Help for him
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Hi,
So we are 8 months In,
I've had a bit of counselling which has helped me process stuff and allowed me to be able to open up conversations with my dad. Hes very lost and distressed about he situation and we are currently just waiting for the police to forencically analyse his 4 computers.
He has had a police interview in which he has been open and admitted his wrong. Initially I helped him get counselling via steps to wellbeing. He did 4 sessions and said hey discharged him. I recently asked if it helped him and I was surprised he only had 4 sessions given the gravity of the situation (20+years of viewing) and I found out he hadnt even disclosed the situation to his councillor....felt to ashamed and couldn't bring himself to say it. I also think he is scared to confront that part of himself. So now he is just coping by burring his head in the sand.he lives alone and seems to be really depressed.
Can anyone reccomend how to help...where to go? I think he would like help but I dont know what to suggest. Phoning the LFF helpline hasnt helped because he has to talk and they just listen (this has been my experience too, they havent offered any advice or guidance just listened and agreed)
he needs prompting and help.
Xxxx
So we are 8 months In,
I've had a bit of counselling which has helped me process stuff and allowed me to be able to open up conversations with my dad. Hes very lost and distressed about he situation and we are currently just waiting for the police to forencically analyse his 4 computers.
He has had a police interview in which he has been open and admitted his wrong. Initially I helped him get counselling via steps to wellbeing. He did 4 sessions and said hey discharged him. I recently asked if it helped him and I was surprised he only had 4 sessions given the gravity of the situation (20+years of viewing) and I found out he hadnt even disclosed the situation to his councillor....felt to ashamed and couldn't bring himself to say it. I also think he is scared to confront that part of himself. So now he is just coping by burring his head in the sand.he lives alone and seems to be really depressed.
Can anyone reccomend how to help...where to go? I think he would like help but I dont know what to suggest. Phoning the LFF helpline hasnt helped because he has to talk and they just listen (this has been my experience too, they havent offered any advice or guidance just listened and agreed)
he needs prompting and help.
Xxxx
Hi, does your dad know about the course that Lucy Faithfull run for Internet offenders? If you call ask about Inform Plus. You have to pay but if you're struggling I believe they can discuss or be flexible on price. My husband did the course, it was 5 x 2 hour sessions and helped him so much to confront his behaviour and start to understand how it happened and how it affects victims. Its very practical and perhaps that's something your dad could find better because it's not just talking.
It's nice that you're concerned for him and want to help so don't give up on him, keep trying. Take care x
It's nice that you're concerned for him and want to help so don't give up on him, keep trying. Take care x
Hello Vicky86,
I am sorry to hear that you and your father did not find the helpline useful last time that you contacted us and that you were not able to receive any advice or guidance. I do encourage you to try and call us again so that we are able to support you and provide you with the advice and guidance that would be helpful for you. We do understand that it can be difficult to talk about these situations with complete strangers, such as ourselves, but we do need some information of the circumstances to be able to provide the relevant and appropriate advice. Otherwise ‘reading between the lines’ might lead us to giving inaccurate advice.
As a starting point for more support, your father might want to have a look at our Get Help modules – he can find them here: https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/concerned-about-use-of-the-internet/. These modules are a great starting point for him to begin to understand his behaviour and start putting things in place to help him move forwards. He can take these at his own pace and complete them when he is ready. If he feels that he is struggling with depression I would also advise that he gets some support from his GP.
I hope that this has been helpful and that you are able to call us again on the helpline so that we can try and support you in the best way possible.
Best wishes,
Lucy
I am sorry to hear that you and your father did not find the helpline useful last time that you contacted us and that you were not able to receive any advice or guidance. I do encourage you to try and call us again so that we are able to support you and provide you with the advice and guidance that would be helpful for you. We do understand that it can be difficult to talk about these situations with complete strangers, such as ourselves, but we do need some information of the circumstances to be able to provide the relevant and appropriate advice. Otherwise ‘reading between the lines’ might lead us to giving inaccurate advice.
As a starting point for more support, your father might want to have a look at our Get Help modules – he can find them here: https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/concerned-about-use-of-the-internet/. These modules are a great starting point for him to begin to understand his behaviour and start putting things in place to help him move forwards. He can take these at his own pace and complete them when he is ready. If he feels that he is struggling with depression I would also advise that he gets some support from his GP.
I hope that this has been helpful and that you are able to call us again on the helpline so that we can try and support you in the best way possible.
Best wishes,
Lucy
Hi ann p and Lucy
Thank u both for taking the time to reply and the support given in your messages.
I think my dad has looked at the steps programme and did start to complete it but "gave up" because he said so mich of it he didnt find relevant or relatable. I think he is still distancing himself for it all and although has admitted guilt is still somewhat in denial. I will definitely give the helpline another try and urge my dad to do the same. This forum has been a lifeline for me, its incredibly reassuring to read other storys and know there are people out there who really do understand rather than feeling awkward and sorry for me. Alot of what others say is so relevant and really resonates with me. Thank God for LFF!
Xxx
Thank u both for taking the time to reply and the support given in your messages.
I think my dad has looked at the steps programme and did start to complete it but "gave up" because he said so mich of it he didnt find relevant or relatable. I think he is still distancing himself for it all and although has admitted guilt is still somewhat in denial. I will definitely give the helpline another try and urge my dad to do the same. This forum has been a lifeline for me, its incredibly reassuring to read other storys and know there are people out there who really do understand rather than feeling awkward and sorry for me. Alot of what others say is so relevant and really resonates with me. Thank God for LFF!
Xxx
There are a number of courses and help out there and not all suits. It's about trying to find what helps the best. My partner went to sex addiction anonymous but didn't find it helpful in the end. The imform plus course was great for him but ATM I suspect that is on hold. Steps to wellbeing is more on general mental health and they don't cover many specific conditions (I'm on CBT course for anxiety because that was the closest thing they could do to help with my hair pulling).
Sexual offences need more specific focus I think before getting into general mental resilience. My partner needed to know what led him to it, his triggers and snap sense back into him (he became so desensitized to what he was viewing that he couldn't or would not think about the impact he was having on on the victims). Defo give the Lucy faithful material a go and ask the phone line if there is other accessible material (books, journal papers).
I hope your dad finds something that helps and it might require a few attempts.
Sexual offences need more specific focus I think before getting into general mental resilience. My partner needed to know what led him to it, his triggers and snap sense back into him (he became so desensitized to what he was viewing that he couldn't or would not think about the impact he was having on on the victims). Defo give the Lucy faithful material a go and ask the phone line if there is other accessible material (books, journal papers).
I hope your dad finds something that helps and it might require a few attempts.