Finally a positive outcome
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Hi everyone
A few of you already knew my story as i posted it before and also talked to some amazing people. Our journey has come to an end with a positive outcome.
For the ladies you don't know my story i am posting it here again. My husband commited his offences 14 years ago and he is on the register for life. When i met him he had already finished his sentence. He only disclosed his offences to me after we got married. After a few arguments and discussions i decided to stay and give our marriage another chance. Since then, and after 5 years staying with him we decided to have a baby (after we asked his PPO about this) and this is where our nightmare started. SS got involved in our life.
They are the most humilating people i have ever met in my life. Our son was born under CPP. I was in hospital for 8 days after our son was born and my husband was only allowed to visit during labour. SS kicked my husband out of our home for their so called "assessment" which took 5 months to finish and the outcome of that assessment was that my husband is high risk and cannot be rehabilitated and I am a naive and passive person who will let her child be abused and he will never move back to home - they were also pushing for us to break up. They also messed up alot with giving my husband contact with his son. I had to take my son to the contact centre for him to see his dad.
But that changed after couple of month to have limited contact at home only because IRO person in CPP meeting made SS to do that.
During this as we were also in a PLO our legals were pushing for an expert psychological assessment to be done - SS were against that assessment so we were at a kind of stalemate as we had kept to all their conditions, but disagreed with their stance. We essentially had to force them to go the court route to resolve this. After going to court the judge was angry at SS decision and made them to do psychological assessment both for me and my husband.
In the psychological assessment my husband came back as low risk and me as a protective factor. SS had additional questions that were also answered by the expert, but had not changed their stance on contact timings since the court process started. So after various fights with SS my husband is finally living back home and we are now living a new normal life. It was a very long and stressful process but it is worth it. This whole process has taught us alot and going forward we are going to appreciate every little thing in our life.
Below are a few things i learned throughout this process-
1. Work with SS even if you don't want to and no matter how tough it is because that will become positive in everyone elses eyes
2. Don't let SS force any life changing decision on you without an expert opinion. Ss are not trained in such offences and they like to scare people. Although they can't take your kids away only because you maintain a relationship with your partner. They have to go to court to get that order and If you acknowledge the risk, put your kids first and have a safety plan in place no judge will let them to take your kids away.
3. If you need to go to family court, just go for it. Don't get scared. Courts are very fair and they always try to keep the families together and give fair opportunities to parents. I was very scared at the time but it put me at ease just after first court meeting.
4. Be ready and prepared to accept the outcome of the expert assessment. With the assessment the expert also recommends courses or work that can be undertaken by either one or both parties to either further reduce risk or ensure it will be managed going forward.
5. Try not to think ahead and take it day by day.
A few of you already knew my story as i posted it before and also talked to some amazing people. Our journey has come to an end with a positive outcome.
For the ladies you don't know my story i am posting it here again. My husband commited his offences 14 years ago and he is on the register for life. When i met him he had already finished his sentence. He only disclosed his offences to me after we got married. After a few arguments and discussions i decided to stay and give our marriage another chance. Since then, and after 5 years staying with him we decided to have a baby (after we asked his PPO about this) and this is where our nightmare started. SS got involved in our life.
They are the most humilating people i have ever met in my life. Our son was born under CPP. I was in hospital for 8 days after our son was born and my husband was only allowed to visit during labour. SS kicked my husband out of our home for their so called "assessment" which took 5 months to finish and the outcome of that assessment was that my husband is high risk and cannot be rehabilitated and I am a naive and passive person who will let her child be abused and he will never move back to home - they were also pushing for us to break up. They also messed up alot with giving my husband contact with his son. I had to take my son to the contact centre for him to see his dad.
But that changed after couple of month to have limited contact at home only because IRO person in CPP meeting made SS to do that.
During this as we were also in a PLO our legals were pushing for an expert psychological assessment to be done - SS were against that assessment so we were at a kind of stalemate as we had kept to all their conditions, but disagreed with their stance. We essentially had to force them to go the court route to resolve this. After going to court the judge was angry at SS decision and made them to do psychological assessment both for me and my husband.
In the psychological assessment my husband came back as low risk and me as a protective factor. SS had additional questions that were also answered by the expert, but had not changed their stance on contact timings since the court process started. So after various fights with SS my husband is finally living back home and we are now living a new normal life. It was a very long and stressful process but it is worth it. This whole process has taught us alot and going forward we are going to appreciate every little thing in our life.
Below are a few things i learned throughout this process-
1. Work with SS even if you don't want to and no matter how tough it is because that will become positive in everyone elses eyes
2. Don't let SS force any life changing decision on you without an expert opinion. Ss are not trained in such offences and they like to scare people. Although they can't take your kids away only because you maintain a relationship with your partner. They have to go to court to get that order and If you acknowledge the risk, put your kids first and have a safety plan in place no judge will let them to take your kids away.
3. If you need to go to family court, just go for it. Don't get scared. Courts are very fair and they always try to keep the families together and give fair opportunities to parents. I was very scared at the time but it put me at ease just after first court meeting.
4. Be ready and prepared to accept the outcome of the expert assessment. With the assessment the expert also recommends courses or work that can be undertaken by either one or both parties to either further reduce risk or ensure it will be managed going forward.
5. Try not to think ahead and take it day by day.
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Hi Girlfriend and Mom
I am so sorry about your situation. Is the outcome of your assessment suggests that you can't supervise the contact? Did they gave any reasons for it? Like lee said you have to show your stronger side to SS. Create a family safety plan to show how you will protect your daughter.
I believe SS should move contact to home/community once they will find appropriate person to supervise contact. Either you or your mom in your case. This is what happened in our case the contact was in contact centre and then SW started my and my MIL's assessment. Once it was finished contact was moved to home. IRO in our CPP meeting was unhappy with the contact in contact cente and she also pushed SS to move contact to home.
If you are on CPP plan then SS should put you on PLO process where you can free legal aid family court advocates for advice. I am not sure why they didn't put you on it.
I am so sorry about your situation. Is the outcome of your assessment suggests that you can't supervise the contact? Did they gave any reasons for it? Like lee said you have to show your stronger side to SS. Create a family safety plan to show how you will protect your daughter.
I believe SS should move contact to home/community once they will find appropriate person to supervise contact. Either you or your mom in your case. This is what happened in our case the contact was in contact centre and then SW started my and my MIL's assessment. Once it was finished contact was moved to home. IRO in our CPP meeting was unhappy with the contact in contact cente and she also pushed SS to move contact to home.
If you are on CPP plan then SS should put you on PLO process where you can free legal aid family court advocates for advice. I am not sure why they didn't put you on it.
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Also how do I write up a family safety plan? What does it involve please?
Thankyou again I'm new to all this and it's nice to have found this forum so I don't feel so alone as at first it felt like I was alone tbh
sending hugs xx
Thankyou again I'm new to all this and it's nice to have found this forum so I don't feel so alone as at first it felt like I was alone tbh
sending hugs xx
Lee PLO is public law outline is another step where if you may not be adhering to ss requests or following/doing parts of the child protection plan as expected. You would be told they will be seeking legal advice and then receive a letter and have a meeting with solicitors on both sides setting out the legal requirements of both sides before it goes further and hopefully things can be resolved.
Hi lee. Summer explained it well. I believe the PLO process is for CPP plan. I can be wrong. Basically it is a first step towards towards the legal process and it will give SS the power to take you to court for the order if you don't adhere to restrictions. It is not that scary as it sounds though as it works both sided like if you are not happy with SS decision (like in our case they ask me to end my relationship with my husband) then you can also ask them to take you to court. In our case we adhere to all the restrictions so they only ask court for supervision order which is no different to CPP anyways.
Having solicitors involved helped alot in our case. When contact was in contact centre my lawyer pushed SS to do it 3 days a week and she also pushed for my assessment as SS wasn't willing to do one for me.
I hope SS will work well with you and do proper assessments so you don't need to go through all this PLO process.
Having solicitors involved helped alot in our case. When contact was in contact centre my lawyer pushed SS to do it 3 days a week and she also pushed for my assessment as SS wasn't willing to do one for me.
I hope SS will work well with you and do proper assessments so you don't need to go through all this PLO process.
Hi Girlfriend and mom
Family safety plan is anything you can think of to keep your daughter safe while your husband around. I know it is tough to think but we can't be 100% sure that there is no risk here so just acknowledge that and work on it.
You will be able to get a pdf format of family safety plan on Lucy's parent protect website or just call helpline they will guide you.
In my family safety plan i put things like husband can't do personal care tasks of my son, knocking rule in the house, no secrets and lies for all family member, all electronic devices in common area etc. So anything you can think of.
Family safety plan is anything you can think of to keep your daughter safe while your husband around. I know it is tough to think but we can't be 100% sure that there is no risk here so just acknowledge that and work on it.
You will be able to get a pdf format of family safety plan on Lucy's parent protect website or just call helpline they will guide you.
In my family safety plan i put things like husband can't do personal care tasks of my son, knocking rule in the house, no secrets and lies for all family member, all electronic devices in common area etc. So anything you can think of.
I'm so so proud of you!! We fought and fought for my partner to move home, he had an assessment done, and was a low risk, he now has unsupervised contact, as another assessment came through, I showed I was strong and had the ability to protect my son, I made ss aware that if my partner did anything (had indecent images 4 years ago) like this again, he would be out and only see his son with family members! I self harmed, I cried, I never slept I never ate, but realised if I wasn't strong enough my family would never be together again, I'm now expecting baby no 2, where worried about what might happen but I'm ready to fight for my family once more, I believe in second chances. Ss have no leg to stand on if you show them you recognise the risk and how to manage it. I teach my son to be aware of his body and if he says no to anything (tickling) then you stop, if he doesn't want to go with someone, I don't force him, he's 5 years old and we work really to teach him how to keep himself safe, I have books on body parts, and we talk about if likes or dislikes someone or something. Well done for being so brave, ss have alot to answer for when it comes to mental health xxx
hi
These stories are very inspiring. We are starting are road and its very scary. My husband hasn't had any contact since 21st Aug. Was arrested for an indecent image charge which he explained but then they accused him of abusing our daughter which he didn't do. Im desperately trying to work with them and they have called a child protection conference. My daughter is 9
I'm so scared. I looked up the assessments earlier and mentioned it to my sw and asked if he could undertake something to prove he has no interest in children. I dont know if we have to do this privately or not ? No charges have been made yet as still on bail.
These stories are very inspiring. We are starting are road and its very scary. My husband hasn't had any contact since 21st Aug. Was arrested for an indecent image charge which he explained but then they accused him of abusing our daughter which he didn't do. Im desperately trying to work with them and they have called a child protection conference. My daughter is 9
I'm so scared. I looked up the assessments earlier and mentioned it to my sw and asked if he could undertake something to prove he has no interest in children. I dont know if we have to do this privately or not ? No charges have been made yet as still on bail.