The end of the road
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After a pretty horrendous week I think I'll be separating from my husband who was charged with possession of iioc in January. My adult children are devastated and their hurt has hurt me so much, I'm not sure I can carry on with the man who caused it. I know he's psychologically damaged otherwise he never would have ended up where he was. But my youngest daughter now 27 has told me that when she was 15 or 16 she accidentally saw something on his computer and she never told anyone. Although he's only just been convicted he had told me he'd accessed this stuff in the past too, though not used chat rooms which is how he was ultimately caught. Back then it was infrequent and he stopped for long periods of time but the problem was still there under the surface. I can deal with my hurt and lack of trust, but once my child is involved it hurts so much more.
Practically speaking it's going to take time so it can't be tomorrow but I can see it's probably more likely than not right now.
Practically speaking it's going to take time so it can't be tomorrow but I can see it's probably more likely than not right now.
Ann, it's so hard to make that decision. I feel for you. I have come to the same decision, but I can't completely cut off my feelings, we have such good history together, and he has clearly had a mental breakdown. But the pain he has and is still putting me through, by his ill thought out choices, is to much. I contemplate living peacefully with him. And trusting him again. That's no way to spend the rest of my life. I know I personally would live on edge.
I have not instigated any divorce proceedings, and have made no changes to finances etc at this point. I don't know if I'm being foolish or not. But I can't make big decisions at this point when I am still grappling to get some sense of where I am now.
Take care xxx
I have not instigated any divorce proceedings, and have made no changes to finances etc at this point. I don't know if I'm being foolish or not. But I can't make big decisions at this point when I am still grappling to get some sense of where I am now.
Take care xxx
Tabs thanks. I've been so to and fro over this and like you part of me can't just ditch our long friendship and switch off. But what you said about peace means a lot. I'm so emotionally exhausted by it all I just want a break either short or long term. Financially almost impossible so a bit lost at the moment. I do so know what you're going through. It's such a horrible choice and feels like no matter what I feel I can't win. Absolutely knackering.
I can relate to this. Although I'm not married (was engaged) I have recently tried to make things work again with my ex but the backlash and hate from neibours, friends, and his family just seems too much, I'm only 22 and it kills me but I want to have children without social services being involved as I grew up in care and involved with SS and I don't want that. I want to be able to travel where I want I want a normal life and I don't think I can have that with my ex
I have decided to stay with my husband and lucky for him so has his children,. He has always been a fantastic dad and husband so he has supported us always. But i don't have young children and i earn my own money so i know i can walk away anytime. Also our children have made it very clear second chance only i also think because his honesty with us all and his effort to get help and accept help has gone a long way with all of us. But we are still only at the beginning so we will see its such a shitty place to be that who knows what will happen. This journey has so many twist and turns I don't where we / I will end up but i know i will never be the same person. I find myself less judgemental but i have also built a wall and am a little more harsh towards the worls and more selfish i do not give up my time or help as often. I also don't suffer fools as much and am quiet happy to cut people out of my life. I am quiet happy just getting on with my life. Hugs xx
I can really see how this meant so much to everyone on here, it doesn't make the situation go away (God the times I've prayed that could happen) but it helps do very much to know I'm not alone and to know that we can all acknowledge our partners mental health or screwed psychology, while feeling desperately hurt and betrayed, and in mourning for the life we've lost. Even those who leave have lost the life they had and that hurts. Those of us who stay have lost the life we had and it hurts. We always lose no matter what. There are women here I know who are living with their partners negotiating around SOR and social services and that's no easy option but it can be done. Yes we are all strong women no matter what our choices are. Thank you all for your strength and wisdom.