Family and Friends Forum

21 may my whole entire world was blown away. A knock at the door and my life has changed indefinitely. I was in total shock at what I was hearing and trying to process. My partner has been accessing viewing downloading and in a chat forum . It was all a subject I thought I'd never have to deal with. I'm really struggling emotionally physically and mentally. I dont know if I can get through this . I've cried so much my family are in total turmoil. I'm only into day 4

Thank you for all your kind words of support. We were childhood sweethearts split up after 12 years . Went on to be with other people he even married. We came back into each other's lives as he started to see our daughter then our son. They were both young adults. Our first grandchild arrived and he was amazing. Same with the 2nd. He loved them dearly. Hes got back injury issues which affected out intimacy. I work full time long hours. I felt we were growing apart slowly but always stuck together. We were making a nice small home for ourselves and planning a easier future as we got older. Then the knock happened. It was traumatic. He was arrested. I was stunned and falling to pieces. They all left and I was left in a house with the aftermath with a leaflet for helpful information. I have not stayed with him. Hes been bailed to his elderly mothers. His sister is a mess because he has also stripped her bank account of his elderly mother. He has caused absolute carnage for us all. Since that morning I've been told very little. I love him dearly but I've been shown another person that's what's difficult. I think hes admitted his full guilt and wants help. But he thinks we can just pick up were we left off. I can't. I dont think I'll ever get back from this. The hurt and betrayal is making me question everything. I'm still in shock.

During everything I've never felt so alone. I've returned to work. Its helped . I can step away from this for a few hours. My children have been amazing. So have a few trusted friends. I had to talk I ead trying to shut everyone out. I'm literally broken in every way possible. Ice never felt such pain. I have been told it will go to court. He was my best friend my world but I wont ever be able to trust him again. As I said in my first post we split up for 13 years got back together. The first time was over his drinking and compulsive lies. 2nd time his internet activity and forum he was sharing his fantasies about. I'm actually still trying to process things . Day by day. I'm also seeing a gp for help. My anxiety is horrendous. I've cried so much its physically hurts.

To one and all thanks for posting back. I'm still struggling to process everything. I've looked at our relationship and blamed myself. I work and was the one who did the providing. Due to his back problems he stayed at home and cared for his elderly mother. I tried getting him to open up to me when I noticed back nearly 2yrs ago a change in his mood. He became snappy critical physically would shown no affection just in the presence of others. I know feel I meant absolutely nothing to him I'm constantly looking for answers and blame myself. I knew he had an addiction to adult porn and we'd argued over it. He told me he was done with it all and wanted to concentrate on us. Then this happens. It's a week tomorrow 7am the nightmare knock. I'm a mess I can't deal with it . I've never felt pain like it. The crying has stopped only because it causes me pain to do anymore . I'm following advice from you wonderful people. I've managed 2 whole meals since and countless cups of coffee. Smoking gone through the roof but it helps when the shakes and paranoia creep in. So far I've managed to stave off anymore panic attacks. I still can't believe how many people have had to deal with this. I blame the internet for one . I feel such a failure in everything like I'm responsible for what hes done

Well today was another bombshell dropped at my feet . On top of everything else now fraud. He has stripped his mothers bank account of literally thousands. His family are upset and angry. Want to know where its gone. I have no answers because it certainly wasn't into our home. So whilst on bail for his viewing of xxxx porn now this. I'm getting more deflated by the day. I see no hope in anything. The police cant tell me anything. I'm grieving like nothing I've ever felt. I love him dearly. But hes angry and now looking at me to blame. I had to retrieve from a family member my house key and car key today. All I could hear in the background was him shouting half the stuff in the house is mine and I want my personal belongings. I woke up next to him Thursday morning with the police in our bedroom. He was taken. I've not had the opportunity to speak to him. I really want to I love him so much but I know it's over between us. He sounded I total denial of what hes done. It's a side I hardly recognised. I've been told by my son hes a narcissist. He is now in custody and I probably will never get the chance to speak to him. I'm a total mess . My world blown to bits and now hes venting at me . All o did was truely love him and support him. I'm still at a loss as to why. Was loosening all this worth it? Did he ever actually love me ? I'm in so much pain its unbelievable. I want to scream out loud why ? What were you thinking? Why didn't he try and talk to me. Everything is a mess a total shit storm.

Hi everyone well 2 weeks tomorrow morning my world changed. The knock. My partner is currently on remand for fraud and this other stuff will follow. I'm struggling in every way possible. Worried about finances and a whole lot of other things. The tears still co.e especially at night when I realise I'm alone and hes not there. I'm taking day by day hour by hour. I've taken comfort of all of your kind replies. I'm saddened to say how many of you wonderful people are on here. I'm not sure how to message a few of you or do I just post? I'm particularly grateful for the advice of one individual who's somewhat further down the journey from me. I do now feel there is some hope and slowly things will ease. Your right it's like a bereavement . I do worry about him and still love him so so much but he's done alot of damage to so many family members. I'm waiting on sentencing which will be in the next few weeks. After that I really don't know. One day and thing at a time is my mantra at the moment. Take care all know that your not alone. Others are feeling the same pain