World turned upside down!
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A few weeks ago my world was changed forever with a phone call from a family member.
My Dad had been in court for IIOC Cat a, b and c. He had got the knock well over a year ago but as we live away hadn't told us (part due to shame and knowing the heartache it will cause). He felt he was protecting us from his crime. He pleaded guilty and is back to court soon for sentencing!
i love my dad and am totally shocked that he has done this. He is a very private person and lost my mum a few years before he started down this dark route, he said he just came across it after being a habitual watcher of adult porn. I think he became very isolated after her death (not that that is an excuse) when all the friends that said they would go round, stay in touch etc faded away and not being the type to reach out for help, spent more time in the early hours etc on his computer.
I want to support my dad, get him the help that he needs and have him in our future, My husband on the other hand at the moment doesn't and can't see past his crime. Anybody else been in this situation that could give advice?
My Dad had been in court for IIOC Cat a, b and c. He had got the knock well over a year ago but as we live away hadn't told us (part due to shame and knowing the heartache it will cause). He felt he was protecting us from his crime. He pleaded guilty and is back to court soon for sentencing!
i love my dad and am totally shocked that he has done this. He is a very private person and lost my mum a few years before he started down this dark route, he said he just came across it after being a habitual watcher of adult porn. I think he became very isolated after her death (not that that is an excuse) when all the friends that said they would go round, stay in touch etc faded away and not being the type to reach out for help, spent more time in the early hours etc on his computer.
I want to support my dad, get him the help that he needs and have him in our future, My husband on the other hand at the moment doesn't and can't see past his crime. Anybody else been in this situation that could give advice?
Hiya
I'm so very sorry you've had your World turned upside down by your dad. I can't imagine how that must feel. Your husband is probably feeling protective over your children he doesn't have the same bond and relationship you feel with your dad. All I can think its all very raw and early for you and your husband to make any long term decisions. You both need time to come to terms and make sense of all this madness that's come into your life. At the moment I'm taking things day by day (my bf is awaiting a decision from cps) you don't have to decide anything now. Iv put the relationship on hold until I know the outcome of what your facing. You can always have a relationship with your dad thats entirely up to you but due to the nature of the case not everyone is going to be supportive and understanding about it. I hope you find some strength and calm in all of this. Look after yourself x
I'm so very sorry you've had your World turned upside down by your dad. I can't imagine how that must feel. Your husband is probably feeling protective over your children he doesn't have the same bond and relationship you feel with your dad. All I can think its all very raw and early for you and your husband to make any long term decisions. You both need time to come to terms and make sense of all this madness that's come into your life. At the moment I'm taking things day by day (my bf is awaiting a decision from cps) you don't have to decide anything now. Iv put the relationship on hold until I know the outcome of what your facing. You can always have a relationship with your dad thats entirely up to you but due to the nature of the case not everyone is going to be supportive and understanding about it. I hope you find some strength and calm in all of this. Look after yourself x
Welcome and I am sorry for what you're going through. You are not alone.
I don't know how you are feeling as a daughter (it was my partner who was arrested) but I thought I would share some of the advice I received.
Firstly, you can't change how your partner feels but he also needs to respect how you feel. He is your dad and it is your choice to support him.
Secondly, time is a healer. Emotions are running high at the moment and things will settle. They might not go back to normal, but they will calm down.
Lastly, reach out to someone. Whether it is this group, the helpline or a trusted friend. Talking can help. I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of others.
I am sorry I can't give better advice. I'm still going through it myself and learning everyday.
Hugs x
I don't know how you are feeling as a daughter (it was my partner who was arrested) but I thought I would share some of the advice I received.
Firstly, you can't change how your partner feels but he also needs to respect how you feel. He is your dad and it is your choice to support him.
Secondly, time is a healer. Emotions are running high at the moment and things will settle. They might not go back to normal, but they will calm down.
Lastly, reach out to someone. Whether it is this group, the helpline or a trusted friend. Talking can help. I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of others.
I am sorry I can't give better advice. I'm still going through it myself and learning everyday.
Hugs x
I am in a very similar situation to you! It is so awful, my partner and I are planning our wedding at the moment, and we have talked about our future children, he doesn't want anything to do with my dad, and said he would not be happy with our future children seeing him, I don't really know how I feel about it yet, but it is hard to imagine a future where that is the case, to me he was always a loving father!
I feel like it is ruining my life!
I feel like it is ruining my life!
Thank you, your words mean a lot.
We all just have to take one step at a time on our journeys. From what I have read, a majority of these men are not monsters. They are good men that have made a bad choice. Unfortunately though the repercussions are life changing for all involved as relationships, whether you stay and support or walk away, change forever.
x
We all just have to take one step at a time on our journeys. From what I have read, a majority of these men are not monsters. They are good men that have made a bad choice. Unfortunately though the repercussions are life changing for all involved as relationships, whether you stay and support or walk away, change forever.
x