Family and Friends Forum

Sorry to hear that you are going through this too. Its a very difficult time especially in the beginning when you are still in shock by the news

When you men defence do you men as in representing them or as in what they say for why they did it?

If its representation my ex was appointed a solictor by the police when arrested who represented him in court.

As in reasons for why they do it i think its indivudal and the defence 1 person puts forwars is different to someone else. My ex pleaded guilty but when asked he would say he had a mental breakdown and doesnt remember that time period and didnt know why he did it.

But a guy i went to school with had learning difficulties and said that he hadnt realised that it was any different to the porn he had been watching.

I think its a very difficult question for anybody to answer but his legal representation should advise him on it.

Hi, i'm one of them parents, i only wish i could express how i feel, 3 years down the line, it was horrific is all i can say but we are still here, god knows how, but things and times do change, yes...others have their opinions, as usual, but i there are so many reasons why peole commit these crimes, i'm here with you, please keep on hsre xx

Court in 3 weeks! Thats a real quick turn around most seem to be bailed for months before court. We had the knock in march and he didnt go to court until august and sentenced in september.

Your emotions will be all over the place for a while and the first few weeks are really difficult with all the unknowns and thr shock of it all.

The hotline is really good to get some support and this forum. Everyone is supportive and theres no judgement.

Please don't think there is nothing you can do. My husband was spared a jail sentence only because of the measures he and family and friends took. (1) collect character references from friends and family - if the judge can hear from multiple sources that this is a good person who has done a totally uncharacteristic thing this will help so much. We had about 20 in the end. (2) get a psychologist report on him to show (hopefully) that he is at low risk of any re offence. (3) get a pre-sentence report (4) get him to attend your local Sex Addicts Anonymous group (4) find a therapist for him to go to to understand why he did this crazy stuff and how he's determined to never do it again (5) install home monitoring like Qustodio on any computer or phone which he has access to so that you can say you are helping provide a safe environment for him (6) get him to sign up for the Lucy Faithfull course and you can sign up for the one for partners and family - even if not all of this has happened by the time he goes for sentencing every bit of it will help. And get a good lawyer!!

I was willing to do all of this because I had a much loved husband of nearly 30 years who was desperately sorry and determined to put it right. You can help, you really can.

Good luck, my heart is with you