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To see my children again or not?

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Vicky86

Member since
May 2020

21 posts

Posted Wed June 17, 2020 7:21amReport post

Hi everyone,

So our as Involvement came due to my dad having viewed iioc.and him having regular contact. H3 had a very close relationship with both my girls (5 &10) but especially my eldest. The whole situation has totally heartbroken my eldest. Both girls were police interviewed due to the risk ss believed my dad posed and certain past behaviours led me to believe and ss he had groomed them. This has all been terribly difficult not only dealing with the fact my dad has accessed iioc but also as a mum and watching my eldest go thru all the trauma of loosing such a close relationship to being questioned and confused, shes very emotional and we have had lots of demanding to see him ( I'll point out ss and the police found no evidence and reccomend no unsupervised contact whilst he is under investigation. Me and my partner decided no contact till we got our head sorted) dad has now been charged. He hasnt been re arrested or charged at the station he just received a letter detailing his charges and a court summons (unsure if this is because of covid) Anyway it's all 3 cats (no contact and no trying to contact as far as I know) and solicitor said hes probably looking at 3 years.

Have any of u allowed supervised contact, and how have u felt? My eldest is so messed up I'm worried contact will make it worse as the relationship they had will have changed and indont know if that's worse than no contact. I dont know how ill feel him looking at my girls of hugging them.

He misses them terribly but he did say at the very beginning when as said about supervised contact that it was probably just as much to safeguard him aswell as the girls, he made me feel like he believes he is a risk and is trying to prevent himself being in situations. He has admitted he got rid of his internet because he cant trust himself.

I'm finding it really hard to make a decision as I have my feelings as his daughter but also my feelings as the girls mum and they dont always add up.

Will he ever be able to be part of our family as a grandad again?

Mum of 3

Member since
December 2019

57 posts

Posted Thu June 25, 2020 2:42pmReport post

Although hard to hear, it sounds like your Dad is trying to be honest and open by saying he's got rid of the internet etc.

Porn addiction is like any other addiction - he is trying to remove the temptation.

Has he sort any councilling or support to help him with his recovery? If it's an option it is definitely worth finding a specialist in addiction. This will also help his court case aswell as himself and the whole family.

It's a long road ahead for your Dad and your whole family. Decisions often have to be made day to day as feelings can change so quickly and only you can make them with regards to your girls. Have you got someone you could speak to from the girls school who might be able to offer some support/advice/guidance?

Is your daughter mature enough to have a honest conversation with about potentialmy having a relationship with your Dad but whilst also making it clear that there will be changes to how things used to be ie - another adult always being present etc?