How do I accept it?
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It's 9 days since we had that knock on the door that turned our world upside down!
Husband has admitted to watching child pornography online. He was arrested, all devices sized end now he is staying with his parents.
I am at home with my 2 boys aged 8 and 13. I am completely broken. My husband was my soulmate. We met when I was 19 and married at 21. We have had an amazing life together. He was the most amazing husband and dad anyone could ever meet. Nobody can believe this of him least of all me.
I've cried bucket loads of tears and spoke to s telephone counsellor every day. He is deeply ashsmed and sorry for what he has done. He is doing online therapy to get himself over it. I saw him yesterday and I cannot stop loving him or wanting him. I am a support worker who has worked with many offenders including this type. I wish I wasn't so understanding right now it would be much easier to hate him!
How can I come to terms with what he has done to our little family?
I am completely broken ????????
Husband has admitted to watching child pornography online. He was arrested, all devices sized end now he is staying with his parents.
I am at home with my 2 boys aged 8 and 13. I am completely broken. My husband was my soulmate. We met when I was 19 and married at 21. We have had an amazing life together. He was the most amazing husband and dad anyone could ever meet. Nobody can believe this of him least of all me.
I've cried bucket loads of tears and spoke to s telephone counsellor every day. He is deeply ashsmed and sorry for what he has done. He is doing online therapy to get himself over it. I saw him yesterday and I cannot stop loving him or wanting him. I am a support worker who has worked with many offenders including this type. I wish I wasn't so understanding right now it would be much easier to hate him!
How can I come to terms with what he has done to our little family?
I am completely broken ????????
Oh sweetie , So sorry you have joined the club that no one wants to join. You are early days yet so take time , i am only 3mths down the line but it does get a little better. I have chosen to stay with mt hb as he is a great fathet anf hb also my soulmate. The first bit of advice i was given on here was just let the emotions come and take care of you. Second don't make any big changes just yet. Talk to LF and come on here you will get nothing but great support from everyone. If it was not for this forum i don' t think i would be in the place i am now. Go to your GP ifyou need help mine eas very understanding. I also found reading past posts helped and it showed me there is light at the end of the tunnle and i picked up some great tips and advice . Hugs sweetie you got this?
Sorry about typos
I can relate so much to this. It's been 9 days for me too and I haven't seen him since that morning when he brought me breakfast in bed, bathed our son, kissed me goodbye and went to work. I am in shock that my sweet, kind, funny fiancé who I've been with 5 years and has treated me like a Princess could be capable of this. He was the perfect partner and perfect dad and I am beyond heart broken.
My friends and family now hate him, keep calling him a Paedophille and Sicko and I know it's true but I can't stop missing him which I hate myself for. I've been crying myself to sleep every night as I lay in bed alone for the first time in 5 years.
It's so hard to imagine life without him.
My friends and family now hate him, keep calling him a Paedophille and Sicko and I know it's true but I can't stop missing him which I hate myself for. I've been crying myself to sleep every night as I lay in bed alone for the first time in 5 years.
It's so hard to imagine life without him.
Wow girls thank you so so much for your support and honesty.
IJade I'm so sorry to hear you're at the same stage as me...I presume feeling sick to the stomach and still in shock?!
My heart tells me that I can forgive him eventually and we can be a family again but I don't know if that's delusional?! Society forgives and rehabilitates Almost every type of offence... but this. I am not defending this behaviour as it is sick and twisted but I do believe that it is an addiction, a compulsion. He swears to me he has never and would never lay hands on a child and has no physical attraction to children. It's porn that's gone to the far extreme. That's hard for me to get my head around even with my training and work experience but I think it's impossible for most of society.
Amazing to hear stories of relationships who have survived this. If any relationship can then ours can. We were rock solid.... 20 years together and 2 children. He too is my soul mate we met going and married within 2 years.
Whatever happens me and the children have to come first.
Thank you for giving me hope that things will get better. I've lost both my parents in recent years and this feels so similar... Time is the only healer right now.
Much love and strength to all you amazing women xxx
IJade I'm so sorry to hear you're at the same stage as me...I presume feeling sick to the stomach and still in shock?!
My heart tells me that I can forgive him eventually and we can be a family again but I don't know if that's delusional?! Society forgives and rehabilitates Almost every type of offence... but this. I am not defending this behaviour as it is sick and twisted but I do believe that it is an addiction, a compulsion. He swears to me he has never and would never lay hands on a child and has no physical attraction to children. It's porn that's gone to the far extreme. That's hard for me to get my head around even with my training and work experience but I think it's impossible for most of society.
Amazing to hear stories of relationships who have survived this. If any relationship can then ours can. We were rock solid.... 20 years together and 2 children. He too is my soul mate we met going and married within 2 years.
Whatever happens me and the children have to come first.
Thank you for giving me hope that things will get better. I've lost both my parents in recent years and this feels so similar... Time is the only healer right now.
Much love and strength to all you amazing women xxx
Ladies... So sorry to read your posts... I too have stayed with my partner. It's not been easy... Nearly all of his family have disowned him. Can I suggest you both look at the videos Fight The New Drug... Brain.. Heart and World.
This internet site will give you lots of information about porn addiction.. the slippery road to further extreme images because viewers have become desensitized.
I am 2 1/2 years into this nightmare... But it does get easier and u must have full disclosure from your partner if u intend to stay.
Best wishes...
This internet site will give you lots of information about porn addiction.. the slippery road to further extreme images because viewers have become desensitized.
I am 2 1/2 years into this nightmare... But it does get easier and u must have full disclosure from your partner if u intend to stay.
Best wishes...
Keep posting the info Lee1969... x
I met my partner after he had the knock. He told me he was under investigation for child sex offences (online only) within two weeks of Dating. He was very honest with me and remoseful. He was in contact with Lucy faithful foundation and told me his plans for rehabilitation. For me it was enough to stick around to make my mind up to see if we could have a meaningful relationship.
I knew it was going to be tough, tho I admit it was all quite new territory for me. But I was aware that there are different types of offenders and I did some research to see the scientific side and stories of rehabilitation. The repeated offence rate is relatively low and my partner has done so well with the therapy. He had been on and off offending for ten years before he was caught. I had asked him why he didn't seek help and he thought there wasn't anything out there. It is shame it isn't well publised and porn addiction is a growing issue I think.
To those who are going through all this early on just let the emotions flow because it will be a rollercoaster and it will drain you more I think to try to suppress. Do not make big decisions. Get support for yourself and explain to your partners you will need to ask them about it all and to be honest, it is the least they can do for turning your life upside down.
Sending hugs
I knew it was going to be tough, tho I admit it was all quite new territory for me. But I was aware that there are different types of offenders and I did some research to see the scientific side and stories of rehabilitation. The repeated offence rate is relatively low and my partner has done so well with the therapy. He had been on and off offending for ten years before he was caught. I had asked him why he didn't seek help and he thought there wasn't anything out there. It is shame it isn't well publised and porn addiction is a growing issue I think.
To those who are going through all this early on just let the emotions flow because it will be a rollercoaster and it will drain you more I think to try to suppress. Do not make big decisions. Get support for yourself and explain to your partners you will need to ask them about it all and to be honest, it is the least they can do for turning your life upside down.
Sending hugs