It's coming up to a year since the Knock (on the night before my birthday, so I spent my birthday last year crying and trying to figure out what the hell happened).

I honestly thought I was thriving- his bail conditions expired and he was RUI which meant I had a little more childcare and I could go to an exercise class and for a walk, and I just started to feel a bit better. Looking after myself, having hobbies, dressing well, focusing on my kids and career.

and now we're so close to the anniversary it's like it's brought it all to a halt- I realised I have significant memory loss for about 6 months, at least most of my baby's life. I get really upset about random things, and now I keep getting flashbacks to that night. I went to the gp who said it was normal and referred for talking therapy, but i did therapy throughout those months, and honestly it feels too raw to poke at.



I mentioned the memory loss to my ex and he tried to tell me about his bad dreams and I just lost it. 'We are not in this together. This is something you DID and now I have been damaged by. I can't remember my baby's childhood and you took that from me.'

i still live In fear of when he does get tried and the local news becsuse it's going to affect our kids at school. I imagine the party invites stop when daddy's been talking to young girls.

i didnt manage to access my anger for a long time so I feel like I'm making up for it.

anyone else have memory loss and did the memories come back eventually?