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Subo

Member since
June 2020

3 posts

Posted Tue June 16, 2020 5:06pmReport post

Hi all



My situation is a bit different to one's I've read on here hoping someone can help.

I have a 3 year old with my ex. He broke down and told me a few years ago that for a number of years he had been viewing indecent images of pre pubescent children. I left the house in shock and he told me that after I left he called the police as I told him he should. They apparently came round and had a chat with him and told him to try make things up with me. They gave him stopitnow call line too and that was that. Does that sound likely? I thought he would have been arrested or at least had his pc taken or something.



We went on to reconcile and have a child, but separated when she was 1. He has his own place now and he visits here or me and my daughter go there nearly every day. I asked him couple of weeks ago if he had looked at anything similar and he said no he has been really careful and not even watched normal porn.

Now my daughter is 3 he's said he would like to take her on his own and overnight. This would be foolish to allow wouldn't it? It's hard as we have no input or contacts such as SS or anything because of how it happened a few years ago. I've not told anyone else about this and it has been tough.

Subo

Member since
June 2020

3 posts

Posted Tue June 16, 2020 5:10pmReport post

I should add sorry. It was images of nude children, he didn't give details but I got the impression he was careful to find ones from nudist beaches etc. But I'm only going by what he told me obviously, and I presume he told police the same

Luxy

Member since
April 2020

55 posts

Posted Tue June 16, 2020 7:56pmReport post

Hi, I don't have experience in this, but I think it has certainly changed now. I cannot imagine the police not taking it further, but maybe times have changed. You were together I presume, so would know if any further action has been by the police?
did he have any counselling after it, was he sorry and desperate to change, and actively seeking help to stop looking at these sites? Honestly, I would be very wary of letting my daughter stay overnight. However, you know him best, talk to him about your concerns, but ultimately protecting your daughter is the priority here x

VanVan63

Member since
May 2020

21 posts

Posted Tue June 16, 2020 10:16pmReport post

Hi, I can only go by my experience. My son was first arrested in 2015 for IIoc and in my opinion there is no way that the police wouldn't take information like that further. I obviously don't know what he was looking at but I think you'd be taking a risk to let your daughter stay over with him. It's difficult to know how you'd find out if he called the police or not other than by asking them and that's something only you can decide. Will this doubt always be in your mind?



hugs xx

Subo

Member since
June 2020

3 posts

Posted Tue June 16, 2020 10:51pmReport post

Thank you so much for all your replies. I've had a think and it doesn't sit comfortably with me, so going to have a chat with him tomorrow and just tell him that. Hopefully he'll understand.

He didn't have counselling or further police involvement, other than a couple of phone calls to this website line. I do wonder if he played it down to the police, if he even called them, noway to know for definite other than what he told me.

I know he wants to put his past behind him and the fact he told me reflects that. But at the same time my daughters safety has to come first.



Thank you again for all replies it feels good to talk about it and I'm sorry you are all in similar positions xx

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

524 posts

Posted Wed June 17, 2020 4:02pmReport post

Hello forum users,

A post has been removed from this thread as we feel that it is encouraging behaviour that could be against the law. In some circumstances, the authorities might decide that disposing of evidence like deleting images from a device, might constitute a criminal offence. Here are two websites that outline this in greater detail:

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/public-justice-offences-incorporating-charging-standard

https://www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/perverting-the-course-of-justice/



Whilst we understand that a criminal investigation can have a devastating impact on a family and we are dedicated to supporting individuals (and their families) who have committed and/or are being investigated for this type of offence, we are a child protection charity; therefore, protecting children remains the core outcome of all of our services and we do not support the deletion of evidence to avoid police detection.

In reference to the original poster’s query, if an individual has reported to the police that they have been accessing nudist images of children, then the police should be conducting a forensic investigation of all devices owned by the individual. If the individual has contact with children, then typically Children’s Services will be informed. If these two things have not happened and you are unsure about the safety of your child in your ex-partner’s care, then you could follow this up with the police directly to confirm if a report was ever made. Please be mindful that if your ex-partner did not make a report, the police may choose to conduct an investigation.

I hope the information above has been helpful for you. If you would like to talk about it in more detail, you are more than welcome to call our Stop It Now! Helpline (0808 1000 900) and speak to an operator.

anxiousbuthopeful

Member since
May 2020

18 posts

Posted Wed June 17, 2020 7:18pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Fri June 26, 2020 3:41pm