Family and Friends Forum

6 months ago the police knocked my door and told me my dad had been viewing indecent images online. I was shocked but weirdly not surprised, I cant explain why. Obviously they told me that ss would be notified and both my daughters schools. It was devastating. Because of some things my eldest 9 who was particularly close with my dad had said and what I had described of my dad they decided to police interview my children at school. Nothing was disclosed however the police officer told me my dad was not someone I should be having in my life, as signed us off and then after the whirlwind of it all they bugged off and left me to deal with this horrible situation with no support.

I'm so confused. Firstly I had what I considered a normal relationship with my dad. Him and my mum split when I was 2 and he remained having regular contact untill I got to about 14 and started spending more time with my mates. He then married my step mum who was 16 when he was 30 and had my sister and brother but again split with her a few years later.He wasnt what I'd call a great parent but he was fun and a laugh, he spoilt us and messed about we had no rules when we visited apart from having fun, he used to allow us to push boundaries and he would joke about and talk about sex and say rude stuff including sexual comments about kids and my sister...all done in jest...but never once touched us. once i was an adult contact was sparse but after my mum died when I was 22 I had my 1st child and about a year later he got in contact an came over to meet his granddaughter..he was smitten and then came every week. He spoilt her just like he had me and my sister (he had no contact with our brother since he was about 13) after my 2nd child he was the same every week buying them sweets and magazines and encouraging them to mess about much to my protest. It did get to the point where it became an issue and me and my grandma had told him to tone it down but he refused to.and I didnt stop contact because my kids adored him and he made me feel I was being unreasonable. There were always oddities like he was this amazing dad and grandad yet never wanted to babysit or actually be responsible or genuinely help out it was always about fun. I just put this down as my dad not growing up and being a bit selfish...hes not had a partner for 22 years.

Anyway since it's all come out I've had many a chat with him, I feel betrayed,worried and scared. My eldest has really struggled with not having contact (ss said supervised contact would be fone but me and my partner decided no contact) he had admitted he has been view stuff for 20 odd years but insists he doesnt get sexual gratification from it. I find that so hard to belive. I have outright asked him if he has ever looked at my kids like that and he says no but I'm not sure I can believe him. I dont know who he is. A sick man or a monster. There r so many little nightly things that dont add up in my mind, I'm still petrified he touched my eldest. Is his regret genuine or a manipulation? Everytime I have contact with him I feel so sad for him..despite his actions repulsion me I cant help but see a man who's lost and at the moment I feel is so scared anxious and disgusted with himself I worry he might kill himself, if I pull my contact i worry he will feel he has nothing and soni keep seeing him...i feel angry because i owe him nothing and I feel he should be the one pulling out the stops not me. It's been ages since we heard anything from th police I've phoned 3 times for an update in the past 6 months and herd nothing.