SS involvement
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It's just over 4 weeks since my husband was arrested for viewing images of children. As yet, the police haven't found any evidence so it's a waiting game. He is on bail, allowed to see our children for 4 hours a day (supervised contact) and is living with a relative.
Our lives have been turned upside down and I'm so angry and sad. What has been one of the most difficult things is social services involvement. I've always had the most upmost respect for social workers (I'm also a professional and have dealings with SS with my work) but I'm finding it all so horribly intrusive and the whole thing essentially seems a 'box ticking' exercise. I've never experienced depression and anxiety before but I can honestly say that this is all having a massive impact on my mental health.
When my husband was first released on bail, we were told he could return to the family home but could only have supervised contact (with no timing guidelines) It seems that the police didn't inform SS of his change in bail conditions so he was coming here to see the children. SS got wind of this and were furious with me - accusing me of being a non protective parent. They then set the 4 hour time limit and informed me that I had to send my children back to school. I begged with her that I didn't want to send them back (I'm asthmatic and was worried that they might bring home Covid -19 and I could become unwell and need hospital treatment and then who would look after my children). Initially she said she understood my concerns and I wouldn't have to send them after all but then came back a few days later saying that I had no choice because it was a directive. All of my concerns were dismissed.
We are coming to an end of a section 47 and as far as I understand the SW has absolutely no concerns about our children after interviewing them (& neither do I) so we will be moved onto a Children in Need plan. I was asked to indicate at the beginning of this process who I didn't want SS to contact (I indicated their schools) and now I've been informed that their schools will be contacted.
It's like nothing that I say makes any difference whatsoever - essentially they just do what they want to do. The children have returned to school which is really hard for them as none of their friends are there and I feel that they are being unfairly punished too. Suddenly we are in this awful situation with absolutely no support or guidance. Every time the SW rings I'm in a heightened state of anxiety thinking what next....
I'm also coming to the realisation that I doubt our marriage will survive this. My husbands work has been informed too (even though no evidence yet has been found) so he will probably lose his job - which brings with it worries about how we will pay mortgage etc. I'm sat here alone every night unable to talk to friends...
It's all a shit show. In many ways made worse by lockdown but at least I can hide away from people.
Our lives have been turned upside down and I'm so angry and sad. What has been one of the most difficult things is social services involvement. I've always had the most upmost respect for social workers (I'm also a professional and have dealings with SS with my work) but I'm finding it all so horribly intrusive and the whole thing essentially seems a 'box ticking' exercise. I've never experienced depression and anxiety before but I can honestly say that this is all having a massive impact on my mental health.
When my husband was first released on bail, we were told he could return to the family home but could only have supervised contact (with no timing guidelines) It seems that the police didn't inform SS of his change in bail conditions so he was coming here to see the children. SS got wind of this and were furious with me - accusing me of being a non protective parent. They then set the 4 hour time limit and informed me that I had to send my children back to school. I begged with her that I didn't want to send them back (I'm asthmatic and was worried that they might bring home Covid -19 and I could become unwell and need hospital treatment and then who would look after my children). Initially she said she understood my concerns and I wouldn't have to send them after all but then came back a few days later saying that I had no choice because it was a directive. All of my concerns were dismissed.
We are coming to an end of a section 47 and as far as I understand the SW has absolutely no concerns about our children after interviewing them (& neither do I) so we will be moved onto a Children in Need plan. I was asked to indicate at the beginning of this process who I didn't want SS to contact (I indicated their schools) and now I've been informed that their schools will be contacted.
It's like nothing that I say makes any difference whatsoever - essentially they just do what they want to do. The children have returned to school which is really hard for them as none of their friends are there and I feel that they are being unfairly punished too. Suddenly we are in this awful situation with absolutely no support or guidance. Every time the SW rings I'm in a heightened state of anxiety thinking what next....
I'm also coming to the realisation that I doubt our marriage will survive this. My husbands work has been informed too (even though no evidence yet has been found) so he will probably lose his job - which brings with it worries about how we will pay mortgage etc. I'm sat here alone every night unable to talk to friends...
It's all a shit show. In many ways made worse by lockdown but at least I can hide away from people.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Due to lockdown, my partner has not seen the children in 10 days, since the police showed up. We've only had one visit from social services in that time, the day after it all happened. They were meant to phone this week but haven't. I was told it was vompletely up to me whether i sent them into school or not, and that the headteacher wanted me to know they were welcome. I haven't sent them as yet. I'm also feeling alone, I've been in the house for almost 2 weeks on ny own with 2 children, and haven't told anyone. Also worried how I'm going to afford the rent, and I'm likely going to lose my job as we shared childcare. It seems so unfair us as partners have to lose everything too, as well as our poor children. You're not alone x
Thanks for your lovely replies...
Al24 - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. How awful. What are your husbands bail conditions? Is he not allowed to see you children or are you waiting for SS? I was told that he was only allowed to be at home because of lockdown and under normal circumstances he wouldn't be allowed here. I really hope you hear from the SW soon.
Lost123 - I remember you replied to my first post a few weeks ago and mentioned how difficult you found SS involvement. Unfortunately I didn't receive a letter from the nhs as I'm not on continuous steroids for my asthma so looks like I stood no chance. From a purely selfish point of view, it's actually been nice to have some headspace, get some work done in peace and be able to pop out alone whilst they are at school. I was just angry and upset that I was given no choice on the matter and my concerns were totally dismissed as insignificant. I have asked SS who will look after them if I need hospital treatment and of course they have no answer for that. The SW was also really devious as she asked them if they wanted to go back to school (they said yes not knowing that she actually meant now and not with their friends being there) so as far as she was concerned they were happy with that plan. Of course she didn't have to deal with the fallout of telling them they actually were going back! I agree that SS have caused more issues to my children that what they are supposedly at risk of. How ironic.
You must be so worried about the future having another baby on the way too. I know what you mean about not being able to forgive your husband... apparently mine 'only' looked at images for an hour once (& opened them by accident) but the ramifications are life changing.
Al24 - I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. How awful. What are your husbands bail conditions? Is he not allowed to see you children or are you waiting for SS? I was told that he was only allowed to be at home because of lockdown and under normal circumstances he wouldn't be allowed here. I really hope you hear from the SW soon.
Lost123 - I remember you replied to my first post a few weeks ago and mentioned how difficult you found SS involvement. Unfortunately I didn't receive a letter from the nhs as I'm not on continuous steroids for my asthma so looks like I stood no chance. From a purely selfish point of view, it's actually been nice to have some headspace, get some work done in peace and be able to pop out alone whilst they are at school. I was just angry and upset that I was given no choice on the matter and my concerns were totally dismissed as insignificant. I have asked SS who will look after them if I need hospital treatment and of course they have no answer for that. The SW was also really devious as she asked them if they wanted to go back to school (they said yes not knowing that she actually meant now and not with their friends being there) so as far as she was concerned they were happy with that plan. Of course she didn't have to deal with the fallout of telling them they actually were going back! I agree that SS have caused more issues to my children that what they are supposedly at risk of. How ironic.
You must be so worried about the future having another baby on the way too. I know what you mean about not being able to forgive your husband... apparently mine 'only' looked at images for an hour once (& opened them by accident) but the ramifications are life changing.
I work alongside social care too and I'm shocked at how they manage things when seen from the other side. We are 3 weeks from the knock, sw visited on the Tuesday and I've heard nothing more since. Was told its S47 even tho no concerns re me protecting them, no concerns from kids, my hubby is bailed out of county and despite me standing by him any contact with the kids will be if and when they want it as they are 12 and 17. She told me it would likely drop to TAC sith school as lead until investigation over. SW told me I'd get universal credit, free school meals etc as was now on 9ne income, then pointed out I earn more than she does and I'm not entitled to anything as I'm the main earner. There seems to be an assumption that this thing happens to lower income households!
Hubby is waiting to hear from his employer who has suspended him due to what he does. I dont believe they can sack him just for being investigated but we know he won't go back just hoping he will continue to be paid whilst suspended.
My youngest has said she wants him home, my eldest is still confused about it all. My worry is that if the Police deem him low of no risk to the girls, SC see it as very black and white and if he goes on SOR he will be deemed a risk, they don't appear to consider the context. Ultimately though, unless they apply for guardianship you have PR and that means you are responsible for the decisions. Only if those decisions put your children at risk will this escalate further. I dont believe they can make your child go to school. SW asked my 2 both said they didn't want to and that was that.
I'll know more next week when we find out if his bail is bring extended and whether his bail conditions are changed.
Hubby is waiting to hear from his employer who has suspended him due to what he does. I dont believe they can sack him just for being investigated but we know he won't go back just hoping he will continue to be paid whilst suspended.
My youngest has said she wants him home, my eldest is still confused about it all. My worry is that if the Police deem him low of no risk to the girls, SC see it as very black and white and if he goes on SOR he will be deemed a risk, they don't appear to consider the context. Ultimately though, unless they apply for guardianship you have PR and that means you are responsible for the decisions. Only if those decisions put your children at risk will this escalate further. I dont believe they can make your child go to school. SW asked my 2 both said they didn't want to and that was that.
I'll know more next week when we find out if his bail is bring extended and whether his bail conditions are changed.