A year on- memory loss
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It's coming up to a year since the Knock (on the night before my birthday, so I spent my birthday last year crying and trying to figure out what the hell happened).
I honestly thought I was thriving- his bail conditions expired and he was RUI which meant I had a little more childcare and I could go to an exercise class and for a walk, and I just started to feel a bit better. Looking after myself, having hobbies, dressing well, focusing on my kids and career.
and now we're so close to the anniversary it's like it's brought it all to a halt- I realised I have significant memory loss for about 6 months, at least most of my baby's life. I get really upset about random things, and now I keep getting flashbacks to that night. I went to the gp who said it was normal and referred for talking therapy, but i did therapy throughout those months, and honestly it feels too raw to poke at.
I mentioned the memory loss to my ex and he tried to tell me about his bad dreams and I just lost it. 'We are not in this together. This is something you DID and now I have been damaged by. I can't remember my baby's childhood and you took that from me.'
i still live In fear of when he does get tried and the local news becsuse it's going to affect our kids at school. I imagine the party invites stop when daddy's been talking to young girls.
i didnt manage to access my anger for a long time so I feel like I'm making up for it.
anyone else have memory loss and did the memories come back eventually?
I honestly thought I was thriving- his bail conditions expired and he was RUI which meant I had a little more childcare and I could go to an exercise class and for a walk, and I just started to feel a bit better. Looking after myself, having hobbies, dressing well, focusing on my kids and career.
and now we're so close to the anniversary it's like it's brought it all to a halt- I realised I have significant memory loss for about 6 months, at least most of my baby's life. I get really upset about random things, and now I keep getting flashbacks to that night. I went to the gp who said it was normal and referred for talking therapy, but i did therapy throughout those months, and honestly it feels too raw to poke at.
I mentioned the memory loss to my ex and he tried to tell me about his bad dreams and I just lost it. 'We are not in this together. This is something you DID and now I have been damaged by. I can't remember my baby's childhood and you took that from me.'
i still live In fear of when he does get tried and the local news becsuse it's going to affect our kids at school. I imagine the party invites stop when daddy's been talking to young girls.
i didnt manage to access my anger for a long time so I feel like I'm making up for it.
anyone else have memory loss and did the memories come back eventually?
A gentle form of therapy to heal the PTSD without having to rake it all up is worth looking into. Perhaps 'somatic experiencing'?
Go well
Go well
Why do these men continually refer back to their pain, their regret, how the fall out will affect them in the end?
I definitely recommend therapy. It has helped me enormously in the past few weeks. It has taken me a long time (we are 19 months in) to accept that this is not on me, not my burden, not my shame. Yet all this anger and hurt (with wider family too) is because of something HE did to US. The knock (twice!), Social services, uncertainty around money and life. It is horrible and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
I definitely recommend therapy. It has helped me enormously in the past few weeks. It has taken me a long time (we are 19 months in) to accept that this is not on me, not my burden, not my shame. Yet all this anger and hurt (with wider family too) is because of something HE did to US. The knock (twice!), Social services, uncertainty around money and life. It is horrible and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.