Comments re telling people please
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What experience have you good people had on telling family and friends? Did you leave till reported, tell in advance? Often hindsight is a wonderful thing so what would you have done different? Son's bail is continually being extended and am finding it difficult not being able to talk openly with sister but no idea what her reaction will be.
Hi Ladies,
My son lived away from me. The papers found out some how and it was posted all over facebook. He lost all his friends in the area bar 1 and her family who has been absolutely wonderful. My son told her as soon as he'd been arrested. Didn't tell me till several weeks later. Everyone condemmed him without knowing the facts. He came to live with me. I have lived on this street for many years and know that if my neigbhours knew I would be ostracized. Maybe one friend would stay with me but I would lose the others. My sister I had to tell as she lives with me and has been a great support as she knows my son well. It was a one off offence nothing else was found. He is due in court in a month. Just hoping this address is not recorded as it will reach the local rag. If his name is googled its there for all to see as the papers (4 in the area) posted it and cant be removed. So if his friends in the area google him......
It is very difficult knowing wether to tell anyone I really dont know what to say. All we can do is to try and shield them from the outcry that will follow any press release. He came off social media when it went live.
Be strong for your son they need us. We have grown closer since this happened. Though I am finding things very difficult to understand and cry a lot without him knowing.
My son lived away from me. The papers found out some how and it was posted all over facebook. He lost all his friends in the area bar 1 and her family who has been absolutely wonderful. My son told her as soon as he'd been arrested. Didn't tell me till several weeks later. Everyone condemmed him without knowing the facts. He came to live with me. I have lived on this street for many years and know that if my neigbhours knew I would be ostracized. Maybe one friend would stay with me but I would lose the others. My sister I had to tell as she lives with me and has been a great support as she knows my son well. It was a one off offence nothing else was found. He is due in court in a month. Just hoping this address is not recorded as it will reach the local rag. If his name is googled its there for all to see as the papers (4 in the area) posted it and cant be removed. So if his friends in the area google him......
It is very difficult knowing wether to tell anyone I really dont know what to say. All we can do is to try and shield them from the outcry that will follow any press release. He came off social media when it went live.
Be strong for your son they need us. We have grown closer since this happened. Though I am finding things very difficult to understand and cry a lot without him knowing.
I told my sister last week and felt relieved. I haven't told anyone else yet. I kept it vague (accessing indecent images of children online). I'm also curious how people told friends and also how to explain why my husband isn't around, assuming he goes to prison. Especially because he did half of the school runs and this is a small community.
Thanks, lost123. I talked to my husband about this and realized that I would never question why a different partner was doing all of the school runs. So far no one has said anything, though I got some raised eyebrows and nosy inquiries about why our child went back to school early with the key workers. I told one friend she had to go back and they said, well the other only category is vulnerable and she's not that. I just stared and said nothing. Totally not their business!
I think I'll say the same about working abroad if it comes to it, thanks for the idea. x
I think I'll say the same about working abroad if it comes to it, thanks for the idea. x
Hi, I've been through this awful experience twice with my son. Told immediate family at time of sons arrest and close friends when it was going to court. Same 2nd time (we'd lost some people after first time) it was reported in papers twice first time , at plea hearing and when sentenced. Last year when he went to court it was reported accompanied by a photo of him and our address (not number) personally I think it's better to be honest with those you care about most as finding out through media must be awful (we have a unusual surname) if people aren't going to stand by you then they won't regardless of when you tell them , it's frightening but you get through it somehow xx