Thoughts nearly 6 months on
Notifications OFF
It's really on my mind tonight so I thought I'd write this.
I can't lie and say I don't think about it everyday because I definitely do. I appreciate that my SO has spoken with me about this openly but we don't discuss it as much these days. Our relationship is still loving and they still answer any and all questions that I have though I don't have as many these days. It's scary how you can adapt to one of your worst case scenarios that you couldn't even imagine. I couldn't ever have predicted this two years ago.
The instability of the future feels like a near constant that's only increased in my head. I think I'm more determined to try and get a good salary and stable job. It feels like a lot is riding on me, even as they reassure me that the businesss they're starting will be okay. It's not too much of a difference though because they were physically disabled already and I expected to be the breadwinner.
I did start therapy from lucyfaithful but find that, as a university student, I'm struggling to afford it so I've been forced to pause it. I really miss my therapist, she's excellent and I'll book a session as soon as I can scramble up the money. For now, I'm trying free therapy but it's group so I can't talk about this situation.
I don't know where I'm going with this. It all feels crazy and yet my mind is now used to what the future will be. I have split up the time in my head and am hoping that when notification requirements are finished in 10 years, I will really feel free. In the meantime, I am trying to keep busy and remember to keep myself at the centre of my decisions.
I hope everyone is doing well.
I can't lie and say I don't think about it everyday because I definitely do. I appreciate that my SO has spoken with me about this openly but we don't discuss it as much these days. Our relationship is still loving and they still answer any and all questions that I have though I don't have as many these days. It's scary how you can adapt to one of your worst case scenarios that you couldn't even imagine. I couldn't ever have predicted this two years ago.
The instability of the future feels like a near constant that's only increased in my head. I think I'm more determined to try and get a good salary and stable job. It feels like a lot is riding on me, even as they reassure me that the businesss they're starting will be okay. It's not too much of a difference though because they were physically disabled already and I expected to be the breadwinner.
I did start therapy from lucyfaithful but find that, as a university student, I'm struggling to afford it so I've been forced to pause it. I really miss my therapist, she's excellent and I'll book a session as soon as I can scramble up the money. For now, I'm trying free therapy but it's group so I can't talk about this situation.
I don't know where I'm going with this. It all feels crazy and yet my mind is now used to what the future will be. I have split up the time in my head and am hoping that when notification requirements are finished in 10 years, I will really feel free. In the meantime, I am trying to keep busy and remember to keep myself at the centre of my decisions.
I hope everyone is doing well.
