Pressure from social services
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For some reason, my partner has been allowed to stay home since the knock (about 4 months ago). SS has pressured me to kick him out every time they talk to me, and now it's ramping up because the police have described some of the evidence and they feel the risk is higher to our 6 yo (fwiw partner says he would never physically abuse a child).
The safety plan is intense but I'm following it. It just feels like 90% of the stress from this is coming from SS. I understand where they're coming from, but it's making it much worse for me (we've been able to shield our 6 year old so far). He has no family to live with and we can't really afford to run two households, buy a second car, etc., though I suppose we will have to do it anyway.
I guess I'm just looking for a bit of encouragement that I and our child will get through this, whatever happens with my relationship with my partner, and that it isn't wrong to want to stay with him if that's what I decide. I know a lot of you have, but he's downloaded a lot more than a few images. :( And then what will be the impact on our child when he moves out...?
The safety plan is intense but I'm following it. It just feels like 90% of the stress from this is coming from SS. I understand where they're coming from, but it's making it much worse for me (we've been able to shield our 6 year old so far). He has no family to live with and we can't really afford to run two households, buy a second car, etc., though I suppose we will have to do it anyway.
I guess I'm just looking for a bit of encouragement that I and our child will get through this, whatever happens with my relationship with my partner, and that it isn't wrong to want to stay with him if that's what I decide. I know a lot of you have, but he's downloaded a lot more than a few images. :( And then what will be the impact on our child when he moves out...?
Hi Leanore,
I am no expert on this either as it's still early days for us. Husband isn't living with us due to SS over management of risk!! They have closed our case and we are managing supervised contract between us at the moment.
There just doesn't seem to be any inconsistency between their approach across the different local authorities!
No it is certainly NOT wrong to want to stay with him. I do too and I know many of the women on here do! Are they giving you no choice but to have him move out? Once he does it will be harder to get him back home. I don't understand why sometimes they make a decision and then back track even though the risk hasn't changed. Yet I know other women who have experienced this!
Keep talking and exploring and don't apologise for still wanting to be with him ??????
Sending much love and strength xxxx
I am no expert on this either as it's still early days for us. Husband isn't living with us due to SS over management of risk!! They have closed our case and we are managing supervised contract between us at the moment.
There just doesn't seem to be any inconsistency between their approach across the different local authorities!
No it is certainly NOT wrong to want to stay with him. I do too and I know many of the women on here do! Are they giving you no choice but to have him move out? Once he does it will be harder to get him back home. I don't understand why sometimes they make a decision and then back track even though the risk hasn't changed. Yet I know other women who have experienced this!
Keep talking and exploring and don't apologise for still wanting to be with him ??????
Sending much love and strength xxxx
Like you I want to stay with my husband he isn't allowed at the house at the moment but we do have supervised access in a public place I find SS very difficult I think they prefer you to stay apart probably less paperwork!! I am going to fight for the right to be a family again but if I have to chose obviously it will be my children good luck hang in there x
Rainbowgirl80, I agree. It seems like every partner on this forum has been made to leave, so it's extra confusing that our SS say they have no authority to (though now they're saying they're exploring legal options to force him out), yet they just put all this psychological pressure on me instead of helping me manage the situation by giving me advice or support!
How did it come to this, you're right, it's easier for them if he moves out. Though it sounds like we'll stay on the child at risk plan no matter where he's living, so I don't see that much difference except I won't have to supervise when he's not here. But then we have to deal with the impact on our little one, so it will probably be the same amount of stress either way!
Thanks for the support ladies, sending it right back to you.
How did it come to this, you're right, it's easier for them if he moves out. Though it sounds like we'll stay on the child at risk plan no matter where he's living, so I don't see that much difference except I won't have to supervise when he's not here. But then we have to deal with the impact on our little one, so it will probably be the same amount of stress either way!
Thanks for the support ladies, sending it right back to you.
My experience of SS has been pretty negative and stressful too. I honestly think it's one big tick box exercise for them and it's just easier for them if we don't want to be with our partners. Never mind if they are amazing fathers. There is no flexibility on their part - they just make decisions which we have no say in.
My children remain on a CIN plan but our case has just closed as I'm deemed protective enough to supervise contact. I hope one day my husband will be allowed to live back at home but I have no idea when this will be. It's something I guess I'll have to fight for at some point.
My children remain on a CIN plan but our case has just closed as I'm deemed protective enough to supervise contact. I hope one day my husband will be allowed to live back at home but I have no idea when this will be. It's something I guess I'll have to fight for at some point.