Any mums out there whose child been arrested?
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I'm so devastated to be actually using this forum, but feel totally lost, shocked, isolated and broken, my 28 year old son was arrested this week for downloading images of children. My heart is literally broken. I can not believe he has done this, he has always been a boy who is quiet and kept himself to himself, with a few close friends. He lives with me with his girlfriend and I just can't process it all, his girlfriend is about to move out, I'm watching him day and night as he is constantly crying, not eating or sleeping, and I'm so so worried about him and his future now. Every emotion is going on through my mind, and I can see no silver lining. Any other mums out there with words of advice please,
Hi Luxy sorry you have joined the club no one wants to join. I am only 6 weeks i. Myself and its my hb so a little different but read through the old posts i foubd this so useful as there is always someone in a similer position. The first thing i was told when i came on here is take it one day at a time.This seems to be a long process so
br nothing is going to happen straight away.All of you phone the LF help line they are great and will listen and help. There are also modules and courss you and your son can go on tnrough LF and stop it now web site. Has your son taken responsability for his actions this will help him throught this.And
Keep coming on here the ladies are great and no one judges, only support.
Hugs
br nothing is going to happen straight away.All of you phone the LF help line they are great and will listen and help. There are also modules and courss you and your son can go on tnrough LF and stop it now web site. Has your son taken responsability for his actions this will help him throught this.And
Keep coming on here the ladies are great and no one judges, only support.
Hugs
Thank you so much for your reply. I can't stop crying today at the life he has wasted, without everyone knowing and what that will bring. It's so so difficult as I can't talk to anyone about it . Yes he is in bits , so ashamed and regretful as he says he just couldn't stop himself. He is seeking help on here and has spoken to LF as have I. Just wanted to chat to someone who understands this crazy life we are now thrown into when I seemed to have it all before this. Sending love to you too x
It is so hard , the first weeks are a mess but you do start to function and you will start to calm down. Although i find now i habe a few good days and like today eat crap watch crap. The change in my hb since the knock has been amazing really. He has been nothing but honest and we talk and talk. My hb has got a bad porn addiction and is working so very hard to confront and beat his demons . You will be ok , you will get through because your strong. Xx Hugsxx
I'm so sorry Lucy. I second everything Totayheartbroken has said. The one thing we all have in common here is that theses arrests come as a total shock. Never being aware of this being a possibility. But there are lots and lots of, mostly men, who find themselves arrested. Most appear to have a porn addiction. Some of these addictions can be caused by stress/anxiety etc. I'm who knew. I wish I had known. Instead we find ourselves suffering and out of control. There are quite a few mums on here. I am a wife, and through therapy, for both of us, funded sadly by us, we are finding out some answers. I've read and researched, to try and understand. The more I find out the more I am anxious for society. Porn addiction and easy access to it is taking these people to these dark places.
This is a long road. Someone said to me to look after me first, and him second. In order to have the strength to support. Your son needs support and not judgement. And society needs to be more open about this subject, so we all ALL aware of the dangers of the internet and porn industry. Take care and come back here. It's quiet at the moment. I hope that's a good thing. I found great strength for the other ladies and men on here. You are not alone.Xxx
This is a long road. Someone said to me to look after me first, and him second. In order to have the strength to support. Your son needs support and not judgement. And society needs to be more open about this subject, so we all ALL aware of the dangers of the internet and porn industry. Take care and come back here. It's quiet at the moment. I hope that's a good thing. I found great strength for the other ladies and men on here. You are not alone.Xxx
Tabs thank you so much too for relying. I feel in edge looking after my son, am barely sleeping in case he harms himself. His girlfriend is moving out tomorrow and goodness where that will lead. I'm totally broken and at the moment can see no way out. He has lost the girl he was going to marry, who works with him, which means he will lose his job. When it comes out I wonder if I will be able to work. I feel like selling up, wrapping him in cotton wool and running away. My parents are in their late 80 s. I have to FaceTime them and act normal. I can't imagine what impact this will have. It's awful but I hope they pass before it comes out. When the police knocked I thought it was one of them. As awful as that sounds, I now wish it was .
I understand how you feel. My husband of over 30 years was caught by vigilantes. My world was blown apart when the police came to tell me he was arrested and to take all electronics. I thought they came to tell me he's been killed in a car crash. I wished he was. I felt like he had been killed, the man I knew and had lives for nearly 40 years......we are 8 months in now. He had to leave home m and he lost his job. We now have to pay for 2 homes, using up our savings for our old age. We were not blessed with children, so we were each other's world. Or so I thought. I now know he was addicted to on-line chat, and I believe he was groomed as he was very vulnerable, unbeknown to me, suffering from depression.
I had a lovely comfortable life until this hit me. It's tough. But you will get through it. I am getting stronger by the day. But it has taken me ages to get to this place. Don't be hard on yourself, get your emotions out. Don't be ashamed to cry and grieve. We are all here for you. There are some amazing and strong people on here. Read the stories. We all share the total shock and deep sadness. We get you. xxx
I had a lovely comfortable life until this hit me. It's tough. But you will get through it. I am getting stronger by the day. But it has taken me ages to get to this place. Don't be hard on yourself, get your emotions out. Don't be ashamed to cry and grieve. We are all here for you. There are some amazing and strong people on here. Read the stories. We all share the total shock and deep sadness. We get you. xxx
Hi Luxy
I'm a mum too, we had the knock 4 years ago , and I felt all the emotions your feeling and more for a long time, I got myself a councillor and she really helped me , we hav such hopes for our sons , and I was so shocked and gutted , but I know you or he wont be feeling calmer and optimistic for quite a while yet as its gonna probably be a long ride , even in nine Corona time my sons case took a year and a half to get to court stage, but now he has actually got a new life and career and is doing well , please assure him that they do try to help these young men , my heart and thought and strength I give to you
I'm a mum too, we had the knock 4 years ago , and I felt all the emotions your feeling and more for a long time, I got myself a councillor and she really helped me , we hav such hopes for our sons , and I was so shocked and gutted , but I know you or he wont be feeling calmer and optimistic for quite a while yet as its gonna probably be a long ride , even in nine Corona time my sons case took a year and a half to get to court stage, but now he has actually got a new life and career and is doing well , please assure him that they do try to help these young men , my heart and thought and strength I give to you
Thank you so much everyone for your kindness and support. I wonder how I will survive each hour, each day with the guilt and shame I feel but coming on here as made me feel better, talking to people who truly understand. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you, and I wish you love and blessings in the years to come. Please keep posting it helps so much
You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of. I have only recently come to terms with that myself. There is nothing you could have done. You are not responsible. Have a look at this https://fightthenewdrug.org/
it explained so much for me. Therapy also helped me understand that I was not responsible. It's not easy. But I realise now I am much stronger than I ever thought. I've faced up to the public humiliation. I am still me, and I am proud to be. You will be too. Give yourself permission to cry, let those emotions out, I believe it's healthier than trying to hold it in. Have you got anyone you can talk to, friends, family? Some people are amazingly supportive. X
it explained so much for me. Therapy also helped me understand that I was not responsible. It's not easy. But I realise now I am much stronger than I ever thought. I've faced up to the public humiliation. I am still me, and I am proud to be. You will be too. Give yourself permission to cry, let those emotions out, I believe it's healthier than trying to hold it in. Have you got anyone you can talk to, friends, family? Some people are amazingly supportive. X
Hi Luxy
I had the knock on the 13th of feb the day before my son's 30th birthday, the first thing i did was to take him to the doctors as he too has always been a quiet person and kept himself to himself. He was in a terrible state constantly crying, he is on the mental health criris team now and on anti-depressants which i know take 4 to 6 weeks to work but have been a god send (myself and my partner are on them too)
we had the same reaction as you, i started sorting through things and throwing stuff away so that we could move away as soon as possible, but that's just the panic that sets in, like everyone has told you you have to take one day at a time as it's going tobe a long process xx
I had the knock on the 13th of feb the day before my son's 30th birthday, the first thing i did was to take him to the doctors as he too has always been a quiet person and kept himself to himself. He was in a terrible state constantly crying, he is on the mental health criris team now and on anti-depressants which i know take 4 to 6 weeks to work but have been a god send (myself and my partner are on them too)
we had the same reaction as you, i started sorting through things and throwing stuff away so that we could move away as soon as possible, but that's just the panic that sets in, like everyone has told you you have to take one day at a time as it's going tobe a long process xx
Thank you Jake, my son is a similar age, and had a well paid job in the University. It seemed a perfect job and his girlfriend was so like him, now it's all gone. I'm heartened by the post, of what happens later, I appreciate the time this take and emotions I need to go through, I don't have a partner and am frightened to talk to friends or family, due to them spreading the word. At the moment only 5 people know and the police. I feel so alone. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply I'm so glad I found this forum
Hi I'm two and half years in new to the forum,we have a newton hearing next week my son of 34 has been convicted and is now on the sex offender list.i don't really understand what the hearing is all about he will be sentenced i know that much reading the posts I'm so glad im not alone in how I feel.
I keep looking at my son and thinking its all a mistake he wouldn't of done this not my kind and generous boy over 2000 images so hart broken is it something i did wrong when he was growing up. Im so lost i cant talk to my family they all know but i don't want to burden them with it all its hard enough to get my head around it all. My son has lost everything and I have lost the son i thought I knew
I keep looking at my son and thinking its all a mistake he wouldn't of done this not my kind and generous boy over 2000 images so hart broken is it something i did wrong when he was growing up. Im so lost i cant talk to my family they all know but i don't want to burden them with it all its hard enough to get my head around it all. My son has lost everything and I have lost the son i thought I knew
Hi ladies
I am a wife and not a mum. My husband was arrested back in May. I too am still in shock that my husband could do this. Yet.... I know he is still the kind, loving and amazing husband and dad to our boys he always was. He was in a very dark place and let down a very dark online rabbit hole. We have talked and talked and talked. I have questioned everything ten times over. The forum advisors are amazing... They explain how this offence is never usually about a real attraction to the age group... Its a complete desensitisation of what they are looking at online. It's like a drug user who is chasing a bigger and bigger hit as their tolerance levels go up. Addiction is selfish and lack of consequencial thinking. I do not believe any of our men go into this with their eyes open.
My husband is staying with his parents due to us having kids he cannot return home yet. I see them struggle but they still love him. Please never give up on your sons. They need you. They are still who they thought you were.. They are just very damaged and usually remorseful and need help. If they lose their family they will lose themselves. Give them something to fight for something to get better for.
Take care of yourselves. This is very tough on us all Xxxxxxx
I am a wife and not a mum. My husband was arrested back in May. I too am still in shock that my husband could do this. Yet.... I know he is still the kind, loving and amazing husband and dad to our boys he always was. He was in a very dark place and let down a very dark online rabbit hole. We have talked and talked and talked. I have questioned everything ten times over. The forum advisors are amazing... They explain how this offence is never usually about a real attraction to the age group... Its a complete desensitisation of what they are looking at online. It's like a drug user who is chasing a bigger and bigger hit as their tolerance levels go up. Addiction is selfish and lack of consequencial thinking. I do not believe any of our men go into this with their eyes open.
My husband is staying with his parents due to us having kids he cannot return home yet. I see them struggle but they still love him. Please never give up on your sons. They need you. They are still who they thought you were.. They are just very damaged and usually remorseful and need help. If they lose their family they will lose themselves. Give them something to fight for something to get better for.
Take care of yourselves. This is very tough on us all Xxxxxxx
Hi rainbowgirl
I nearly cried when I read your comments. My son commited a communication offence and we have stood by him and supported him fully. I wish with all my heart the general public could see things like you do. The general public don't see past the crime and couldn't care less whether men like my son or your husband lose themselves or not. Thank you for posting. Your comments really have given me a lift that I've needed the past few days x
I nearly cried when I read your comments. My son commited a communication offence and we have stood by him and supported him fully. I wish with all my heart the general public could see things like you do. The general public don't see past the crime and couldn't care less whether men like my son or your husband lose themselves or not. Thank you for posting. Your comments really have given me a lift that I've needed the past few days x
Awww nice nanna... Your name is very fitting. Thank you for your very kind words too. I am so pleased to hear that you've stood by your son. Our love for our children is certainly unconditional.
It's very sad that the general public won't even try to understand the reasons behind this offence. It's easier for them to label and judge. It takes a good degree of emotional intelligence to try to make sense of this.... Most people won't even bother.. Lots of my family won't even listen to anything about my husband despite him being their family for over 20 years. I am not minimising this shocking offence but I hold on to the belief that my husband has never and would never harm a child or anyone else for that matter....just like your son and many others. Even the ones that do... They need help not to be written off by society. Its up to police and probation to punish... Not the public!
Take care of you Xxxxxxx
It's very sad that the general public won't even try to understand the reasons behind this offence. It's easier for them to label and judge. It takes a good degree of emotional intelligence to try to make sense of this.... Most people won't even bother.. Lots of my family won't even listen to anything about my husband despite him being their family for over 20 years. I am not minimising this shocking offence but I hold on to the belief that my husband has never and would never harm a child or anyone else for that matter....just like your son and many others. Even the ones that do... They need help not to be written off by society. Its up to police and probation to punish... Not the public!
Take care of you Xxxxxxx
Hi rainbowgirl 80,,
I like nicenana would also like to thankyou for your kind thoughtful words, im also a mum my son is 22, who unfortunately got involved in this wen he was just starting out in his future , this happened for us 4 years ago , i will pray until my dying ???? day that all this will change for the better ,from the children that face this awful abuse in the first instance , to the abuse our familys and children face from the public due to the media , xx love and peace to you all
I like nicenana would also like to thankyou for your kind thoughtful words, im also a mum my son is 22, who unfortunately got involved in this wen he was just starting out in his future , this happened for us 4 years ago , i will pray until my dying ???? day that all this will change for the better ,from the children that face this awful abuse in the first instance , to the abuse our familys and children face from the public due to the media , xx love and peace to you all