Family and Friends Forum

hi just looking for advice. With partner for 12 years have 4 children he hasn’t hit me but has hit cupboards doors thrown things and kicked front door off a few times. Has been verbally aggressive to me and the kids. He has messaged quite a few woman in the relationship. I split from him a few months ago took me 3 weeks and in the end police removed him from my house. When he left I went into his old social media account and found messages of him pretending to be a 13 year old had sent photos of one of his friends sons to pretend it was him. He had topped the young girls phones up hundreds of messages to a fair few young girls. I obviously asked him about this he denied it and said I was making it up I went to the police made a statement sent all the evidence to them as well. A month later I stupidly let him come home police hadn’t been in touch at all with me or him so I assumed they weren’t worried about it. After 3 days of him being back the police came and arrested him then let him go as they had no evidence it was actually him and he no longer has the phone with all the messages on. I’ve since had social services come to do an assessment have done an interim safety plan and said that his not allowed to the house at all Not allowed to see kids unsupervised by my parents. This is also because of the domestic violence as social services call it. They say they have no worries about me with the kids but need to know if I’m a protective factor. Have said that children are on a voluntary child in need plan but if don’t do what they recommend when she actually completes the assessment then they will progress onto child protection. How is this voluntary? Has anyone been through similar? How long did social services stay around for? She has told me to expect them involved for at least 6 months! Thanks for reading hope it all makes sense. Also please don’t tell me I shouldn’t want anything to do with him it’s really not that easy I wish I hated him and wanted nothing more to do with him but I can’t and I don’t understand why myself so can’t explain it to anyone else.

Hi thanks for reply. Should of said in original post yes he did it he admitted everything 3 weeks after I went to the police, he had teen porn and young girl porn In the Internet history but he said no comment in police interview as solicitor advised him to do this and like I said there wasn’t evidence to prove the messages were from him. Yes I know it’s good They only on child in need but it’s hardly voluntary when if I don’t do it kids will go onto child protection. She has spoken to the children at school and they have told her they have seen their dad push me and shouting and punching things so I know this will be used against him. I don’t see how social services can say he is high risk when police have dropped everything due to no evidence. The whole thing is getting too much my parents are the only people allowed to watch my kids while I am at work. I work long hours so they obviously aren’t happy about this and I can’t afford to pay for a child minder for 4 of them. And tbh I don’t see why I should have to pay out for it when their dad could watch them as I wouldn’t even be there so no risk of anything happening between us. They are 4,7,8 and 9 as well.

I knew about the other woman his done it more than once, me being foolish enough to have him back each time but the 13 year olds I didn’t know until after he had left. Thing is ss have come along thrown all this at me told me his not allowed to see kids unsupervised said he isn’t allowed to family home at all and done an interim safety plan. The only kind of support I have is my parents, they are thare only ones allowed to watch kids when I’m at work but they aren’t happy about it and do nothing but moan which obviously just adds to my stress. I haven’t been offered any help from ss with like child care which i know isn’t their job but they are the ones saying their dad can’t wath them knowing he is the one who did before. He does work but only 3 days a week on the opposite days to me, but mine was longer days his is 9-5. If they offered any kind of help I would accept it just to keep them happy but they haven’t actually done so just told me I will have a new long term social worker soon as this one I have now is just the one who does the assessment. The police dropped everything with him but are still saying he is a high risk to me and the children. He hasn’t given a proper explanation to me of why he done it so everything is just a big mess at the moment if I was to give up work I don’t think it would help as I enjoy it and is really the only thing I have for myself.

Hi yes this is it they give all these demands but then no support to follow it. Tbh I don’t think he is a risk to the children at all or I wouldn’t have leftthem with him ever, I understand the risk of him to me with the controlling and the pushing me about and the kids have seen this as they told her this when she went to the school to speak to them. But they still are upset for their dad surely they wouldn’t b this upset if he was that bad with them? It doesn’t make sense. I already pay for kids to go to a school club from 7.30 then they have they till 5.30 on an evening so my mum and Dad just take them at 7.30 then pick hem up at5.30 till I’m home around 10. This stil isn’t good enough and im u sure social services would offer any help with this I have seen them for 5 weeeks last time I spoke to her was 2 weeks ago when she said she had completed assessment and had till the 10th jan to write it up. I undeterred why they would think he is a risk but they don’t know him like I do and haven’t spoken to him about it like I have and that’s not me justifying it at all he knows I am totally against any of it and don’t agree with any of it.