Don’t know what to do.
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Hi hope you're all well. I really just need help. Please no judgment
The knock came in October my fiancé of a month been together 4 years was arrested and questioned. He's been out on bail awaiting court since then. I've been through so many emotions hate, upset, love, grief. We are still friends and shared a Labrador pup together, we still meet up occasionally to walk the dog. I met someone new who is currently living abroad but is from here. We've met a couple of times but I'm feeling so guilty... he's supposed to come and see me on the 8th but my ex invited me on a road trip around the highlands and I'd rather go with my ex.... I don't know what to do. I can feel myself swaying towards my ex but it's hard because I don't know if it's just the idea of the future I wanted pulling me back which I know I can never have. Or if I should try and put effort in with this new guy.
The knock came in October my fiancé of a month been together 4 years was arrested and questioned. He's been out on bail awaiting court since then. I've been through so many emotions hate, upset, love, grief. We are still friends and shared a Labrador pup together, we still meet up occasionally to walk the dog. I met someone new who is currently living abroad but is from here. We've met a couple of times but I'm feeling so guilty... he's supposed to come and see me on the 8th but my ex invited me on a road trip around the highlands and I'd rather go with my ex.... I don't know what to do. I can feel myself swaying towards my ex but it's hard because I don't know if it's just the idea of the future I wanted pulling me back which I know I can never have. Or if I should try and put effort in with this new guy.
Hi Christine
Big hug to you firstly. What a horrible situation you and all of us are in. Is your ex facing jail? I guess it's what you feel you can live with really. It's not just the sentence is it its the SOR, having to disclose that for jobs etc. My partner is awaiting charges and it could be suspended sentence. I know my heads telling me to walk away as I feel the future won't be bright and easy like it should. I want a baby desperately but this isn't how I would of liked my life to be turning out. Iv found it beneficial to read all the stories on here from women who are at different points of this nightmare to see what they have faced and where they are at now.
I am worried about the media finding out an get and vigilantes making life hell But I do love my partner too. I just think in my case there will be obstacles to overcome not easy ones either. That's what's hard here you've got to make that horrible choice between your ex and this new guy.
If your not feeling it with the new guy you've met then it's only fair to let him go and concentrate on you and your ex and work out in your own time could you see past all this a way of it working out. Take your time. Lots of women here have stuck by their husbands and partners and that's okay! Day by day I keep saying to myself I'm not making big plans long term and arrangements are always on my terms. I don't know what I will do yet. I'm gonna wait till the charge date and that will pretty much tell me which way I will go. I don't wish to live my live punished for something I haven't done.
I hope your aswell as can be in this nightmare
Take care
Yaz
Big hug to you firstly. What a horrible situation you and all of us are in. Is your ex facing jail? I guess it's what you feel you can live with really. It's not just the sentence is it its the SOR, having to disclose that for jobs etc. My partner is awaiting charges and it could be suspended sentence. I know my heads telling me to walk away as I feel the future won't be bright and easy like it should. I want a baby desperately but this isn't how I would of liked my life to be turning out. Iv found it beneficial to read all the stories on here from women who are at different points of this nightmare to see what they have faced and where they are at now.
I am worried about the media finding out an get and vigilantes making life hell But I do love my partner too. I just think in my case there will be obstacles to overcome not easy ones either. That's what's hard here you've got to make that horrible choice between your ex and this new guy.
If your not feeling it with the new guy you've met then it's only fair to let him go and concentrate on you and your ex and work out in your own time could you see past all this a way of it working out. Take your time. Lots of women here have stuck by their husbands and partners and that's okay! Day by day I keep saying to myself I'm not making big plans long term and arrangements are always on my terms. I don't know what I will do yet. I'm gonna wait till the charge date and that will pretty much tell me which way I will go. I don't wish to live my live punished for something I haven't done.
I hope your aswell as can be in this nightmare
Take care
Yaz
bump
Hi Christine
To me it sounds like one way or another you're not over your ex and to string his guy along just isn't fair on him. If you put to one side the reason you split up with him for a moment and then turned the tables, how would you feel if someone you'd started seeing was still going on cozy little dog walks with their ex?
You've also not mentioned much about your ex. What has he done? do you feel he's honest with you about it or does he not want to talk about it? Is he getting help from LFF himself? Is he the most apologetic person on the planet? Is he trying really hard to win you back?
Most importantly of all could you actually imagine forgiving him and being the gf of a SO? Trust me it's not easy, but in my case I knew from the start about his past.
If the answer to the above is no then perhaps you should put some distance between you and your ex. You can't move on from any "normal" break up when you still regularly see them let alone something like this.
You could always be slightly honest with new fella and tell him you don't think you're over your ex (you don't have to mention exactly why you broke up) and ask him for a bit of space to be ready to be fully open for a new relationship.
It's funny though because if it was a "normal" break up and you were one of my mates id be encouraging you to totally go for a bit of a rebound fling, but in circumstances like these it's probably not the best idea.
Either way only you can decide what's right for you no one here will judge you. We all have different ways of seeing and dealing with things and are always on hand to offer advice or just to listen if you feel like you need to rant.
To me it sounds like one way or another you're not over your ex and to string his guy along just isn't fair on him. If you put to one side the reason you split up with him for a moment and then turned the tables, how would you feel if someone you'd started seeing was still going on cozy little dog walks with their ex?
You've also not mentioned much about your ex. What has he done? do you feel he's honest with you about it or does he not want to talk about it? Is he getting help from LFF himself? Is he the most apologetic person on the planet? Is he trying really hard to win you back?
Most importantly of all could you actually imagine forgiving him and being the gf of a SO? Trust me it's not easy, but in my case I knew from the start about his past.
If the answer to the above is no then perhaps you should put some distance between you and your ex. You can't move on from any "normal" break up when you still regularly see them let alone something like this.
You could always be slightly honest with new fella and tell him you don't think you're over your ex (you don't have to mention exactly why you broke up) and ask him for a bit of space to be ready to be fully open for a new relationship.
It's funny though because if it was a "normal" break up and you were one of my mates id be encouraging you to totally go for a bit of a rebound fling, but in circumstances like these it's probably not the best idea.
Either way only you can decide what's right for you no one here will judge you. We all have different ways of seeing and dealing with things and are always on hand to offer advice or just to listen if you feel like you need to rant.
thanks for the replies ladies. I've ended things with the new guy I don't think it's fair to be seeing him half hearted. I feel so bad though. Not sure what will happen with my ex wether it will be jail or not, he seems apologetic and regretful and has been to counseling. I just don't know what will happen as I know the future wouldn't be easy
Hi Christine
Hope your going okay. I think overall you've done the kindest thing for the other guy. I feel like I'm in a similar position to you waiting for the charge and unsure if the future. I really don't know what to do either. I feel if I end it now it's going to save me the pain in the long run. I don't see how our lives will ever be the same. I'm here if you need to talk.
Yaz x
Hope your going okay. I think overall you've done the kindest thing for the other guy. I feel like I'm in a similar position to you waiting for the charge and unsure if the future. I really don't know what to do either. I feel if I end it now it's going to save me the pain in the long run. I don't see how our lives will ever be the same. I'm here if you need to talk.
Yaz x
I think you’ve done the right thing. I can’t imagine being with anyone else either. I ended the relationship with my ex but miss him terribly. It’s so hard to go from being happy and in love to this isn’t it. He was wonderful to me, I thought we had the perfect relationship ( obvs I know now that wasn’t the case) if things had slowly turned to shit I think it would be easier to cope with.
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