Where do we go from here
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It's been a week since the knock at the door and my partner of 25 years was arrested. I'm really struggling to understand why he did it, although he has denied everything and answered all the questions with no comment. He has been released with no bail conditions but has been removed from the family home with no contact with our daughter. This is really difficult for her as they removed all of the devices in front of her and now she has no contact with her Daddy who up until now has been pretty much her sole carer as I work long hours 4-5 days a week. I feel like the bottom of my world has fallen out and have struggled to cope on my own. Our daughter is school age and is struggling with not being able to see her Daddy. Whilst I'm struggling with the what's next with regards to SS and proving I'm a fit mother for our daughter. My main concern is mental health. I'm having many bad days and feel I can't talk to anyone about this as they won't understand. My parents are not very supportive either or helping with child care when I'm having a really bad day. I'm also struggling to support my partner as he has become so needy as behaves like it's only affecting him.
Also how do you managed financially as I've had to disclose to my employer and they were no sympathetic at all and told me I cannot return to work unless I have absolutely no contact with him. I feel that this is too harsh as my daughter has a right to speak and hopefully in the future see her Daddy. So I've gone overnight from a full time job with a decent salary to potentially nothing. I've already looked at what benefits I would be entitled to and could not afford to either be part time or on benefits. I have no savings since we have recently moved to a bigger house prior to the knock at the door. I really don't know how I'm going to continue living in the family home which is only in my name as my partner is older than me and on a state pension. I also have a car on finance which I don't think I can now afford but I need a car to get our daughter to school as it 7 miles away from home.
I'm really struggling to see any positives at the moment. I'm really hoping that people who have experienced or are currently going through similar thoughts and feelings may be able to help with some advice.
I've already spoken to the helpline but still have so many unanswered questions.
Also how do you managed financially as I've had to disclose to my employer and they were no sympathetic at all and told me I cannot return to work unless I have absolutely no contact with him. I feel that this is too harsh as my daughter has a right to speak and hopefully in the future see her Daddy. So I've gone overnight from a full time job with a decent salary to potentially nothing. I've already looked at what benefits I would be entitled to and could not afford to either be part time or on benefits. I have no savings since we have recently moved to a bigger house prior to the knock at the door. I really don't know how I'm going to continue living in the family home which is only in my name as my partner is older than me and on a state pension. I also have a car on finance which I don't think I can now afford but I need a car to get our daughter to school as it 7 miles away from home.
I'm really struggling to see any positives at the moment. I'm really hoping that people who have experienced or are currently going through similar thoughts and feelings may be able to help with some advice.
I've already spoken to the helpline but still have so many unanswered questions.
The first few weeks are so hard but know that things do get easier. Its been 4months for me now and i feel in a much better place now. Have you seen your gp? If not go and see them they will be able to offer medication if you need it for stress/anxiety/depression or sleep and you can ask if counceling is available in your area. Do work have a employee assistance program?does that offer councelling?. Get signed off work so you dont have to worry about that for a while. If you have employee assistance they will also be able to offer legal advice regarding whether you can continue working. Its worth seeking legal advice on that anyway. But right now take care of yourself, take time to put yourself first even if thats just an hour a day. Dont panic yet, in the first few weeks i had a total panic that i had lost everything but i havent and its not all doom and gloom. Its early days, the panic is overwhelming but just take each day at a time, keep calling the helpline and see the gp. Will he talk to you about it, do you know what hevis accused of. If you are able to talk openly together then do even if is hard to hear. Will the police talk you you about it. Social services will call you soon and that will be a long process.
The most important things are you and your daughter at the moment, I would agree with Marie about seeing your GP as you need to stay healthy for your daughter. You may need no help at the moment but it'll put you on their radar, my GP was amazing, I'm now on anti depressants but it was only about 3 months ago and I'm 8 months down the road from the knock!
Just take each day at a time, try not to make too many huge decisions at the moment, make sure you both get the support you need.
I know it sounds heartless but with your husband neediness, he may have to take a back burner for a little while
Keep coming on this forum, it's fabulous and so helpful. We all understand each other and support as much as we can.
Take care
Tracey xx
Just take each day at a time, try not to make too many huge decisions at the moment, make sure you both get the support you need.
I know it sounds heartless but with your husband neediness, he may have to take a back burner for a little while
Keep coming on this forum, it's fabulous and so helpful. We all understand each other and support as much as we can.
Take care
Tracey xx