to see if there were any happy endings
Ann, I am 5 years post knock. We've been through bail, plea deal, sentencing, deferred sentencing, prison, release, community payback, license ending, spcial work closing the case and a couple of house moves. Life will never be the same but that diesnt mean it still cant be good.
Friends have mostly gone, some family too but the ones that really matter stayed. We are as happy as any other married couple. We love each other and we argue the only difference is the register and he doesnt work yet. Theres always a way through it x
Friends have mostly gone, some family too but the ones that really matter stayed. We are as happy as any other married couple. We love each other and we argue the only difference is the register and he doesnt work yet. Theres always a way through it x
Excuse my awful spelling!