Family and Friends Forum

Hi I can’t offer lots of support as only had the knock 5 days ago! But want to say your not alone. I also wish I could turn back time and have the Christmas I was hoping for watching cartoons with my husband and daughter. But instead we are at my sisters house and I have to make out that we have just separated when in truth we weren’t even arguing. I thought we had a happy life.

So your not alone, your really not. My husband has been invited to come over tomorrow to see my daughter open her presents but like you it can’t just be supervised by just me. There needs to be an extra adult.

i will be thinking of everyone in the same situation tomorrow, and despite how isolating this situation is. I am greatly for this forum.

So your not alone, hope you and your children can find some Christmas magic and the day is not as bad as you expect.

i feel your pain at this time.

Bethlou

It's a terrible time of year for the lovely people on this forum who I'm coming to regard as my friends even though we have never met and maybe never will!

I'm 8 months since the knock and my boys are both adults so I don't have that extra worry that you do, please be kind to yourself and take the time you need to try to comprehend everything that's happened. It's not easy, I'm still not there but you will get stronger and the shock becomes less.

Try and have a lovely day with your little ones and remember you're not alone, we're here if you need us.

Lots of love xx

It’s 4am here in USA and am also wide awake. Just needed to check in with you all. To know you are there. Christmas heightens everything and I can only imagine how extra painful this is for those of you with young children. Thinking of you all. More later xxxPaula xxx

Sorry ivenever posted before so please be patient....

My knock came nearly 5 weeks ago. My husband got sentenced on Wed.

Since then it has been on social media. Came online on Saturday .He has been threatened. I've been threatened n my young children have been threatened. We had to stay in a hotel for two nights telling the children it was a surprise but had to come home for Santa. Bloody santa..... Living in fear with all Windows covered. Police /SW been pretty hopeless as it's "Christmas" .......Scared, lonely and v v sad.

Today is so terribly difficult for everyone in this club of ours.

Here's to you all getting through it in your own way as best you can.

And remember you're not alone. Not by a long chalk.

Thank you to everyone on the forum who's helped me during this horrible time. Happy Christmas to all the posters and all the lurkers who haven't posted yet.

We are all of us very brave I reckon and let's hope that some Christmas blessings fall on us.

Lots of Love

Hope xxxxxxxxxx

Hi all, just Checking in thinking of you all.

just spent a few hours round my parents whilst my husband sits alone in the shame and guilt, felt bad but I felt a selfish moment was due. Right now I have it in my head that 2019 is going to be the worst year in my life, but by this time next year hoping it’ll be over and what ever happens I’ll be over the worst and moving on.

hugs to you all xxxxx

E I feel exactly the same. My husband is alone and I am with my daughter and sister ( who doesn’t have a clue what is going on)

i also wanted to check in and send my love , the people on the forum know more than my family and friends at this point, and that is so special.

wish 2019 brings a stronger sense of us.

Beth lou

xxx

Merry christmas to you all. I hope you all managed to have a nice day despite the difficult situation and emotions.

I am in the exact same boat. The knock on my door came 6 days ago now. I'm confused about it all. Have dreaded christmas day for all the plans I had made for it- we have 2 sons, one of whom is only 8 weeks old and I had this happy family Christmas organised in my head.

Just trying to reassure myself that next christmas can be nowhere near as bad as this!!

Well Christmas has come and gone and you’re through the other side. I had a tragic family bereavement the year before ‘the knock’ and I got through Christmas by telling myself it was just an ordinary day with a nice dinner to look forward to with my family (what was left of it) There were no young children in my house so my husband didn’t have to move out. My heart breaks for you all with children and the difficult choices you’ll be forced to make.

Sad Sad that happened so fast for you! Your head must be spinning! I’ve heard of swift justice but that’s just too fast to take it all in. 5 weeks from arrest to sentence (I hope I’ve got that right?)

The house got raised 20th nov. He was kept in custody overnight and pleaded guilty without talking to anyone on 21st nov.

Sentencing on 19th Dec . Vigilantes and everyone with an opinion knocking my door, writing vile things on fb , letters posted through my door since! I'm scared,upset,alone and fearing for my children. Everywhere is closed. Been told will only get rehoused if someone actually attacks us...

Give up

Oh SadSad.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's all happened so quickly for you so you haven't had any time to reflect.

I think the vigilante part is something we all dread as we're innocent yet could get dragged into it with people who think we must have known.

Try ringing the helpline, it really will help you and remember we're all here with woods of comfort and virtual hugs.

Take care xx

Sad Sad that is an horrendous situation you’ve been thrown into. I’m stunned that society throws innocents like you under the bus through absolutely no fault of your own. This cannot be right and the injustice burns me up. What bothers me is that the authorities leave families to rot under the festering, misinformed, pitchfork waving, losers on Facebook and their like. So, so sorry for you. Please keep coming here and speak to the helpline staff who sound pretty amazing.

Hi Jaded totally agree with you,well said, something really needs to be done to help us all, this internet offending is growing and leaving a whole lot of families fearing for there lives and virtually becoming prisoners in their own homes, and that's what we're told until someone actually attacks you there's nothing they can do,terrible, yet they give murderers a new identity, let's hope something like this happens to a vigilantes family xx

Thank you Nonna. For what my view is worth I think family members of offenders need protection under discrimination laws. Any threats or assaults should be recorded as a hate crime. We should have protected status in law both criminal and civil law. This is

not our crime.

....and it’s about time someone in authority stood up for us and campaigned on our behalf. Also supporting an alleged offender or convicted offender does not mean condoning, encouraging or participating in the behaviour, in fact it’s been shown to reduce repeat offending and risk. Of course with the clear caveat that children are first priority. I’m sick of being treated worse that the person alleged to have committed the crime and apologising for even being alive! Women (it’s mostly women, apologies to the male member of this forum) are keeping families together and children safe and yet are punished for it.

You’re right Nonna that there is a massive increase in this type of offending behaviour and more innocent families being dragged into the nightmare.



I was viewed as either a mug or a mug or a demon. I’m neither.

Sad sad.. my heart is actually breaking for you.. our knock was on 18th dec.. my son.. kept overnight. Pleaded guilty.. magistrate nxt day.. bailed.. not to home.. up in crown middle of jan.. no time to do anything with xmas.everywhere is shut.. praying to the lord theres a big court case in another room on the dreaded day.. .. oh the joys of being an innocent person with all the yob culture around.. .. im scared and frightened. Xx

I've actually removed myself from the house with my boys n my husband.I'm awa y to the seaside for 4 nights . I'm so exhausted n cannot listen/cope with anymore. I just want to feel safe and free even if only for a couple of days.

My husband was charged with sexually messaging a 13 year old .Once! He also sent an image but had his underwear on. Nothing else was found. No images. No other conversations . Nothing. He had been on a chat room wanting to speak to other women. And had been speAking to other women !Betraying me basically. He is severely dyslexic and whilst I DO NOT condone what he has done,no-one took this into account.And he was so distressed he refused a solicitor.Hence the quickness...

Our lives have changed dramatically. I have only had time to think about my boys... Not my marriage. I'm looking at moving so at least the threats will stop. Hopefully getting back to work. I need the money and the distraction . And then .... Who knows....

Last night some coward posted a Christmas card. Let's just say it wasn't easy reading. vile ! Distressing ! Another call to the police.Told they can do nothing.

I hope that whoever you are, this does not happen to you. I pray people will learn some compassion and think before they act. We are innocent but suffering. It can only get better. Be strong n thank you for your kind words x

Stardust..... How did other people find out ? How do your children cope?has anyone made comments to them ?

I feel I can't put my kids back to the same school. Small village . Small minds in afraid.

Jono1 ....please try n not be afraid.

Through my experience,and only my experience, please be ready for the media. I feel I have been very naive. I wish I had thought the worst and acted on it so that when the news broke i had been prepared. I wasn't ! And because of the holidays I've had no support.



I hope you have a friend you can confide in who will help you x