Devastated doesn’t even come close....
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Hello,
Ten days ago we were woken up by police knocking on our door at 6am. From that moment our lives have been turned upside down.
My husband of 20 years and father to our young children was arrested for viewing indecent images. I'm utterly devastated. He was interviewed (advised by a solicitor on the phone to say no comment) and then put in a hotel/hostel as there was no where else for him to go during lockdown. This has cost us £600 (money we just don't have). The police have his phone and computer. I guess we will no more once this has been examined.
Last weekend (Easter) was utterly traumatic. I was lying to my children about where their daddy was and spent all weekend crying in secret. Both of the children have an amazing relationship with him and love him dearly.
I had a visit from a social worker earlier in the week and she spoke to the children. She seemed entirely satisfied with what they said. I believe she will visit again soon.
This week his bail conditions have changed so that he can come and spend the daytime at the house helping me out (I'm trying to work from home too) He's not allowed to stay overnight or be with the children on his own. Hence I'm trapped in the house as I can't go out. He has a few days left staying at the hotel and he's said he will then sleep in the car overnight as there are just no other options for accommodation. There are very few places available in our area and what is available is far too expensive. Staying with friends isn't an option as most have children and those that don't are front line workers.
I've got such mixed emotions. I'm worried about his mental health (he has a history of depression) and I honestly thought he would kill up himself last week. He has told me he has no idea why he looked at the images. He was feeling anxious and extremely stressed at work and just can't explain it any further. I want and need the help at home but I'm so angry that we are now in this shitty situation. It would have been so much easier to never see him again if the children weren't here but I just can't punish them by not letting them see him.
I'm really scared for the future - particularly the ramifications from any trial. He will also lose his job if this goes further which comes with it further worries about finances.
All in all it's pretty awful. I feel like just shutting myself away from it all but instead I'm trying to put on a brave face for the children as life is pretty rubbish for them anyway in lockdown...
Would appreciate any words of advice that you lovely lot might have.
Thanks for reading.
Ten days ago we were woken up by police knocking on our door at 6am. From that moment our lives have been turned upside down.
My husband of 20 years and father to our young children was arrested for viewing indecent images. I'm utterly devastated. He was interviewed (advised by a solicitor on the phone to say no comment) and then put in a hotel/hostel as there was no where else for him to go during lockdown. This has cost us £600 (money we just don't have). The police have his phone and computer. I guess we will no more once this has been examined.
Last weekend (Easter) was utterly traumatic. I was lying to my children about where their daddy was and spent all weekend crying in secret. Both of the children have an amazing relationship with him and love him dearly.
I had a visit from a social worker earlier in the week and she spoke to the children. She seemed entirely satisfied with what they said. I believe she will visit again soon.
This week his bail conditions have changed so that he can come and spend the daytime at the house helping me out (I'm trying to work from home too) He's not allowed to stay overnight or be with the children on his own. Hence I'm trapped in the house as I can't go out. He has a few days left staying at the hotel and he's said he will then sleep in the car overnight as there are just no other options for accommodation. There are very few places available in our area and what is available is far too expensive. Staying with friends isn't an option as most have children and those that don't are front line workers.
I've got such mixed emotions. I'm worried about his mental health (he has a history of depression) and I honestly thought he would kill up himself last week. He has told me he has no idea why he looked at the images. He was feeling anxious and extremely stressed at work and just can't explain it any further. I want and need the help at home but I'm so angry that we are now in this shitty situation. It would have been so much easier to never see him again if the children weren't here but I just can't punish them by not letting them see him.
I'm really scared for the future - particularly the ramifications from any trial. He will also lose his job if this goes further which comes with it further worries about finances.
All in all it's pretty awful. I feel like just shutting myself away from it all but instead I'm trying to put on a brave face for the children as life is pretty rubbish for them anyway in lockdown...
Would appreciate any words of advice that you lovely lot might have.
Thanks for reading.
Thank you for your reply Lost. Really appreciate it. It does sound like we are in a similar situation. Weirdly though it doesn't seem like anything is on hold open our case because of lockdown. He was still interviewed and SS have still visited.
Is your husband still away overnight? If only we could find a caravan park that is open. We are so stuck for affordable accommodation. Even Airbnb is shut for bookings. He's determined to sleep in the car but I'm really worrried what this will do for his mental health (I guess it's free though!)
Is your husband still away overnight? If only we could find a caravan park that is open. We are so stuck for affordable accommodation. Even Airbnb is shut for bookings. He's determined to sleep in the car but I'm really worrried what this will do for his mental health (I guess it's free though!)
Hi BelleBee
I'm so sorry for you finding yourself here. Totally not your fault and totally unfair. Its really hard to do, but early on I was advised to take one day at a time and not look too far ahead worrying. Much easier said than done, but try. It's generally a long process so nothing will happen tomorrow or the next day. Be kind to yourself and breathe. Call the helpline they are brilliant. Unless no charges are bought, your life will change but you will survive.
I wish so much that the men, and it is mostly men, who do this could know what havoc and sadness and hurt creates. I wish I could be a bit more positive but just hang on in there. X
I'm so sorry for you finding yourself here. Totally not your fault and totally unfair. Its really hard to do, but early on I was advised to take one day at a time and not look too far ahead worrying. Much easier said than done, but try. It's generally a long process so nothing will happen tomorrow or the next day. Be kind to yourself and breathe. Call the helpline they are brilliant. Unless no charges are bought, your life will change but you will survive.
I wish so much that the men, and it is mostly men, who do this could know what havoc and sadness and hurt creates. I wish I could be a bit more positive but just hang on in there. X
Thank you Lost and Ann for your replies.
lost - no we haven't told SS that he is planning to sleep in the car yet as he has two more nights left at the hotel. We have thought about buying a van or caravan but we don't have a driveway. I don't think I sleeping in the car will work long term at all. Next time I speak to the social worker I will mention this to her. I'm feeling trapped in that I can't go out anywhere and leave my kids at home or with him. He gets to pop out (walk dog etc and go to shops) but I can't have any time alone. I have no idea how we will manage in the school holidays once back to 'normally' as we usually share childcare. I also have to work away sometimes and no idea how that will work either.
Ann - your advice to take one day at a time is a good one. I'm still so angry and tearful that he has put us in this situation.
x
lost - no we haven't told SS that he is planning to sleep in the car yet as he has two more nights left at the hotel. We have thought about buying a van or caravan but we don't have a driveway. I don't think I sleeping in the car will work long term at all. Next time I speak to the social worker I will mention this to her. I'm feeling trapped in that I can't go out anywhere and leave my kids at home or with him. He gets to pop out (walk dog etc and go to shops) but I can't have any time alone. I have no idea how we will manage in the school holidays once back to 'normally' as we usually share childcare. I also have to work away sometimes and no idea how that will work either.
Ann - your advice to take one day at a time is a good one. I'm still so angry and tearful that he has put us in this situation.
x