Family and Friends Forum

Hi, I’ve been reading on here for a while but never had the guts to write my own, I feel like I carnt talk to anyone or get the help and answers I need but at least I know I’m not the only one going through this it’s honestly the worst pain but even more so frustrating because there is nothing you can u it’s totally mind blowing and out of our control. But here’s my story over 2 months ago I found some very disturbing images on my husbands phone, some were of indecent images of children from the Internet but also he had made images by putting peoples (i know) heads on naked body’s , He is now under investigation. He said he was looking for answers , was confused and lost I know he has had a bad childhood as was physically abused by his step father and was suffering from depressions and had recently lost his grandfather. He recently told me he was sexually abused at a young age and had never told anyone until now. It seems like the pictures had to be a sexual attraction to keep them and continue to do it, If it did stem from a porn addiction. Or do you hear of people doing it not for that reason but simply to get satisfaction out of collecting them knowing it rong it becomes an addiction? Or was he looking for answers making other the victim and not him and seeing why he got abused ? Will I ever know the real reasons? Maybe I am in denial and don’t want to believe it is the way it looks as I love him and we’ve been together a long time but We also have a 8 month old baby and he hasn’t saw him and expecially with lock down it has been hard I dunno what to do I’m torn. I don’t want to keep him from him but then I want the best for him. I also worry about the furture and if it gets out. My world has been turned upside down and feeling a mix of emotions contantly researching looking for answers why he would do this and ruin our life’s. thank you

Hi majestictopaz15, thank you very much for your reply. It has really helped and especially to hear your situation, do you mind me asking did you stay with your partner? and did you go to any therapy sessions together? When I confronted him he didn’t know why or what to say, I do want to believe him and understand he must have some mental disorder (variety of problems) and needs to be treated and helped but in the back of my mind I just keep thinking it must of been sexual but even worse because he’s done it to people he shouldn’t of but most of all I don’t want to believe he is sexually attracted to children. He was so good with children and so protective especially now I know he got abused I understand why he was that way. I do believe it was out of control and would of only got worse I don’t believe he would ever harm a child.



Would a therapist/councillor be able prove the reasons why and answers or is it just like a suggestions why. Carnt help but wanting to know why. I feel torn on what to do for the best. x

Hi TotallyHeartBroken , thank you so much for your reply it’s honestly so helpful to hear from others going through the same thing and it’s still Very raw for you too, I hope you can stay strong and get through this. It’s like a nightmare you just want to wake up from and go back to your normal life. You literally never think this kind of thing would ever happen to you. I want to believe my husband so bad but I feel like it’s way more the IIOC , he has not only betrayed me but he’s violated people I love in a very sick way. I first found some images (adults) he shouldn’t of had when my baby was 5 weeks old he’s now 8 month and I had gave him a second chance even tho I felt physically sick n tried to move on n brush it off. But the fact he continued to keep them and went and looked for more and couldn’t stop this addiction or get help then. I do think same as you getting the thrill from knowing how wrong it is and thinking he wouldn’t of got caught , he says I’m glad I found out, so I’m I. I think he is getting help from here and seeing a councillor, I just need someone to tell me why. And for my sons sake I’m just torn on the best thing to do for him. As much as I still love him & he was a good husband and father and would love my normal family back I don’t think it’s possible I’m never gonna get the images out of my head and my family would probably disown me and never trust him again. But I do feel like it could be more what we don’t understand that was going through there heads at the time but he was so against it I don’t understand don’t think I ever will. Take care, stay safe xx

Hi Marie.D



Omg I’m soo sorry for you too, heart goes out to you with baby on the way! We do not deserve this, I feel the same as you I don’t think I could forgive and forget & the fact of the long term consequences not being able to be a normal father and having social services involved. I do feel that being abused as well as a porn addiction must have some kind of reason why but it is totally wrong and just why do it the first place? Especially when they have got everything to loose.



Are you cutting contact all together and not letting him be a father to your baby on the way?



With my baby I’m still torn on letting him have supervised visitation or to just not let him see him at all I think I might have to wait until the court date



Thank you so much for your reply, it’s helpful to talk to others in the same situation x