Family and Friends Forum

Hey Distraught

What really s***y timing for you. Sending you big hugs.

I've not been in this situation so I can't help there all I would say is you have to do what's right for you. It's not up to your sister at this time, she should offer advice when asked and bite her tongue when not.

As I said I've never been in this situation but there are 2 things If I were you I'd consider. The first is that SS may possibly have something to say if you are living with your baby daddy. The second is that you may need his support while you're caring for the baby.

Always here to talk or listen

Sending you more big hugs

Oh bless you. How absolutely awful and yes what terrible timing for you (not that any time is good tbh)

My advice is to not make any quick decisions. Take one day at a time. It is likely that social services will get involved if your partner stays at home after your baby is born and their involvement can be really hard. He may not be allowed to be there (although they all seem to do things differently) It's very early days though so it might not come to that

Just concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby.... tough decisions can be made later when the time is right

ring the helpline too ....

big hugs xxx

I was 5 months pregnant when I found out.

The day after SS called me and told me that if my son ( he’s 7 and not my ex’s child) was to have any contact then they would need to do a risk assessment and be involved in our lives. I told them I had ended the relationship and he wouldn’t be seeing him again so she closed the case. ( we didn’t live together) She did write to my sons father though, telling him what had happened.

our daughter is now 6 weeks old and my ex has had no contact. He didn’t attend the birth or visit me in hospital ( he wanted to but I said no. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done) I have been told that SS will be in our lives if my ex is. It’s not what I want right now so he hasn’t seen her. It’s killinh him, but he says he understands my reasons.

I have no family around and things are tough. I don’t know what future holds tbh, but will probably consider contact once o know more about what my ex has done. It will have to be supervised.

I would say living together would ( in SS view ) increase the risk. They are very black and white.

X

..I think telling your ex to move out might be wise if you are not continuing the relationship. It might make things easier with SS perhaps, but I’m not sure. You may change your mind in the future, no one can tell you what to do, this is a really complex and unfamiliar situation. You can’t just switch off your feelings though, I have stayed in contact with my daughters father as I know that I need to understand at some point and I still love him. I havnt seen him since February. It’s easy for people to say ‘cut all ties’ they aren’t you and have no idea how this feels’

Take one day at a time. You don’t need to know all the answers at this point, you will feel stronger as time goes on. X

Yes - it DOES get easier. I'm 8 months post knock - and stuck in limboland. I didn't have the complication of SS to deal with as my son is all grown up - and I have 40+ good years with my husband - so I decided to stick by my partner - more especially as he's so full of shame, remorse and is being totally honest and upfront about where he's been. It's hard, now, to remember the absolute turmoil of those first few weeks. But you cannot stay on high adrenaline fight or flight levels indefinitely so the shock (and grief/anger/disbelief etc etc) of those early days fades or at least comes in waves that pass and are somewhat easier to deal with. YOu find out more about this epidemic - LFF Inform course helps and there's a lot of literature out there too which also helps.

I hope the birth goes wonderfully for you despite all this stress. What a shame that this horrendous event has marred what should be a magical time for you. Lots of love and wishing you well.