Family and Friends Forum

Obviously everyone in the nation/ world is in a state of uncertainty currently but just wondered if anyone else was feeling lonelier than normal. Don't get me wrong I already felt alone and not understood prior to covid but amazingly covid has made me feel even more alone. I guess I'm a little hurt that even with a pandemic and people having more time on their hands I'm hurt that even now they can't just reach out to me to send a kind message to say hope your okay. It amazes me people can't put their feelings aside when something like this is happening in the world. It sucks for me as having more time on my own means I have my negative thoughts to listen to more, which I do try to push to the side but I'm only human so they do make their appearance... I just can't help but feel so unloved by my friends and family who say they love me yet can't even reach out to me. I spend hours worrying about them, how they must feel, what I can do to repair relationships etc which eventually results in me reaching out either to then be ignored or responded to but still not meeting my needs. Unfortunately for me I then get angry and resentful because I think why is it always me reaching out first or then send angry messages about not being understood (which I try to keep polite because again I feel guilt thinking oh no you shouldn't be angry at these people it's not their fault they aren't in a place to support you right now) it's an area I'm trying to work on. But then sometimes I think actually no how am I being unfair, I'm just asking for simple human connection, empathy, compassion and support from the people in the world I'm susposed to feel loved, safe and secure with. I'm just fed up of everything being turned around on me when I'm trying to deal with the situation we are in, pandemic and still muster up the energy to try and salvage relationships despite my feelings and broken heart. I've being told I'm being passive agressive, I'm not respecting other people's feelings, I need to just back off etc. It's like no matter what I do I can't do anything right by anyone. If I do back if I'm then told I'm ignoring people and not reaching out, or I haven't told people how I feel. It's just a exhausting tiring emotional never ending battle and to be fair I'm so close from walking away from everyone in my life who is treating me like this but then I go straight back to that wonderful room of guilt where I then feel it would be my fault if I give up on the relationship, I need to be more understanding cause people deal with things differently, people need different amounts of time etc. I guess I'm just tired of having a filter and trying to protect other people's feelings when sometimes I don't think that's reciprocated. Heck only a week ago I got told by someone I love that they have thoughts of my husband contracting covid and dying because they feel it would improve the situation. I know it was said out of anger and everyone is entitled to their opinion but it doesn't take away the pain it caused me to hear that, especially cause me as a individual would never say that and again me as a individual feel it is wrong to say that about anyone, despite their feelings. Well hey ho I know an area I need to work on is to stop worrying about people and situations I can't control. I'm sure all these people do love me, just doesn't stop the pain. Sorry for the pitiful ramble, hopefully it benefits someone! Stay safe everyone!