Delays are destroying
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We were waiting for the cps decision last week but due to a backlog of cases this has now led to an extension of the investigation till October. Has anyone else had this?
Bf and I are barely talking now. He's very angry and taking his moods out on me saying I don't understand how this has ruined his life etc.
This is making me ill. I don't know how much more I can take. I understand there's been covid but someone could take their life with the angst of it all. I'm so drained and iv found I'm just in a daze all the time.
Can anyone give me their experience from the knock on the door to the outcome roughly what the time frame was? It would be interesting to know. Then from the charge how swift are things likely to or not go?
Yaz X
We were waiting for the cps decision last week but due to a backlog of cases this has now led to an extension of the investigation till October. Has anyone else had this?
Bf and I are barely talking now. He's very angry and taking his moods out on me saying I don't understand how this has ruined his life etc.
This is making me ill. I don't know how much more I can take. I understand there's been covid but someone could take their life with the angst of it all. I'm so drained and iv found I'm just in a daze all the time.
Can anyone give me their experience from the knock on the door to the outcome roughly what the time frame was? It would be interesting to know. Then from the charge how swift are things likely to or not go?
Yaz X
Hi Lee
Thank you for reading. It's horrendous isn't it and I know it's something he may do if pushed. He's took alot of this out on me and iv took it to be honest as I know he's frightened and got no one else to turn to. and your right none of this is my fault. He can't seem to appreciate where I'm coming from which is making my decision easier to just walk away.
Iv distanced myself for the time being and keeping busy with my life. Iv got to live too. And function. Your right though if he wants me in his life like your husband did he needs to be grateful I'm sticking by him and understand there are consequences to all of this mess he's put us in.
I hope your okay and your rebuilding your life
Yaz x
Thank you for reading. It's horrendous isn't it and I know it's something he may do if pushed. He's took alot of this out on me and iv took it to be honest as I know he's frightened and got no one else to turn to. and your right none of this is my fault. He can't seem to appreciate where I'm coming from which is making my decision easier to just walk away.
Iv distanced myself for the time being and keeping busy with my life. Iv got to live too. And function. Your right though if he wants me in his life like your husband did he needs to be grateful I'm sticking by him and understand there are consequences to all of this mess he's put us in.
I hope your okay and your rebuilding your life
Yaz x
Hi yaz
It is not fair that he is taking it out on you. I can understand that he is frightened but he needs to learn how to channel that effectively, I would say mostly by not focusing on the unknown and what ifs and more on rehabilitation. Has he sought help to prevent reoffending and learning how to take responsibility for his actions? My partner benefited from the inform course, he told me it helped him snap out of the delusion that what he was doing wasn't really that harmful to the victims etc.
Personally I feel to stick by someone who is an offender they have to allow for give and take, that they need to be open and accept you will have questions, concerns and at times space. I stay with my partner because he will listen to me when I have questions when ever I need answers. He doesn't get angry since he knows the communication and trust is what is keeping us together.
Maybe speak to LF faithful on how best to approach this with your partner. Find a time when you are both free and calm to run through how you feel.
Time scale wise I assume he has had a final interview and that is why you are waiting for the charges next? If so the delays seem longer than we experienced so can't really say what to expect next. I hope for your sakes it is sooner than Oct and that oct was a worst case deadline they gave you.
Sending hugs
It is not fair that he is taking it out on you. I can understand that he is frightened but he needs to learn how to channel that effectively, I would say mostly by not focusing on the unknown and what ifs and more on rehabilitation. Has he sought help to prevent reoffending and learning how to take responsibility for his actions? My partner benefited from the inform course, he told me it helped him snap out of the delusion that what he was doing wasn't really that harmful to the victims etc.
Personally I feel to stick by someone who is an offender they have to allow for give and take, that they need to be open and accept you will have questions, concerns and at times space. I stay with my partner because he will listen to me when I have questions when ever I need answers. He doesn't get angry since he knows the communication and trust is what is keeping us together.
Maybe speak to LF faithful on how best to approach this with your partner. Find a time when you are both free and calm to run through how you feel.
Time scale wise I assume he has had a final interview and that is why you are waiting for the charges next? If so the delays seem longer than we experienced so can't really say what to expect next. I hope for your sakes it is sooner than Oct and that oct was a worst case deadline they gave you.
Sending hugs
Hi majestic thank you for reading and responding. I don't know if you saw my original post regarding the circumstances of his accusation. That will explain a bit further.
In regards to rehabilitation he has took that on straight away and has been seeing a Councillor too so he's doing the right things to help go in his favour. He's on a course for offenders.
Any questions i have he takes it as Im disbelieving him and he gets very defensive we end up rowing and he goes one way I go the other. There is no communication there whatsoever. I feel like I can't ask anything because he gets that irrate with me then I'm made to feel guilty for it. Iv tried remaining calm, not to come across judgemental to try and understand the situation but we are so far disconnected now I don't see a way back. If he is innocent like he claims I feel so guilty for doubting him. But I struggle to communicate with him. I can't confide in anyone as he's terrified of this getting out in the local area.
I'd rather if he did it he just own up to me so I can make a choice. But he stands by his story.
I'm hoping the same too this decision will be before Oct. He's only had questioning once. No arrest no charge. Just told they will be in touch when they are ready with the cos decision.
I just wish this whole nightmare would disappear I wouldn't wish it on anyone x
In regards to rehabilitation he has took that on straight away and has been seeing a Councillor too so he's doing the right things to help go in his favour. He's on a course for offenders.
Any questions i have he takes it as Im disbelieving him and he gets very defensive we end up rowing and he goes one way I go the other. There is no communication there whatsoever. I feel like I can't ask anything because he gets that irrate with me then I'm made to feel guilty for it. Iv tried remaining calm, not to come across judgemental to try and understand the situation but we are so far disconnected now I don't see a way back. If he is innocent like he claims I feel so guilty for doubting him. But I struggle to communicate with him. I can't confide in anyone as he's terrified of this getting out in the local area.
I'd rather if he did it he just own up to me so I can make a choice. But he stands by his story.
I'm hoping the same too this decision will be before Oct. He's only had questioning once. No arrest no charge. Just told they will be in touch when they are ready with the cos decision.
I just wish this whole nightmare would disappear I wouldn't wish it on anyone x
Hi Lee
I absolutely don't think your being harsh it's only what I have been asking myself so please don't worry. It's just so lovely to have someone to speak to.
He's taken the course and the councilling as his lawyer has said this will go in his favour in reducing the sentence for him. I myself have asked why you would plead guilty if your not and He's said he's got no way of proving that someone else has used the computer involved. So iv got his word and that's it. Iv asked the police and they arnt at liberty to say anything to me. So hense this is why I'm torn. Do I believe the man who I fell for or has he spun me along all along. As part of going forward I'm going to demand to see all reports of everything so I know what's what's and if there is any doubt then that's a major red flag. It would be so easy for me to call it time now as I don't need the stress but I just worry for his mental state. I'm lucky I'm a strong person iv picked myself up on this I don't think he would be as lucky. It's the future I worry about also. He has a young daughter and I know it will be a SS issue for a long time to come. I also worry I won't be able to have my own children with all of this looking over. Just roll on October then I can hopefully move forward. I'm so glad your husband respects you and did everything needed to help your relationship. May I ask did it come out in the media in your case? I'm worried sick about that too if I'm honest. I'm so grateful were not wed or live together yet.
Yaz x
I absolutely don't think your being harsh it's only what I have been asking myself so please don't worry. It's just so lovely to have someone to speak to.
He's taken the course and the councilling as his lawyer has said this will go in his favour in reducing the sentence for him. I myself have asked why you would plead guilty if your not and He's said he's got no way of proving that someone else has used the computer involved. So iv got his word and that's it. Iv asked the police and they arnt at liberty to say anything to me. So hense this is why I'm torn. Do I believe the man who I fell for or has he spun me along all along. As part of going forward I'm going to demand to see all reports of everything so I know what's what's and if there is any doubt then that's a major red flag. It would be so easy for me to call it time now as I don't need the stress but I just worry for his mental state. I'm lucky I'm a strong person iv picked myself up on this I don't think he would be as lucky. It's the future I worry about also. He has a young daughter and I know it will be a SS issue for a long time to come. I also worry I won't be able to have my own children with all of this looking over. Just roll on October then I can hopefully move forward. I'm so glad your husband respects you and did everything needed to help your relationship. May I ask did it come out in the media in your case? I'm worried sick about that too if I'm honest. I'm so grateful were not wed or live together yet.
Yaz x
Your right it does follow for the rest of their lives. He sees no way of being able to proving his innocence. If he pleads guilty which he's been advised to do he will receive a lesser sentence.That's the advice of the lawyer. Its insane he's going ahead with it. I'm struggling to come to terms that he's having to do that. He says he won't survive prison and will do what's advised to limit that risk . I worry for his daughter and the future when she finds out about it. She might not want to know her dad after this. The sex offenders register. How long will that be for? Will he have to tell his employer afterwards? The punishment is not just the police and court its the aftermath too and its punishment for those around.