Family and Friends Forum

Hello,

my husband is due to appear in court for his pre sentencing hearing this week. I was absolutely terrified of it being in the media... but I've come to the realisation that this is something we have absolutely no control over and if it is it is. If anything it's a step closer to us coming through this nightmare and nothing can be worse than those initial weeks after the police came. I have two children and I'm particularly worried for my teenager. I will be coming off social media beforehand so I can't be tagged in any posts. I guess it's more likely to be reported in the sentencing hearing which will be in either 3 or 7 weeks...

I just hope that we will be lucky and it won't be reported..let's face it we can all do with some luck!



xx

Ah thanks for your lovely reply. We heard when he was charged a month ago that court was this week. We've been 'lucky' that it's all happened rather quickly compared to some here (he was arrested in April). It sounds like it's been relatively straightforward as less than 10 images were found and it was just the once....

I'm hoping not many people we know read the local paper online either (or buy the paper copy) The difficult thing is that if it is in the paper I will have no idea who knows and who doesn't.

It's all been such a mess I just want to move forward ... and getting through court is just one step closer to this.

thinking of you.. xx

Hi there,

yes he's living with a relative and has been pretty much since April. It's far from ideal but we are lucky that he can spent time here seeing the children. Again, I know some dads aren't allowed any contact at all which my children just wouldn't have coped with.
We are hoping he will be allowed home at some point. SS have closed our case for now which I'm extremely relieved about as I found their involvement super stressful.



Take care xx

Hi there,

my husband had his pre sentence hearing today. He's pretty sure a reporter was there so I'll no doubt be scouring the local paper over the next few days. He had to give his current address as the one he is sleeping at which is in a different town so there is a slight possibility that he won't be in the paper that covers our town.... but I doubt we will be that lucky! (Our address wasn't mentioned)

Sentencing at the crown court is in a month.... another date to dread.




take care xxx

So....what a horrible day. It has been reported in the local online paper after all. I feel sick to the stomach that people know. I'm so angry with my husband this evening that we are in this shitty situation. I'm the one that has to face people - not him. I've never felt so humiliated in my life. I've emailed the editor of the paper begging him to take the story down for the sake of my children - I'm sure it will fall on deaf ears but I had to do something.
It's all been exaggerated too and isn't accurate which adds to the distress.



I just want to hide away for the next few weeks until this is over - if only that was an option.

Hi Belle

There is little I can say to make things better but I couldn't just read and run.

ive been where you are today when my sons case went in the paper. I had to face people I'd known for years while my son did not because he lived in the next village to me. Nobody ever said anything to me about it thank god but I became very paranoid and left the area three to four weeks later simply because I could not stay with the humiliation I was facing. We were lucky that we could just up and go but I'm no longer sure we did the right thing because I left everything I had ever known. House, friends and husbands job all gone. Daughter left her home, friends and job to move to. I'll always regret moving because it may have worked out stating. That's the trouble, I'll never now know. For the reasons above I would advise against any rash decisions.im not sure if your still with your husband or not. By reading some posts it can go very different depending on whether someone is standing by the offender or not. In my case, I had no option. My son commited a communication offence. What could I do? Disown him? I felt hen and still do that I could not ever disown my son for a stupid mistake, albeit, a mistake that has changed his life forever. Try and keep your head up high. Always remember, you personally, have done no wrong x

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply nicenana. Moving away sadly isn't an option for us...much as it's very tempting right now. I refuse to move away from my job, family and friends for something I played no part in. I don't know what the future holds... things felt like they were repairing but today has made me feel so angry and sad that we are in this situation. Also he is an amazing father and I can't take that away from him. I haven't been his priority for a long time and although he is trying really hard it all feels like it could possibly be a little too late.

It's nearly a year since my partner's case was reported in the local papers, it was reported in 2 local papers and then rehashed a few months later when one of the papers did an offender rundown for the previous year.

So far nobody's said anything to either one of us, or to any member of my family, as a wider family we're extremely well known in the area we live. The same people we would stop and chat too, still do. I can never decide as to whether people just haven't associated it to my partner or haven't said anything out of respect to the family.

It's terrifying when it first goes in the paper but you do adjust, I'm still wary, and we both try to keep a very low profile, but we have managed to remain in the same home, but I doubt I'll ever feel truly comfortable again.

Thanks so much Joe. That's really reassuring.



Rainbowgirl - yes my worst nightmare did come try. The LFF helpline said that it would be highly unlikely that the pre sentence hearing would be reported in the media so I had stupidly pinned my hopes on that. The report is also so inaccurate and makes him out to be so much worse than he is (we are talking about less than 10 images - 7 of which are cartoon images) Not that I'm defending him...

I'm just amazed there is no protection for the family when there are children involved. SS have been crawling all over us since the start and yet this is potentially the most damaging thing that has happened to them....

I've now got to brace myself for another media report at sentencing in a month. Anyone got a rocket they can lend me so I can fly to the moon?!

Hi rainbow 180

Just to let you know you can request with your lawyer to not have your address read out in court , with good reason , they have to put it to the board x

Hi Rainbow,

thanks for your post. Thankfully there hasn't been any major backlash from the media - I received a few supportive messages from old friends. I'm glad I came off social media in advance...Dreading the sentencing now.

The major issue has been my work. They now know and I've been put on compassionate leave whilst they carry out an investigation. It's been awful. Apparently I should have told them sooner (despite SS knowing what I do for a job and telling me that I didn't need to tell them)

It's quite honestly one thing after another and I'm running low on reserves...



hope you are doing okay? Xx

Hey Rainbow

lovely to hear from you. Yes the media fallout wasn't too bad but I'm bracing myself for another media report at sentencing in a few weeks.
Yes, I do work with children which obviously complicates matters. Sadly I'm not in a union but I got some good advice from Acas. It's horribly complicated but I'm feeling slightly better tonight about things. I haven't done anything wrong at all so I think it will be difficult for them to get rid of me! It's putting a massive strain on my relationship with my husband too as I feel pretty angry that I've been dragged into yet another mess.



Have you had any timescales? I'm glad to hear you've been been having some nice days...



take care xxx

Hi I really can relate to the work aspect of what you are saying, I find it so hard at the moment in fact not enjoying my job at all for various reasons, but feel stuck as don't feel I'm in any position to change jobs with this hanging over my head who will want to deal with this? Once again we are being punished for something that's we never created. I think the advice given is so variable so please don't worry if you work with children they probably will also seek advice from the LADO but you are not being investigated or accused so please remember throughout it all you have done nothing wrong.



sending hugs xx

Hi Rainbow...

I have no idea if he will be allowed back to live at home. We will get sentencing over and done with first and we will then see. I can't look past the next few weeks. He had his sentencing report done and the probabtion officer fed back that he is a very low risk...whether SS take this into account is anyone's guess! Yes I've just started counselling too which has been good so far.



Summer - I'm absolutely devastated at how I've been treated at work. I think it's been handled really badly and it's having a massive effect on my mental health. I've worked there a very long time indeed and it's horrible being treated with suspicion. Apparently I should have told them sooner? LADO have no concerns but I've had my work laptop and phone taken and I have a meeting next week which I'm dreading. It's giving me sleepless nights (as if I don't have enough stress right now!)



take care both of you xxx

Hi Rainbow,

i'm in a horrible work limbo so would rather get the meeting over and done with... Also no one will do my job in my absence so I'm hoping that I'll be allowed back ASAP although got a feeling that they could keep me off a while. It's so stressful. I sought SS advice at the beginning and they knew where I worked and certainly didn't advise me to tell work. Also LADO didn't have concerns either. It's a right mess and I could really do without it (especially as we have the court case looming too)

take care xxx

Hi bellebee,

im in the same position as you now, is your partner now at home? What did he get sentenced too?



im so scared of the media covering it!

thank you x