Problem
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The knock came April 2019. The interview October 2019. Between the know and the interview my husband lied to me saying someone of our lodgers must have used the computer ( it was unlocked). Then he told me it was him. I was angry and upset but told him I would stay with him and support him. Now more than a year later he is facing magistrate court in August. I have written a statement for him saying how he support me physically (I am disabled).
But, this is a big but. He refuse to talk about the future. He refuse to tell his elderly mum. ( they have a joint bank account and he needs to get out of that). I am sure she will be more upset if she finds out later. I believe it is almost best to be honest as soon as possible.
He gets angry with me all the time when I try to talk to him about the future. I am in contact with our grandchildren, he is not. I told my son. He has not told his daughter.
I can not live like this any longer. I have come across more lies from him recently ( not related to the crime). Over the last couple of months I have found it more and more difficult to coop with the situation (lockdown does not help). So I have now decided to withdraw my support. He don't want my help so why bother? So please help me, how do I end our marriage now? We are still in lockdown. I can't see any other possibilities.
I get upset and cry and he tells me to stop because he can't handle my sadness. How can I not be sad, we have lost all the good relationship we had with mine and his kids and our grandchildren.
I think I will be ok on my own. I might need home care but I will not be stressed by his behaviour any longer.
please advise
But, this is a big but. He refuse to talk about the future. He refuse to tell his elderly mum. ( they have a joint bank account and he needs to get out of that). I am sure she will be more upset if she finds out later. I believe it is almost best to be honest as soon as possible.
He gets angry with me all the time when I try to talk to him about the future. I am in contact with our grandchildren, he is not. I told my son. He has not told his daughter.
I can not live like this any longer. I have come across more lies from him recently ( not related to the crime). Over the last couple of months I have found it more and more difficult to coop with the situation (lockdown does not help). So I have now decided to withdraw my support. He don't want my help so why bother? So please help me, how do I end our marriage now? We are still in lockdown. I can't see any other possibilities.
I get upset and cry and he tells me to stop because he can't handle my sadness. How can I not be sad, we have lost all the good relationship we had with mine and his kids and our grandchildren.
I think I will be ok on my own. I might need home care but I will not be stressed by his behaviour any longer.
please advise
Hi lis,
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through lovely. I remember speaking to you on another post weeks ago. I told you I am a support worker and suggested you urgently get yourself a social worker to be assessed for care and support away from your husband. Regardless of whether you choose to forgive him or not... You need your own support so your decision is based on choice and not your dependency on him.
It sounds like he is not accepting what he has done is wrong and is in denial. You can't help him until he's ready to face up to things. This will go against him in court too so maybe that can be his motivating factor? Is he working with stop it now helpline? Why don't you call them for advice on how to encourage him to engage.
This is a tough process for us all in lots of different ways.
Take care of yourself.. Sending you love and strength xxxx
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through lovely. I remember speaking to you on another post weeks ago. I told you I am a support worker and suggested you urgently get yourself a social worker to be assessed for care and support away from your husband. Regardless of whether you choose to forgive him or not... You need your own support so your decision is based on choice and not your dependency on him.
It sounds like he is not accepting what he has done is wrong and is in denial. You can't help him until he's ready to face up to things. This will go against him in court too so maybe that can be his motivating factor? Is he working with stop it now helpline? Why don't you call them for advice on how to encourage him to engage.
This is a tough process for us all in lots of different ways.
Take care of yourself.. Sending you love and strength xxxx
Thank you. but ..... it is still so hard