some guidence please
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hello everyone
Really happy to find this forum so quickly into this uncovered secret within my family. When I was about 13 my the police came to the house and took our home computers, I honestly didnt even bat an eyelid at the time, I forgot about it untill now - mid twenties. It popped up recently when delving through my past in therapy, also watching the Epstein documentary etc I just became curious, understanding there are only really a few reasons as to why the police would take computers.
Anyway, I decided to bring it up with my sister and my worst thought became a reality, I am living at home at the moment with my parents because of Covid and since I found out (yesterday) I have totally avoided my dad, I actually don't want to look at him. He is my bestfriend, me absolute rock, the only man I thought I could ever fully trust, but now I just feel that has been tarnished.
Just some backround on the situation as it is all the information my sister has, the computers were taken due to suspicions of child porn downloading, my mum obviously was in a state of shock, apparently she has told nobody about it and supposedly they requested an update from the police once and just never heard anything back? (it is now 14years later) my sister tried to speak with my dad once when she at a later time saw porn (adult) in his history but apparently he literally said nothing.
Im torn as to what to do, I feel like I need to know what was found, what category, why was there no preosecution? trial? he clearly wasnt charged because he travels a lot? but maybe there was nothing found? not really sure the level of evidence police have to have to actually come to your hpuse, I am assuming it isnt just one download? I just feel like I need to know more in order to understand and move on but I dont want to put my mum through stress, she will be upset if I know and same with my dad, I dont want to see him but I also don't want our relationship to totally change?
Im just feeling really angry, conflicted and just looking for some guidence. I have read a lot online, some people say absolutely no forgiveness which I get but I feel like I need to know the level of the charge, that I HAVE TO know?
lots of love to you all
Really happy to find this forum so quickly into this uncovered secret within my family. When I was about 13 my the police came to the house and took our home computers, I honestly didnt even bat an eyelid at the time, I forgot about it untill now - mid twenties. It popped up recently when delving through my past in therapy, also watching the Epstein documentary etc I just became curious, understanding there are only really a few reasons as to why the police would take computers.
Anyway, I decided to bring it up with my sister and my worst thought became a reality, I am living at home at the moment with my parents because of Covid and since I found out (yesterday) I have totally avoided my dad, I actually don't want to look at him. He is my bestfriend, me absolute rock, the only man I thought I could ever fully trust, but now I just feel that has been tarnished.
Just some backround on the situation as it is all the information my sister has, the computers were taken due to suspicions of child porn downloading, my mum obviously was in a state of shock, apparently she has told nobody about it and supposedly they requested an update from the police once and just never heard anything back? (it is now 14years later) my sister tried to speak with my dad once when she at a later time saw porn (adult) in his history but apparently he literally said nothing.
Im torn as to what to do, I feel like I need to know what was found, what category, why was there no preosecution? trial? he clearly wasnt charged because he travels a lot? but maybe there was nothing found? not really sure the level of evidence police have to have to actually come to your hpuse, I am assuming it isnt just one download? I just feel like I need to know more in order to understand and move on but I dont want to put my mum through stress, she will be upset if I know and same with my dad, I dont want to see him but I also don't want our relationship to totally change?
Im just feeling really angry, conflicted and just looking for some guidence. I have read a lot online, some people say absolutely no forgiveness which I get but I feel like I need to know the level of the charge, that I HAVE TO know?
lots of love to you all
JaneP, I think you have every right to ask your dad what happened, though of course he may not want to say anything. I can totally understand why you'd want to know. I don't think this is a black and white issue in terms of forgiveness, and I think it's hard to make a decision either way without knowing any of the facts. Fwiw I wouldn't ask your mum as it puts her in the middle, it's between the offender and the family member.
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, but in your place I would want to know. And ideally you can speak to him somewhere where no one can overhear and where you can see him to see his facial expressions (like Zoom).
Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, but in your place I would want to know. And ideally you can speak to him somewhere where no one can overhear and where you can see him to see his facial expressions (like Zoom).
thank you so much for the reply, it is assuring in some sense that there is a place to speak openly as I do not want to talk to my friends or other relatives about it.
I totally agree with you, give it time to see how I process it but I will need to know what the details were. I know a lot of people here have essentially lost someone in their life becuase of this, I mean it kind of is like a loss, my perception of my dad as pretty much changed forever. I will try and be skeptical for now and hope that the situation is not as bad as I fear and will come back to this when I know more. thank you again for your message
I totally agree with you, give it time to see how I process it but I will need to know what the details were. I know a lot of people here have essentially lost someone in their life becuase of this, I mean it kind of is like a loss, my perception of my dad as pretty much changed forever. I will try and be skeptical for now and hope that the situation is not as bad as I fear and will come back to this when I know more. thank you again for your message