My world has been turned upside down
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Yesterday whilst playing in the garden with my 3 year old son I received a knock on the door that would change my life forever, my fiancé of 4 years had been arrested at work whilst on patrol (he works for the police).
Four men took all of our devices away, photographed every inch of the house and took photos of my son and sister for reference although they said there is no indication that either of them are involved in any way.
I haven't seen or spoken to my fiancé since he left for work that morning just like every day, he was released to his parents home and I have just received a text from his mum saying 'I wish I knew what to say, we are all numb, thinking of you'
ive been told to expect a call from social services. The thought of him ever seeing our three year old son again makes me feel physically sick. I just don't know what to do for the best for my son. They were so close and had such a good bond/relationship, they were always together and he was a hands on dad from day one and couldn't do more for either of us. I am so shocked and torn, how could I ever let him see our son again when he has contributed to child abuse? My son cried for his Daddy last night and it broke my heart, I have not stopped crying since the knock, I can't sleep or eat and I guess I just need a bit of guidance from others that have been through this. My family are sickened and can't believe that I would consider letting him see our son again, I'm just confused.
What has everyone else done when it comes to kids?
Four men took all of our devices away, photographed every inch of the house and took photos of my son and sister for reference although they said there is no indication that either of them are involved in any way.
I haven't seen or spoken to my fiancé since he left for work that morning just like every day, he was released to his parents home and I have just received a text from his mum saying 'I wish I knew what to say, we are all numb, thinking of you'
ive been told to expect a call from social services. The thought of him ever seeing our three year old son again makes me feel physically sick. I just don't know what to do for the best for my son. They were so close and had such a good bond/relationship, they were always together and he was a hands on dad from day one and couldn't do more for either of us. I am so shocked and torn, how could I ever let him see our son again when he has contributed to child abuse? My son cried for his Daddy last night and it broke my heart, I have not stopped crying since the knock, I can't sleep or eat and I guess I just need a bit of guidance from others that have been through this. My family are sickened and can't believe that I would consider letting him see our son again, I'm just confused.
What has everyone else done when it comes to kids?
Hi Jade133. Oh I'm so sorry like us all, you are on here. I'm only one month in, and how you are feeling now, does ease with time. Please don't make any rash decisions, it's like a grieving process and feelings are raw. Give yourself time to absorb what has happened. I went into flight mode, sell the house, get another job panic, panic. Now I've slept a little better and am eating nearly normally, I feel more resigned to the situation. I stress about the outcome, and am really early into this, my inky advice is take care of yourself, allow yourself to scream and cry when you want. Do what's right for you. Time heals and a knee jerk reaction from everyone is natural. Your little boy is tougher than you think. I initially he will miss Dad, but they do adapt quite quickly. Honestly. Sending you love and strength, but it does ease I promise xx
Thank you both of you.
It definitely does feel like grieving, I am grieving 5 years of a relationship with someone I didn't really know but also the life and future we should have had. We were supposed to be buying a house together in September, going to Florida for a dream family holiday in October and now I have no income, no home, no job or security and am sleeping in my Mums bed with my Son whilst she sleeps on the sofa.
Its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel right now but I'm glad we have each other and this forum to turn to
It definitely does feel like grieving, I am grieving 5 years of a relationship with someone I didn't really know but also the life and future we should have had. We were supposed to be buying a house together in September, going to Florida for a dream family holiday in October and now I have no income, no home, no job or security and am sleeping in my Mums bed with my Son whilst she sleeps on the sofa.
Its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel right now but I'm glad we have each other and this forum to turn to
I am so sorry you're having to go through all of this whilst pregnant as well, I cannot imagine!
The police told me he had been arrested for uploading indecent images of children but they are certain that he didn't take the images himself. One of the police men explained it as him getting himself in a very sticky situation. I was told it's not young young children, toddlers or babies but that's about it. Apart from this very vague bit of information I have no idea what he's done, involved in or how long any of it has been going on for.
I think the fact that I know so little and the fact I've had 0 contact with him since he left for work that morning is making it harder to process and make any decisions so I think you're right about taking my time and not making any decisions yet.
Today was his payday and he sent his entire wages into my bank account. I also got a message from his Mum telling me he hates himself for what he's putting me through but that is the only thing I have heard from him and his family.
The police told me he had been arrested for uploading indecent images of children but they are certain that he didn't take the images himself. One of the police men explained it as him getting himself in a very sticky situation. I was told it's not young young children, toddlers or babies but that's about it. Apart from this very vague bit of information I have no idea what he's done, involved in or how long any of it has been going on for.
I think the fact that I know so little and the fact I've had 0 contact with him since he left for work that morning is making it harder to process and make any decisions so I think you're right about taking my time and not making any decisions yet.
Today was his payday and he sent his entire wages into my bank account. I also got a message from his Mum telling me he hates himself for what he's putting me through but that is the only thing I have heard from him and his family.
Oh Jade133. It is utterly devastating. It does get easier though. Take one day at a time.
I'm 6 weeks ahead of you. I spent the first few weeks crying but things are a little better now. I still feel really sad and angry. Angry that we are in this absolutely awful situation. Lockdown has also given me the opportunity to hide away from people!
I have two children at home. My husband is on bail and now living away from home but he's allowed supervised access to the children and sees them daily. Social services involvement has been really hard and intrusive. We are now on a Children in Need plan so don't have such regular contact with them at the moment (thankfully!)
Take good care of yourself and your little boy. There are lots of us here who are going through the same very shitty situation xx
I'm 6 weeks ahead of you. I spent the first few weeks crying but things are a little better now. I still feel really sad and angry. Angry that we are in this absolutely awful situation. Lockdown has also given me the opportunity to hide away from people!
I have two children at home. My husband is on bail and now living away from home but he's allowed supervised access to the children and sees them daily. Social services involvement has been really hard and intrusive. We are now on a Children in Need plan so don't have such regular contact with them at the moment (thankfully!)
Take good care of yourself and your little boy. There are lots of us here who are going through the same very shitty situation xx
I am so terrified of having SS involved in my life in any way. I suffer with Anxiety already and even the thought of having them around is unbearable.
My Son woke up this morning and finally asked 'where's my Daddy gone' and to see his Grandparents and Aunt on his Dads side. I'm devestated, I couldn't even answer him and just burst into tears which I know isn't ideal and will probably confuse him further.
My Son woke up this morning and finally asked 'where's my Daddy gone' and to see his Grandparents and Aunt on his Dads side. I'm devestated, I couldn't even answer him and just burst into tears which I know isn't ideal and will probably confuse him further.
Hi Jade, I just wanted to say the sane as everyone else here, it's an awful situation and shocking early on. I would urge you to see your GP as soon as you can. Mine was so sympathetic and helpful, and whatever helps you will help your little boy too. My children are all adults but it still hurts me to see how this hurts them too. (their dad, my husband if 44 years convicted of viewing images) and I know my daughter went to her GP and got some anti anxiety medication which helped her enormously. Early days are so hard but nothing will happen today. Breathe, look after yourself, keep trying the stop it now helpline, you will get through if you keep trying and they are so helpful.
Sending live, support and long distance hugs x x
Sending live, support and long distance hugs x x
Sorry typos! Love, support and long distance hugs x x