Family and Friends Forum

Hi OSC

I am in a similar position to you, my husband was arrested at end of March, same thing, addicted to porn which I was not fully aware of and ended up downloading photos of children from a chat group. He says he has no interest in children at all, and I have never had any concerns in this area. I am not in counselling yet but I am sure I will be at some point. He is working through a porn advice book recommended by the helpline and he is doing the self help modules online.

My advice is take each day as it comes, decide on your actions based on what you know of him and what the police find and their actions.

Take care

Your counsellor is wrong. This does not 100% lead to offending, in fact those who have committed a sexual offence are less likely to reoffend in the future. Is your counsellor trained in cases like yours? There are reccomended counselling services, Stop It Now helped me find someone in my area who knew a lot around sexual health.

There are contact offenders repulsed by those who possess iioc much like those with iioc are disturbed by contact offenders. For some it is a porn addiction that has numbed them into being immune to illegal images. It can be very confusing how someone can do this, how does someone end up in this position after being the perfect son, husband, father and friend? There will always be questions and concerns but sometimes good people make bad decisions. There is support out there for you. X

Hi OSR

When my partner first told me about his offending I looked up peer reviewed papers on the issue. There are different types of offenders and not all two may be the same. In fact from memory majority do not go on to contact offences and/or don't have the urge to. It is hard to understand why people find and want to view these things. My partner was viewing on and off for ten years and it got worse with stress. He also lost a sense of empathy, he went into a fantasy/ delusion that what he was viewing wasn't real or as bad as it seemed. He had rehabilitation to help him snap back into reality and reflect on his actions and the harm he caused through being part of the demand for such horrible content. I do not think all therapist are trained up in these issues as much as others. I would recommend chatting to someone from Lucy faithful who can discuss it better.

Thank you ladies this has been very interesting to read your thoughts on this horrible situation we find ourselves in and it validates everything I have read about myself.

Stay strong ladies xx

Hi sorry to jump in on this post as I know I dont post on here think its because I'm.3 years down the line. I am amazed that your counsellor has made the judgement that they have its mu understanding that a counsellor is there to listen have empathy not to tell you there views.They also have boundaries which the counsellor has clearly overstepped by telling you what they think maybe requesting someone else may be more helpful xx

Hi all,

This crime has one of the lowest reaffending rates. Its hard to undetsyand why look at these IIOCs and not find a child sexy, my hb has said that it was the chase not the imadge he liked and as he has been looking at porn since he was a child he need a bigger hit . Lime Sallyblue he says the knock was like a big wake up call and now he is reading The porn trap at the moment , been to the GP, and having support from LF so going in the right direction. And i must say it is his actions since his arrest that has kept us together. Itsharx and still raw at times but i am getting better and stronger everyday . Hugs xxxc

Lee 1969 you are bang on the counsellor has crossed the boundaries of the client/counsellor relationship. I would seriously consider making a complaint and ask to see someone else.The counsellor is there for you not to question what your partner has done I find this person very unprofessional at a time when you need understanding which is what a counsellor is there for x

Hi

I think you need to not go back to this councillor, they have crossed a line and do not know what they are doing. To start the evidence makes it clear that men who look at IICOs very realy go on to commite contact crimes and she should not be asking leading questions, I am concerned more damage is being done than good. I would inform her that you are goung to make a complaint as she has broken professional conduct. Ask LF or Stop it now thet will point you in the right direction. As for knowing it all i had to but i also don't ask as a wife but as a best friend and also file things away to deal with later. Its hard and at time disgusting but my hb has been honest , i have permission to see everything and have cressed checked stuff because trust has been broken at times its frustrating as ye cannot answer but its frustrating for him as well. The police have answered questions also. After this fuckstorm is over then i will go back and start again and process through councilling . hugs