Feeling sad and lost
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Hello
I last posted bk in feb about my fiance not telling his family and generally feeling like I am the only one.
The knock happened feb last year, he was charged in Sept last year and he was finally sentenced last Wednesday......he had been holding onto the hope that he may get a suspended sentence but it was not to be.
He got 3years out in 18mths if all goes well inside. For making and taking of images, with being on the sor for life.
I am still in so much shock about him going inside and I am trying to keep it together for my 17mth old which is hard when I notice him missing his dad.
He had supervised contact only and couldnt stay over night but he was always round early in the morning to help with family life.
I have a supportive family on both sides and some good friends that want to support me in whatever decision I make, and some friends that say i should get rid of him as he is a monster and have said they cant be friends if I stay with him or have him in our lives. I still see the good in him and know the background as to why and how it happened as i said he had to be completely honest with me. He started to get therapy before he went in, and he will be able to continue this inside as recommended.
I need to find out what social services would do if we stay together once he gets out.....does anyone know? I know I will always want him in our lives but I am worried ss would take my bubba away from me for staying with his dad.
Just so confused and sorting out Bill's into my name as everything apart from our mortgage and council tax was in his name x
I last posted bk in feb about my fiance not telling his family and generally feeling like I am the only one.
The knock happened feb last year, he was charged in Sept last year and he was finally sentenced last Wednesday......he had been holding onto the hope that he may get a suspended sentence but it was not to be.
He got 3years out in 18mths if all goes well inside. For making and taking of images, with being on the sor for life.
I am still in so much shock about him going inside and I am trying to keep it together for my 17mth old which is hard when I notice him missing his dad.
He had supervised contact only and couldnt stay over night but he was always round early in the morning to help with family life.
I have a supportive family on both sides and some good friends that want to support me in whatever decision I make, and some friends that say i should get rid of him as he is a monster and have said they cant be friends if I stay with him or have him in our lives. I still see the good in him and know the background as to why and how it happened as i said he had to be completely honest with me. He started to get therapy before he went in, and he will be able to continue this inside as recommended.
I need to find out what social services would do if we stay together once he gets out.....does anyone know? I know I will always want him in our lives but I am worried ss would take my bubba away from me for staying with his dad.
Just so confused and sorting out Bill's into my name as everything apart from our mortgage and council tax was in his name x
Hi Spider81,
I understand that this must be a difficult situation for you to cope with, so it is positive that you are using this forum as a source of support. We have noticed that your post has not received any replies. Hopefully other users in a similar situation may be able to reply but I will provide some more general advice in the meantime.
It is positive to hear that you have supportive family members and friends that you can speak with about the situation. I would also advise you to consider seeking support from your GP if you are struggling to cope as they are best placed to provide general help around any mental health or wellbeing concerns. I would also encourage you to phone us on our anonymous and confidential Stop it Now! Helpline (0808 1000 900) where you will be able to discuss your concerns in more detail with an operator. You may also wish to encourage your partner to call us upon his release, so that he can receive any relevant support.
In terms of your question regarding Social Services, it would be common practice for them to conduct a risk assessment so that well-informed and updated decisions can be made around your family’s safety. Decisions can also depend on any plans you have in place with Social Services that you and your family are working towards if this is relevant. If not, it would be worth having a conversation with them about what would help to reduce your partners risk, so that you have steps that you are able to work towards. This might include doing some work with them, having an assessment or going on a course.
I would also recommend that you have a look at our Parents Protect website which you can find here: https://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/. This website provides information and child sexual abuse and includes a learning programme for parents. There are also other resources, like a family safety plan which you might want to complete with your partner to demonstrate you understand the potential risks and what you might do to mitigate against them.
I hope this information has been helpful.
Kind regards
Lucy
I understand that this must be a difficult situation for you to cope with, so it is positive that you are using this forum as a source of support. We have noticed that your post has not received any replies. Hopefully other users in a similar situation may be able to reply but I will provide some more general advice in the meantime.
It is positive to hear that you have supportive family members and friends that you can speak with about the situation. I would also advise you to consider seeking support from your GP if you are struggling to cope as they are best placed to provide general help around any mental health or wellbeing concerns. I would also encourage you to phone us on our anonymous and confidential Stop it Now! Helpline (0808 1000 900) where you will be able to discuss your concerns in more detail with an operator. You may also wish to encourage your partner to call us upon his release, so that he can receive any relevant support.
In terms of your question regarding Social Services, it would be common practice for them to conduct a risk assessment so that well-informed and updated decisions can be made around your family’s safety. Decisions can also depend on any plans you have in place with Social Services that you and your family are working towards if this is relevant. If not, it would be worth having a conversation with them about what would help to reduce your partners risk, so that you have steps that you are able to work towards. This might include doing some work with them, having an assessment or going on a course.
I would also recommend that you have a look at our Parents Protect website which you can find here: https://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/. This website provides information and child sexual abuse and includes a learning programme for parents. There are also other resources, like a family safety plan which you might want to complete with your partner to demonstrate you understand the potential risks and what you might do to mitigate against them.
I hope this information has been helpful.
Kind regards
Lucy