Family and Friends Forum

Hi Rainbow

I have stayed with my partner following his arrest and conviction for making (downloading) indecent images of children. He was sentenced to 12 months in prison suspended for 2 years.

One of caveats for me stay was his genuine remorse, disgust and shame in delving into the dark world of the internet. The othe reason's for sticking by him was access to his solicitors report, charges and probation assessment.

I needed to see these things so that I could satisfy my need to see if he was and had been totally honest when he disclosed his offending behaviour.

It was also important for me that his offending had been very limited, by that I mean the amount of images recovered by police... It totalled 5 in number. The police report also showed how long he had used the file sharing application (P2P) which was just under 10 months.

The conviction has been catastrophic for him... Loss of job, loss of all family and loss of most of his friends. He accepts he will never see his adult children or grandchildren again. The ramifications of this particular crime are huge. However quite a few of my family have stood by him... which simply goes to show that people will react in quite bizarre ways when faced with knowledge of this offence.

Finally it was reported quite extensively in the press and nearly all of our neighbours no what my husband has done. The press reports were so far off the truth that I was tempted to make an official complaint... However I was advised that by doing so I would be simply feeding the frenzy and only prolonging the running of the story.

We have not moved, not suffered any abuse or vigilante attacks but are ignored by those living near to us. Personally I can live with that and I don't lose sleep missing the interaction of people who have never been in my shoes.

Always remember... This is your life... Your decision as to stay or leave. And NEVER forget you are not the guilty person... You are not responsible for your partners actions. Best wishes

Hi Rainbow

My husband has been convicted of downloading/viewing images but not sentenced yet, that should be in August. There were 200 catA, 200 catB and 15000 catCProbation have recommended suspended sentence community service and probation meetings. He's been put on the sex offenders register for 10 years. I have stayed, not really in a position to move anyway and our children are adults. They have not spoken to him since he disclosed his conviction and our son hasn't spoken to me either. Our daughter speaks to me.

So far, no publicity.

He previously attempted suicide so is on anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. I have good and bad days. On one level we get on as good friends. I try not to think of the offence too much, it was 3 years ago now and he's tried to change.

Stay or go, it's your decision, only you can know.

Either way, take care xx

Hi.



snowdrop, your last part of your reply on this post has given me so much hope that I won't have to move when my son comes home. I moved before he was convicted which I have regretted at times because if we had stayed put we may not have had any vigilante behaviour.

the fact you stayed put after it went in the paper gives me such hope that it will work for us when our son comes home. Like you, i could live with being ignored so that wouldn't bother me. I just wanted to say thank you x

original poster

im in different position to you. My son commited a communication offence. The 8 images he had were of the girl he had been chatting with so he never went looking for images. Our cases differ because I'm a mother. I didn't have the dilemma whether to stay or go. As a mother I couldn't have nor would have walked away. X