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Hello,
Just under three weeks since the knock and dad's managed to get a counsellor. Took a while to findnsomeone since there's people who won't help while he's under investigation, and because he needs someone specialised. After much discussion as a family I think he's probably more messed up than I ever realised. Turns out he was molested by a friend of his mother's when he was young - 8 or 9 y/o maybe? And he's never told anyone - even my mam, who he's known for almost 40 years. I don't know where the balance is between knowing that what happened to him was terrible and shouldn't have happened and has left him broken, but also the knowledge that what he's done has allowed the exact same thing to happen to who knows how many teenagers. I'm having trouble separating the father I've known for 24 years from what he's done. I think he's felt isolated at times being the only man in the house, as my sister and I have a super similar sense of humour to our mam. But through his own doing, he's put himself in a position where he's completely isolated - I can barely stand to be in the same room as him at times. Still can't look any of my colleagues in the eyes. I've always been friendly with everyone I share shifts with, and that hasn't stopped, but every conversation I have leaves me terrified of how they'll treat me if it gets out. His counsellor has told him that a few years ago the police stuff used to take six months tops, but due to an increase in prevalence and also police detection we're probs looking at 18 months to two years. And I'm assuming that the corona situation is only going to delay the process further. The idea of living like this for the next two years is unbearable. I just don't know how to live in limbo.
Much love, L x
Just under three weeks since the knock and dad's managed to get a counsellor. Took a while to findnsomeone since there's people who won't help while he's under investigation, and because he needs someone specialised. After much discussion as a family I think he's probably more messed up than I ever realised. Turns out he was molested by a friend of his mother's when he was young - 8 or 9 y/o maybe? And he's never told anyone - even my mam, who he's known for almost 40 years. I don't know where the balance is between knowing that what happened to him was terrible and shouldn't have happened and has left him broken, but also the knowledge that what he's done has allowed the exact same thing to happen to who knows how many teenagers. I'm having trouble separating the father I've known for 24 years from what he's done. I think he's felt isolated at times being the only man in the house, as my sister and I have a super similar sense of humour to our mam. But through his own doing, he's put himself in a position where he's completely isolated - I can barely stand to be in the same room as him at times. Still can't look any of my colleagues in the eyes. I've always been friendly with everyone I share shifts with, and that hasn't stopped, but every conversation I have leaves me terrified of how they'll treat me if it gets out. His counsellor has told him that a few years ago the police stuff used to take six months tops, but due to an increase in prevalence and also police detection we're probs looking at 18 months to two years. And I'm assuming that the corona situation is only going to delay the process further. The idea of living like this for the next two years is unbearable. I just don't know how to live in limbo.
Much love, L x
Hi Lizzie
If there is any way you can support your dad, even in the smallest way, please try. My grown up children have pretty much distanced themselves from him, and it's devastating to watch how much pain he's in. I know his actions caused it, but is it a normal thing to do, seeking images? I would say no, it's not normal, so it must be abnormal, a sickness. So if it's a sickness that person surely needs some sympathy and help to recover.
It must be so hard for you, my heart goes out to you. It's painful for everyone in this situation but your dad sounds damaged and perhaps you might help him mend?
If there is any way you can support your dad, even in the smallest way, please try. My grown up children have pretty much distanced themselves from him, and it's devastating to watch how much pain he's in. I know his actions caused it, but is it a normal thing to do, seeking images? I would say no, it's not normal, so it must be abnormal, a sickness. So if it's a sickness that person surely needs some sympathy and help to recover.
It must be so hard for you, my heart goes out to you. It's painful for everyone in this situation but your dad sounds damaged and perhaps you might help him mend?