Please help his family believe him not my daughter
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My life has turned upside down few weeks ago I was in the garden enjoying the evening with my husband of 6 years and my 13 year old daughter. I spent time in the house cleaning my daughter asked me to take her to bed which is unusual and she became distressed saying she wanted a knife to kill herself, she started pulling her hair out and scratching her face and also tried to jump out the window. Eventually she told me my husband had pulled her top to look at her breasts and tried to kiss her. I instinctively believed her and took the car keys and drove off. It is important to note that in my husband statement and mine we said it had been a nice evening and there had been no arguments but he could not explain why he had not called to check where we had gone he even went to work the next day. He claims in interview I'd got my daughter drink and she was slumped in a chair and perhaps she misinterpreted something. I called the police at my sister within an hour of my daughter disclosing if she had been drunk the police would have taken her off me and my sister would definitely have encouraged me not to call. This narrative of making me out to be a bad parent has meant his family believe his version and have said me and my daughter are troubled and toxic. My daughter also disclosed that he has been kissing her neck for six years and has for the past year been hugging her but feeling her breasts. This was not a one off. This was a man I completely trusted with my daughter. Police keep describing it as low level and it might be difficult to charge him. I don't care if he doesn't go to prison all I want is acknowledgment that my daughter is telling the truth. Any thoughts or advice welcome as my world is one big nightmare. I have btw petitioned for divorce
Oh sweetie what an awful place tobe in. You have done the right thing. I would say the advice you have been given is good. Don't let the police put you off. Stick to your guns. Phone LFF and they will advise you what the next steps are. This is grooming and they are very good at it so forget his family and concentrate on you and yours. You are fantastic mother and for your daughter its important you believe her , you cannot understand how much that will mean , I can tell you that first hand xxxKeep coming on herethe support you get is fantastic. Hugs xxx
You don't what this means to read these reply's I feel I'm constantly questioning myself did he really do these things to my daughter but I keep coming back to the distress she was in that night. I keep going over everything the fact she has been picking her breast for the past year and she had a scab which has now scarred t bought it was just stress of school but now it all makes sense. My daughter had a sexual Independant advisor speak with her and is arranging support. I hold my daughter every night as she said she doesn't want to close her eyes because if she does she remembers. I feel guilt that I have exposed my daughter to a harm I never saw. When I look back he controlled me and I think I've been abused also. As a fairly intelligent woman with a professional job in the criminal justice system ironically I picked my husband because he also had a position which requires a CBR Check. He is out of our lives now but I feel his charm and calm demeanour will hoodwink everyone. All I can is thank you for the words of support as I need strength to get us both through this. ????
Thank you Lost123 its really helpful to hear back from you and others at a time when i feel so alone
Sounds like your daughter has developed dermatillomania (skin picking condition that becomes like a habit). I have the hair pulling version but not from sexual trauma but is a coping mechanism and in my case very hard to manage. I recommend any mental health help she gets she gets the skin picking looked at too to try to make her stop or manage it to reduce scarring. CBT treatment is meant to be good for body focused repetitive behaviours. She was brave to speak out and d I hope she and you get the help you need.
Sending hugs
Sending hugs
Butterfly 12 what an awful time you have had. I totally agree that it just shows what an amazing mum you are, that your daughter confided in you, and you believed her. Please just focus on yourself and your daughter, don't worry about his family. The truth will come out sooner or later I'm sure.
keep reassuring your daughter, and definitely ring LFF to get help and guidance for you both. Sending you lots of love xx
keep reassuring your daughter, and definitely ring LFF to get help and guidance for you both. Sending you lots of love xx
i have got in touch with the GP and he is referring my daughter to CAMS, i was also advised that police are going to rebail him until the 25th Aug which gives me breathing space and a chance to progress the divorce.
i feel like i'm in a nightmare and its happening to someone else however i'm keeping calm and rational, its all the unknown that is so difficult but i guess i have no control over that and have to take it a day at a time.
i still can't believe i loved a man who could do this to my child, i discovered my daughter had wrote in a notebook things she wants to do when she is older, in that she wrote to kiss a boy when i'm 14. to think my 56 year old husband could have taken away this first experience for her and turned it into something dirty and shameful breaks my heart. She has only just turned 13 and even the social worker commented she is a naive and innocent 13 year old, why would anyone do this to a child. This was a man who constantly told me he loved me, we were frequently intimate and now i'm left with the thought that i will never trust another man as long as i live. I'm 44 and can't imagine ever having a relationship again.
i have so much anger, i feel humiliated and ashamed i could have loved such a man, i really have no time or inclination to analyse his behaviour or hypothosise why he behaved this way. i just want justice.
has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did they get through this nightmare ????
i feel like i'm in a nightmare and its happening to someone else however i'm keeping calm and rational, its all the unknown that is so difficult but i guess i have no control over that and have to take it a day at a time.
i still can't believe i loved a man who could do this to my child, i discovered my daughter had wrote in a notebook things she wants to do when she is older, in that she wrote to kiss a boy when i'm 14. to think my 56 year old husband could have taken away this first experience for her and turned it into something dirty and shameful breaks my heart. She has only just turned 13 and even the social worker commented she is a naive and innocent 13 year old, why would anyone do this to a child. This was a man who constantly told me he loved me, we were frequently intimate and now i'm left with the thought that i will never trust another man as long as i live. I'm 44 and can't imagine ever having a relationship again.
i have so much anger, i feel humiliated and ashamed i could have loved such a man, i really have no time or inclination to analyse his behaviour or hypothosise why he behaved this way. i just want justice.
has anyone ever been through anything like this and how did they get through this nightmare ????