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My partner of 44 years has been found guilty of viewing/sharing indecent images of children. He's had mental health issues and attempted suicide. I am staying with him. It's almost 3 years since the knock and he's getting sentenced soon. Solicitor is hoping for a suspended sentence. He's already been put on the register and is likely to get a SHPO to monitor his computer.
My question is, to anyone who has lived with a partner post conviction. Do you ever get to the point where you can forgive and forget? I believe I'm a compassionate person and I believe in giving everyone a second chance. But sometimes things suddenly ltake me back to the first time I understood what he'd done and how horrified I was. I think of the children and get so sad. I understand what triggering is now, certain things just get to me. Does it get better and can you live with someone who's done this without constantly thinking about what they've done?
My question is, to anyone who has lived with a partner post conviction. Do you ever get to the point where you can forgive and forget? I believe I'm a compassionate person and I believe in giving everyone a second chance. But sometimes things suddenly ltake me back to the first time I understood what he'd done and how horrified I was. I think of the children and get so sad. I understand what triggering is now, certain things just get to me. Does it get better and can you live with someone who's done this without constantly thinking about what they've done?
Hi Ann P
What a horrible place we all find ourselves in, someone has just posted a similar question under the 'Family & children' section and I've just posted a reply, I think if you read my reply it may help you?
I wish you all the best x
What a horrible place we all find ourselves in, someone has just posted a similar question under the 'Family & children' section and I've just posted a reply, I think if you read my reply it may help you?
I wish you all the best x
I live with my partner post conviction. His restrictions we work around and live a 'new normal' life. We work as a team to ensure he meets the police requirements (like remaining each other when he needs to go to the station for updates).
The only things that 'get in the way' is that he needs to see his probation officer once a week (will be reduced to once every other week soon) and on Sunday he has community service. But due to the virus his community service is postponed with about 50 hours left to do. The community service is a burden since we can't plan to do anything on Sunday such as a holiday or day trips.
I personally never told my family about the conviction and that is stressful and it is hard to dodge topics such as why he doesn't see his kids. I try to not dwell on his actions and I still ask questions. I do worry that I'm living in denial in the sense I'm not prepared for when my family and friends find out. I'm not sure I can hide it forever.
I would say if it gets too much you can ask for some space from your husband but try to be involved with probation. The police contact is very cold and I do t get on with her but they are not there to be friendly.
Sending hugs
The only things that 'get in the way' is that he needs to see his probation officer once a week (will be reduced to once every other week soon) and on Sunday he has community service. But due to the virus his community service is postponed with about 50 hours left to do. The community service is a burden since we can't plan to do anything on Sunday such as a holiday or day trips.
I personally never told my family about the conviction and that is stressful and it is hard to dodge topics such as why he doesn't see his kids. I try to not dwell on his actions and I still ask questions. I do worry that I'm living in denial in the sense I'm not prepared for when my family and friends find out. I'm not sure I can hide it forever.
I would say if it gets too much you can ask for some space from your husband but try to be involved with probation. The police contact is very cold and I do t get on with her but they are not there to be friendly.
Sending hugs
Bellarose and majestictopaz thank you those replies do help a bit. I think I can probably deal with the practical side of things, his police liaison officer for the register has, so far, actually been supportive, I met him at our home and he seemed friendly enough. His pre sentence report meeting with probation is tomorrow but has to be over the phone because of the virus so I hope that goes well. I'm just praying the sentencing goes ahead, we've been waiting so long I don't think I could bear another delay.
It's the emotional side of it that's getting to me, the feeling that I'll never really forget about it and it will colour our relationship forever. Perhaps that's just how it will be.
It's the emotional side of it that's getting to me, the feeling that I'll never really forget about it and it will colour our relationship forever. Perhaps that's just how it will be.
Well I suppose it was inevitable his sentencing has been delayed because of the virus. Won't happen now till mid May. That makes it over 3 years since the knock. Can't bear that this has happened.
I stayed with my husband. He was arrested in 2015. Due to restrictions from social work we only just managed to live together last year. I forgave him but it doesnt really go away. There are days where it's like you just suddenly remember. So in a way you dont forget, much like a scar. It heals but it leaves its mark on you. You still feel the pain when you look at it only over time the pain is almost forgotten x