I have never felt so abandoned and alone and just need somewhere to let it all out among people who may understand.



My partner was arrested for IIOC offences two years ago. Multiple police surrounded his car and aggressively dragged him out in a supermarket carpark (their initial intelligence suggested potential 'contact' offences). They left me in the carpark, alone, shaking, being filmed by nosey onlookers with no car or way of getting home. I was completely traumatised by the whole experience and am still affected by seeing police cars pull up beside me today. We weren't living together and had only been in a relationship for 6 months at the time of his arrest so I assumed then and there that our relationship was over.

Later that evening, I was visited by two inspectors who told me it "wasn't quite as bad as they initially thought" (ie regarding the 'contact' offences). His home wasn't suitable for bail due to children visiting so they spent the next hour persuading me to let him move in with me on bail. I was obviously in shock and still trying to process everything that had happened. I had no real understanding of what I was agreeing to or the potential consequence for my own life. Looking back I question whether I was even in a position to make a properly informed decision but I ultimately agreed.



Fast forward two years and the local paper reported on his plea hearing. Since then, we've been subject to relentless online and in person harassment, death threats, disclosure of our home address, emails to his employer, people showing up at his former work place looking for him. It became so frightening that we've had to leave home and have spent thousands on hotels and airbnbs.

The response from the police has been appalling. I've been told they "don't really get involved in Facebook", questioned about whether I'm actually scared, and advised to just go home and save the money. This is by the same police force who spent an hour reassuredly convincing me to take him in in the first place.

He received a suspended sentence on Thursday. I wish I could say we are relieved but we both feel life would be easier if he was just sent to prison and "did his time" so to speak. Local paper has posted again. Someone who was in the court room disclosed my full name in the comments and effectively said I was responsible for his sentence being suspended due to my 'glowing' reference. My reference was not read aloud in the courts.

Facebook reporting systems don't work. The local paper is completely disinterested in moderating any comments which identify innocent third parties and the police simply do not care.

I just cannot understand why there is so little protection and recognition of the harm inflicted on innocent third parties. My nervous system is shot and I'm exhausted from living in fear, constantly having to explain why I'm frightened, why this matters, and that I deserve support too. The exception is of course LFF which has been a life line.

I hope that when (if) I regain strength, I can channel some of this experience into pushing for change through my MP so that no other innocent people have to go through what we have.

If you got this far, thank you for reading. Sending love and strength to you all ??