Social worker wants me to leave my partner
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Hi everyone. I'm wondering if anyone can offer some advice /their own experiences on this matter.
My partner was arrested and bailed in August and social services have been involved since then as I have a toddler and now also a new baby. Every visit from the social worker involves being questioning on being in a relationship with my partner still, and whether, why I am still in a relationship, and if I am going to leave him. She has spoken to my mum, and has said along the lines of they won't force me to split with him, they would like me to come to that decision on my own instead.
I don't know if there is a future for me and my partner or not - I'm trying to work through everything. However, I feel more and more like I don't have a choice anyway. My children are currently on a child in need plan, but now I have been told we need a child protecting conference to see if we meet the criteria for that. I feel as though for reason for this is entirely because I am still in a relationship with my partner.
I feel like unless I leave my partner, social services will keep on at me, questioning me and my ability to protect my children. I might very well leave my partner, but there's that chance I may not - if I had the choice. Are social services allowed to do this? Make it so I don't have a choice? Will they be in my life 1 - 2 times a month until the children are 18? Am I at risk of losing my kids if I don't leave my partner?
My partner was arrested and bailed in August and social services have been involved since then as I have a toddler and now also a new baby. Every visit from the social worker involves being questioning on being in a relationship with my partner still, and whether, why I am still in a relationship, and if I am going to leave him. She has spoken to my mum, and has said along the lines of they won't force me to split with him, they would like me to come to that decision on my own instead.
I don't know if there is a future for me and my partner or not - I'm trying to work through everything. However, I feel more and more like I don't have a choice anyway. My children are currently on a child in need plan, but now I have been told we need a child protecting conference to see if we meet the criteria for that. I feel as though for reason for this is entirely because I am still in a relationship with my partner.
I feel like unless I leave my partner, social services will keep on at me, questioning me and my ability to protect my children. I might very well leave my partner, but there's that chance I may not - if I had the choice. Are social services allowed to do this? Make it so I don't have a choice? Will they be in my life 1 - 2 times a month until the children are 18? Am I at risk of losing my kids if I don't leave my partner?
Hello pat32.
You say you're going to a conference to see if you meet the child in need criteria - this may well mean that if you prove you're a protective parent they may sign you off all together.
My husband was arrested in August and we've also had SS involvement for our children. I was recently signed off as a protective factor and SS have now closed our case. I am still currently with my husband however, like you, I don't know if this is my final decision at this moment in time. I was always honest with SS and made it clear that based on recent events I awknowldge their concerns however I always insisted that any decisions which affect me and my family were best if they were made by me and me alone. They seemed to appreciate my honesty and soon backed off. Please don't feel like you have to bow down to them. Instead, awknowldge what they're saying and be willing to work with them.
I hope you manage to find a way to move forward. It's so stressful as parents to find our paths when we have police and SS etc dipping in to our lives too when we've done nothing wrong. Stay strong.
You say you're going to a conference to see if you meet the child in need criteria - this may well mean that if you prove you're a protective parent they may sign you off all together.
My husband was arrested in August and we've also had SS involvement for our children. I was recently signed off as a protective factor and SS have now closed our case. I am still currently with my husband however, like you, I don't know if this is my final decision at this moment in time. I was always honest with SS and made it clear that based on recent events I awknowldge their concerns however I always insisted that any decisions which affect me and my family were best if they were made by me and me alone. They seemed to appreciate my honesty and soon backed off. Please don't feel like you have to bow down to them. Instead, awknowldge what they're saying and be willing to work with them.
I hope you manage to find a way to move forward. It's so stressful as parents to find our paths when we have police and SS etc dipping in to our lives too when we've done nothing wrong. Stay strong.
Thank you for your reply. I don't have any hope for the case being closed any time soon. My children are currently on the child in need plan, and my social worker has said now they need to establish if we met criteria for the child protection plan, and that they need to establish if I am a protective parent - but she seems to be using my relationship as the deciding factor on that. She has suggested before that by remaining in the relationship means I am putting my partner before my children. I just feel so anxious every time she calls it texts me, especially since she never mashes appointments in advance. She always calls right before her deadline, or I contact her a few days before so I don't have to cancel plans for her visit. I have had other issues with her before too, not letting me have privacy, etc. She's likely not the worst, but I just feel like I'm being pushed and bullied when I see her.
Sorry for typos!
Thank you! I worry that even standing up for myself and complaining will go against me! Who would I actually talk to about this? I have looked into getting an advocate but I'm not sure I can now given coronavirus. I worry about posting on here in case SS read and judge even more.
Hi, thank you for your reply. The social worker said a child protection conference was needed 'because that's the only way left to go' and she said they need to assess whether I am a protective parent. She said, as she has many times, there are no concerns with my parenting. However, my relationship means I'm a risk and they are still not sure if I am considered protective. My partner has had a risk assessment completed by social services, but will need a spealised one once the police have finished investigating. The one completed by the social worker didn't really have much of an outcome. She said that he was very honest but the risk is unknown because the investigation isn't finished. He has been arrested for viewing images, admitted straight away and has (hopefully) been completely honest. I don't understand why it is being escalated to a child protection conference rather than staying on the child in need plan. The concerns are my relationship and the unknown risk. The unknown risk is being managed as he has no unsupervised access, and I'm not sure why remaining in a relationship is enough to escalate?
Hi pat32
I am sorry you are going through this. I can understand how you are feeling right now as i was there few months ago. Social workers wanted me to leave my husband.
You need to show them that you are a protective parent and kids are your priority. You can do that while sticking with your husband. Social workers can't force you to leave your husband and will work with your husband.You might already done that but if not then call helpline, They will tell you how you increase your knowledge about warning signs and create a family safety plan.
I am sorry you are going through this. I can understand how you are feeling right now as i was there few months ago. Social workers wanted me to leave my husband.
You need to show them that you are a protective parent and kids are your priority. You can do that while sticking with your husband. Social workers can't force you to leave your husband and will work with your husband.You might already done that but if not then call helpline, They will tell you how you increase your knowledge about warning signs and create a family safety plan.
Pat, I have been through this and came out of the other side. Social work DO try to seperate you. Fir them that is the best way to minimise risk, which in a way is right. No contact means no risk but that's just a checklist not taking into account the actual people in the situation. Social work are overworked with so many families, the less that stay together the more attention high risk families get.
I was told I was not a protective parent, I prioritised my relationship and was minimising the situation. It was so horrible, I was so stressed, depressed and frightened. I got an advocate who came to my meetings and supported me. She was a gem! They will tell social work if they are being unreasonable. Google advocates in your area and try get an appointment, this is a tough time with social distancing but there will be someone to help.
When we got a new social worker it was all different, she treated us with respect and supported us through everything. She eventually signed us off from social work after 4 years. We are now 5 years on from his arrest. I live with him and our 2 children, there are no restrictions except those of the register.
You do what is best for you and your family. If you need anything please feel free to ask. X
I was told I was not a protective parent, I prioritised my relationship and was minimising the situation. It was so horrible, I was so stressed, depressed and frightened. I got an advocate who came to my meetings and supported me. She was a gem! They will tell social work if they are being unreasonable. Google advocates in your area and try get an appointment, this is a tough time with social distancing but there will be someone to help.
When we got a new social worker it was all different, she treated us with respect and supported us through everything. She eventually signed us off from social work after 4 years. We are now 5 years on from his arrest. I live with him and our 2 children, there are no restrictions except those of the register.
You do what is best for you and your family. If you need anything please feel free to ask. X
Thank you for the replies everyone. I will see about contacting the family rights group and then build up the courage to talk to my social worker! I'll also look into advocates again - see if there's any help u can get still with the social distancing. I'm definitely doing as the social worker expects, except for the relationship
So I just got a safety plan from the social worker. It says that due to me remaining in a relationship with my partner they are escalating to a child protection conference to see if we need to be on a child protection plan rather than child in need. So the entire reason actually is because I am still in a relationship with him... They are actually allowed to do this then?
Unfortunately yes they are. We were on a child protection plan for 3 years and 7months. After sentencing and risk assessments it was lowered to child in need. Then the case was closed 9 months later.
It's a case of having to prove you are a protective parent, that your children are more important than your relationship. Once sentencing is over seek relationship counselling. Do not do this until then as anything that is said can be used in court . Counselling will help you both and show social work you are working on the relationship. Enquire about the inform program with LF. Show them you are educating yourself and protecting your children. It's a long road sadly but it can be done x
It's a case of having to prove you are a protective parent, that your children are more important than your relationship. Once sentencing is over seek relationship counselling. Do not do this until then as anything that is said can be used in court . Counselling will help you both and show social work you are working on the relationship. Enquire about the inform program with LF. Show them you are educating yourself and protecting your children. It's a long road sadly but it can be done x