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How do you come to terms with the lies

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Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Wed December 26, 2018 9:46pmReport post

i loved my partner we were together a long time, I felt content and safe in the relationship. How do you deal with the lies. The mixed emotions.

I know it’s only been 6 days for me, but I am questioning everything we had that was good.

He was my best friend. I know it’s going to be hard to break away.

also is it mental health. Are these men two different people?

is it a self esteem identity issie.

i just want to know that the last years of my life was not a complete lie. I have not known secrecy like this before.



hope this makes sense, I am typing on my phone ( as obviously all are technology was taken) .

As I have said in other posts I am quite private. You all are amazing. And one thing posting helps with is not reaching out to my ex partner ( ex of six days) it’s unreal!



love to you all



Beth Lou.

Edited by moderator Wed February 6, 2019 10:23am

Maria

Member since
September 2018

286 posts

Posted Wed December 26, 2018 10:29pmReport post

I felt like that. I dont think the last few years of your life was a lie, you experienced those lovely things and shared those special moments, if you felt it then it was real. Even if the relationship is over it doesnt mean the past was a lie. Its hard to come to terms with the lies and deceit, ive asked on here before why did they do it, its madness and shocking they damage their lives and their families with these crimes. I feel im talking about a stranger not my partner when i talk about all this. Its a difficult one isnt it. I believe my partner is a good person, he has a porn/chat addiction. There are no images in my partners situation its a sexual communication. At the start i was confused and just couldnt understand why. We have talked and cried together and are starting to understand the how and why. We are both getting help. I think mental health can play a part and it looks like it often does. Be kind to yourself, this is not our fault and we may never know all the whys.

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Thu December 27, 2018 8:00amReport post

Maria, Thanks so much for responding it means a lot. It’s crazy making and I suppose it’s early days. I am trying to be kind to myself and my daughter. This community are so kind. I think your right it’s very complicated and I may never get the answers. He was stupid because his life had changed forever now too.

It means so much to have this forum.thanks so much for the responses it’s giving me a bit of hope x

Don’t know what to do

Member since
February 2024

14 posts

Posted Sat February 24, 2024 8:23amReport post

Hello, can I ask how you are now? I'm in the same place, 6 days in and life seems unreal. x

rainyday52

Member since
April 2023

448 posts

Posted Sat February 24, 2024 9:05amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sat February 24, 2024 9:37pm

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2403 posts

Posted Sat February 24, 2024 12:43pmReport post

Beth Lou x

Sending huge hugs x it's still such early days hun so just try to be kind to yourself,

You dont need to make any decisions yet, do you have some support?

How is your OH? It's a huge shock and the uncertainty your emotions will be all over the place

This is not the whole of him and for whatever reasons you have ended up here,

Your life hasn't been a lie you have a strong relationship before this journey

We all diddnt want to ever imagine we would be here but so many of us are , for me it's my son who offended

There is no right or wrong to stay or leave only you can make that decision but just allow some time to pass , seek help and support as that is so so important

Reach out to us here as we all understand how you are feeling xx

AnxiousGirl

Member since
December 2023

222 posts

Posted Sat February 24, 2024 2:12pmReport post

Took me a long time to make the decision to leave. Other stuff came out which made me realise I no longer trusted him. Looking back there has been other stuff not least me feeling that looking at porn is so disrespectful despite what excuses he gave. But that's just my decision.

Life feels over

Member since
September 2022

412 posts

Posted Sat February 24, 2024 4:44pmReport post

The original post was 2018 x