Am I being unreasonable?
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Background
My ex was arrested for images of children as young as my under 1 year old and has been deemed real threat to all children. My ex father in law has known all of this since the day of the knock but has under plyed what he did from day 1. I understand this may be a coping mechanism but it cases a dilema for me.
Ontop of that he decided not to tell my exs brothers what he had done even though 1 of them has a young child. My ex father in law has his grandson reguarly and i have found out from my sister i law that he was taking him to visit my ex while he was on bail (my sister in law and brother in law didnt know my ex was on bail or that he had been arrested for child images). This means that as well as under playing his actions my ex father in law was putting his grandson in danger by doing that.
I spoke to social services about my exs family seeing my daughter and was advised that it should not happen in any of their family homes and that my ex father in law would not be deemed as a suitable supervisor for contact between my ex and daughter due to his actions with his grandson and not telling his other sons.
When ny exs brothers did find out my sister in law contacted me to ask questions. I assumed that at this point they were aware of everything so told them few minor details (about catergories and the arrangements for contact, bail and the rape exams my daughter had to under go) they knew nothing of this so confronted my ex father in law for putting their son intk a situation they were unaware of and his response was that i was lying to them making up facts i didnt know to make it seem worse.
Dispite this i have continued to let him see my daughter under supervision of my mother. Now though he wants to be allowed to take her out for the day. Am i being the unreasonable one by not wanting to let him. My ex is currently in prison so cant see my daughter but i feel that letting his dad have her unsupervised is a danger to her because of his previous actions.
I feel like im coming across as a bitch stopping her from having time with that side of her family but im just trying to do what is best for her. Im conflicted as i know theyll play me out to be the bad guy again
My ex was arrested for images of children as young as my under 1 year old and has been deemed real threat to all children. My ex father in law has known all of this since the day of the knock but has under plyed what he did from day 1. I understand this may be a coping mechanism but it cases a dilema for me.
Ontop of that he decided not to tell my exs brothers what he had done even though 1 of them has a young child. My ex father in law has his grandson reguarly and i have found out from my sister i law that he was taking him to visit my ex while he was on bail (my sister in law and brother in law didnt know my ex was on bail or that he had been arrested for child images). This means that as well as under playing his actions my ex father in law was putting his grandson in danger by doing that.
I spoke to social services about my exs family seeing my daughter and was advised that it should not happen in any of their family homes and that my ex father in law would not be deemed as a suitable supervisor for contact between my ex and daughter due to his actions with his grandson and not telling his other sons.
When ny exs brothers did find out my sister in law contacted me to ask questions. I assumed that at this point they were aware of everything so told them few minor details (about catergories and the arrangements for contact, bail and the rape exams my daughter had to under go) they knew nothing of this so confronted my ex father in law for putting their son intk a situation they were unaware of and his response was that i was lying to them making up facts i didnt know to make it seem worse.
Dispite this i have continued to let him see my daughter under supervision of my mother. Now though he wants to be allowed to take her out for the day. Am i being the unreasonable one by not wanting to let him. My ex is currently in prison so cant see my daughter but i feel that letting his dad have her unsupervised is a danger to her because of his previous actions.
I feel like im coming across as a bitch stopping her from having time with that side of her family but im just trying to do what is best for her. Im conflicted as i know theyll play me out to be the bad guy again
I dont think you are being unreasonable. Shes very young so you must do what you think is right. Im sure its a highly stressful and upsetting situation for the whole family and people will deal with it in different ways. If your ex father in law is down playing what his son did then i can understand how you feel. I wouldnt worry about being the bad guy, maybe if you have another relative who gets on well with you both, you could get them to explain and say maybe in time as your daughter gets older the arrangements might change but while she is so young and in the circumstances visiting with someone else is best.
Thank you for replying maria I dont like the idea of leaving hyypgltýer with someone who doesnt appreciate the danger cor her especially as she is so young. I think your right when shes ild enough to understand and talk about decisions maybe then. But until then i think it his family does need supervision
*leaving her (my lovely 19 month old is refusing to sleep and hitting all the keys on the keyboard)
Thank you Poster.
Were not under social services anymore theyve closed my daughters case which is why these decisions are so much harder as its completely my decision now. I know that I would be worrief the entire time she was with him. Plus he never had her before the knock came
I hate having to deal with his family as weve never been on good terms at any point of my relationship with my ex and now i have to try to work with them
Were not under social services anymore theyve closed my daughters case which is why these decisions are so much harder as its completely my decision now. I know that I would be worrief the entire time she was with him. Plus he never had her before the knock came
I hate having to deal with his family as weve never been on good terms at any point of my relationship with my ex and now i have to try to work with them
Poster. Mine look down on me for the oposite reason. I have 2 degrees, a professional well thought of job, own my own house and pay for holidays abroad. Theyve hated the fact that this led to me being independent and not needing to rely on my ex. The fact that I was the bread winner of the family never sat well with them.
I think it is a real narrow path that we walk down when it comes to who our children see. Im dreading the point when my ex comes out of prison and his family realise that he and them wont be getting open access. Im still deciding if my ex gets to see her at all and if he does how hell react when i tell him itll be in a contact centre where he has to pay £40 a time to see her.
I think it is a real narrow path that we walk down when it comes to who our children see. Im dreading the point when my ex comes out of prison and his family realise that he and them wont be getting open access. Im still deciding if my ex gets to see her at all and if he does how hell react when i tell him itll be in a contact centre where he has to pay £40 a time to see her.
None of us are stupid women. What ive learnt is these men are charming and they show you the parts of them they want you to see and not everything. Which is scary as it just goes to show that you never know what anybody is capable of.
As for him seeing her Im planning on enjoying christmas with my daughter now that shes old enough to semi understand (she met santas reindeer today and apparently loves Rudolf) and i will make a decision in the new year
As for him seeing her Im planning on enjoying christmas with my daughter now that shes old enough to semi understand (she met santas reindeer today and apparently loves Rudolf) and i will make a decision in the new year