Impact on young children being reunited with their father
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My partner is submitting a request to the family courts to get supervised visitation to see his two young children. It will be three years next month since he last saw them (he has had no contact since the knock). His youngest was only 1 at the time and his eldest is now 7. He had tried to get visitation rights before sentencing but his ex wife is reluctant for him to have any contact and the court at the time said he needed to reapply post sentence, which was August last year.
i will admit I had been frustrated that he didn't apply a lot sooner. He was going to just before lockdown but since it was at the time a postal request we have had to ask my mum to print the three copies and post to us to finish the forms. My partner confided in me that he was delaying because he was worried that visiting his kids will create further turmoil. He has caused so much upset to them through his stupid actions and he was thinking they would be better off never knowing him ever again. But he loves his kids, he isn't a risk to them and has support from his probation to pursue visitation and reconnecting. I told him that he will regret not trying to reconnect and that yes this will cause confusion to them at first but with regular and routine contact they will adjust to the 'new normal'.
So he has sent the paperwork through today and now we wait.
I want to hear from those who have gone through this family court process and how best to help kids cope and manage the impact of reconnecting, especially since it has been years since his kids have seen or heard from him. His ex wife I expect will be digging her heels (which I can understand but will make this overall all that more tricky to deal with when it comes to the kids wellbeing).
Any advice is much appreciated.
i will admit I had been frustrated that he didn't apply a lot sooner. He was going to just before lockdown but since it was at the time a postal request we have had to ask my mum to print the three copies and post to us to finish the forms. My partner confided in me that he was delaying because he was worried that visiting his kids will create further turmoil. He has caused so much upset to them through his stupid actions and he was thinking they would be better off never knowing him ever again. But he loves his kids, he isn't a risk to them and has support from his probation to pursue visitation and reconnecting. I told him that he will regret not trying to reconnect and that yes this will cause confusion to them at first but with regular and routine contact they will adjust to the 'new normal'.
So he has sent the paperwork through today and now we wait.
I want to hear from those who have gone through this family court process and how best to help kids cope and manage the impact of reconnecting, especially since it has been years since his kids have seen or heard from him. His ex wife I expect will be digging her heels (which I can understand but will make this overall all that more tricky to deal with when it comes to the kids wellbeing).
Any advice is much appreciated.
Adding the update to the progress of my partner getting some sort of contact with his kids following sentencing.
He applied in May to the family courts and received a letter saying a remote hearing would be on 1st July. He has just had an interview about it and was told that it can still be 10-12 weeks following the hearing before he gets a definitive answer to whether he can have supervised contact in a centre (or maybe with family if deemed appropriate). The judge basically tells the various authority to do a review, which is a pain since he has had an assessment through probation but I guess they need to do more to be sure and under different criteria.
Appears this will be a very long process too. Another reason I wish the time from the knock to sentencing wasn't so long (was 2 and a bit years for my partner).
He applied in May to the family courts and received a letter saying a remote hearing would be on 1st July. He has just had an interview about it and was told that it can still be 10-12 weeks following the hearing before he gets a definitive answer to whether he can have supervised contact in a centre (or maybe with family if deemed appropriate). The judge basically tells the various authority to do a review, which is a pain since he has had an assessment through probation but I guess they need to do more to be sure and under different criteria.
Appears this will be a very long process too. Another reason I wish the time from the knock to sentencing wasn't so long (was 2 and a bit years for my partner).
The memory box is lovely and might get him to do the cards bit for sure. He does send them cards and presents but we are never sure the kids actually receive them or know they are from him as their dad. For example once he sent a huge box (their courier service) of clothes and toys over Easter. It had to be signed for but no one did. So my partner got a notification that it was sent to a local depot. He told his ex wife and she said she had gone to collect it. A few weeks later the entire untouched box was resent to him since he put a return address just in case. Even since then I do not trust his ex wife is even letting the kids acknowledge he is still out there and that he cares for them.
It does really frustrate me that his ex wife has been totally uncooperative to the extent I think it will do more damage than good for the kids. I agree they need a coordinated approach on how they reintroduce him to the kids but I expect that will be difficult. We will do our best and hope that when and if contact is allowed over time it can all become a new normal. It will never be ideal of course but I'm sure the kids will appreciate knowing they have a caring dad.
It does really frustrate me that his ex wife has been totally uncooperative to the extent I think it will do more damage than good for the kids. I agree they need a coordinated approach on how they reintroduce him to the kids but I expect that will be difficult. We will do our best and hope that when and if contact is allowed over time it can all become a new normal. It will never be ideal of course but I'm sure the kids will appreciate knowing they have a caring dad.
Another update since I don't want to flood the forum with all my posts about my partners case to try to get visitation for his two kids. Unfortunately today as father's Day my partner got the cafcass report on their view of his application.
They do support the idea that his kids should be given the opportunity to reconnect with him since he is their dad but there is the concern of the time he has been apart from them which we knew would need to be handled with care. Annoyingly they state my pathad been advised last year when he put in the same application for him to get a private assessment. He has seemed to forgot this detail or assumed the assessment for probation (ARMS) would suffice. So now we have further delay to get this assessment done. He hates borrowing money but I have seen these could cost 1k, this is money he doesn't have. So I have offered to contribute and told him he can't delay this any longer.
But at least there is no sign he has no hope in getting visitation at some point in the future. He was listed as medium risk after sentencing from the probation service but he has been very co operative and we are hoping the risk will reduce on next review. Just bothers me that he has had so many different types of assessment and feels like he has to start over all over again and not coordinated between different services.
They do support the idea that his kids should be given the opportunity to reconnect with him since he is their dad but there is the concern of the time he has been apart from them which we knew would need to be handled with care. Annoyingly they state my pathad been advised last year when he put in the same application for him to get a private assessment. He has seemed to forgot this detail or assumed the assessment for probation (ARMS) would suffice. So now we have further delay to get this assessment done. He hates borrowing money but I have seen these could cost 1k, this is money he doesn't have. So I have offered to contribute and told him he can't delay this any longer.
But at least there is no sign he has no hope in getting visitation at some point in the future. He was listed as medium risk after sentencing from the probation service but he has been very co operative and we are hoping the risk will reduce on next review. Just bothers me that he has had so many different types of assessment and feels like he has to start over all over again and not coordinated between different services.